Chapter 8 When Patience Starts to Hurt

When Patience Starts to Hurt

Elira was known for something she had always taken quiet pride in she could wait without resentment.

Until she couldn't.

The morning after Rowan walked away again, Elira woke with a heaviness that didn't fade when she opened her eyes.

It wasn't heartbreak.

Not yet.

It was something duller. Quieter. The slow realization that patience, when stretched too far, stopped feeling like grace and started feeling like self-betrayal.

She lay still for a moment, staring at the ceiling, listening to the distant sounds of the city waking up. Her phone rested on the nightstand beside her.

No notifications.

She hadn't expected any.

That was the part that scared her.

At work, Elira moved through her day with careful intention.

She greeted Mira.

She answered emails.

She attended meetings.

From the outside, nothing looked different.

But inside, something had shifted.

She no longer scanned hallways without realizing it.

She no longer paused when she heard footsteps behind her.

She no longer felt that instinctive lift of hope when her phone buzzed.

Rowan noticed.

He noticed the way she didn't look up when he passed her desk.

The way she didn't linger in shared spaces.

The way her calm felt... sealed.

It unsettled him more than confrontation ever had.

Mira leaned over her desk midmorning, voice low. "You're very focused today."

Elira didn't smile. "I'm trying something new."

"What's that?"

"Keeping my energy where it's returned."

Mira studied her face. "That sounds like a boundary."

Elira nodded. "I think it is."

"And how does that feel?"

She paused. "Uncomfortable. Necessary."

Mira reached over and squeezed her hand briefly. "I'm proud of you."

Elira blinked, surprised by the emotion that rose in her chest. "Thank you."

Rowan stood by the window that afternoon, watching the city blur past in muted motion.

He had told himself that giving Elira space was respectful.

But now, standing there, watching her laugh softly at something Mira said watching her exist without orbiting him he felt something unfamiliar coil in his chest.

Loss.

Not the dramatic kind.

The quiet kind that arrived when something was slipping away slowly enough that you could still pretend it wasn't happening.

He walked toward her desk before he could talk himself out of it.

"Elira," he said.

She looked up. Calm. Attentive. Polite.

"Yes?"

The distance in that single word startled him.

"Can we talk?" he asked.

She considered him for a moment, then glanced at the clock. "I have five minutes."

Not of course.

Not anytime.

Five minutes.

Rowan nodded. "That's enough."

They stepped into an empty conference room instead of the stairwell.

That felt intentional.

"You've been quiet," Rowan said.

Elira folded her hands together. "So have you."

"That's not what I mean."

"I know," she replied gently. "You mean I'm not filling the gaps anymore."

He frowned. "You make it sound deliberate."

"It is," she said.

The honesty in her voice caught him off guard.

"I didn't realize I was asking you to do that," he said.

"You weren't asking," she replied. "I was offering. And then I realized I was offering more than I could afford."

Rowan exhaled slowly. "I never wanted to hurt you."

"I know," Elira said. "But intention doesn't cancel impact."

Silence settled between them.

Rowan shifted his weight. "You're pulling away."

She met his eyes. "I'm standing still. You just keep leaving."

"That's not fair."

"It's not cruel either," she said softly. "It's true."

He rubbed his forehead. "I don't know how to meet you where you are."

"And I don't know how to keep meeting you where you're not," she replied.

That landed harder than she expected.

After work, Elira didn't walk home.

She met Mira for dinner instead.

They sat across from each other in a small café, warm light spilling over the table between them.

"You look lighter," Mira said after a while.

Elira stirred her drink. "I feel sad."

"That doesn't sound lighter."

"It is," Elira said quietly. "Sad is honest. Waiting was exhausting."

Mira nodded slowly. "Do you think he knows what he's losing?"

Elira thought of Rowan's face his hesitation, his silences, his almosts.

"I think he knows," she said. "I just don't think he knows how to stop it."

"And are you willing to stay while he figures that out?"

Elira looked down at her hands.

"I don't know anymore."

That night, Rowan sat on the edge of his bed, phone in his hand.

He typed.

Rowan: Are you okay?

He stared at the message.

Then erased it.

That wasn't the question.

He tried again.

Rowan: Did I do something wrong?

He deleted that too.

The truth sat heavier than any message he could send.

He didn't know how to do something right.

He set the phone down, frustration tightening his chest.

The next morning, Elira arrived early again but not earlier than Rowan.

He stood by the coffee machine, staring at it like it might offer answers.

"Morning," she said, passing by.

"Morning," he replied.

She poured herself tea instead of coffee.

He noticed.

"You changed," he said quietly.

She looked at him. "I grew tired."

That was all.

No accusation.

No anger.

Just fact.

Rowan swallowed. "Are you giving up on me?"

Elira paused, hand resting on her cup.

"I'm giving up on waiting without knowing what I'm waiting for," she said.

His chest tightened. "That feels like the same thing."

"It isn't," she replied. "But it might lead there."

They stood in silence, the hum of the office filling the space.

"Elira," Rowan said carefully, "if I ask you to stay"

She looked at him then, really looked.

"I can't stay on maybes anymore," she said. "Not without losing myself."

Rowan opened his mouth.

Closed it.

And in that hesitation, Elira felt the final piece of patience slip through her fingers.

She turned and walked away, tea warming her hands, resolve settling into her chest.

For the first time since she met him, she didn't feel like she was leaving something behind.

She felt like she was moving toward herself.

And Rowan, watching her go, realized too late that patience was never endless

And he had been spending hers like it was.