Chapter 3 My Innocence (part 1)

With daddy's death, my sister was 4 at this time and I was 8, so by court order, we had to live with my mom. I pleaded to live with my grandparents, but that was rejected.

For someone who had hurt us and left us, my mother didn't try to fix things. She would yell at me when I cried and forced me to eat, even when I didn't want to. Every time I looked at her, I thought of my father and how he wasn't here with us because of how selfish she was. She would hit me when I threw a tantrum and say "witch, why are you crying? Do you want your evil father back? Why? Did you enjoy when he touched your chest or when he put his fingers inside your private part? Or when he asked you to touch his thing." This usually confused me because what was she even talking about? What thing? What private part? I didn't understand any of it but I knew my dad was not evil and I wasn't a witch.

This continued for months and months and eventually a year. By the time I turned 9, mom's business had fallen because she spent more time squandering the money dad had left for us then investing it. Eventually, we were broke.

One day, mom called me into her room and for the first time in years, I saw the mother I knew when I was younger. I saw the woman who birth me, she wasn't drunk, nor was she mean or angry or tired, she was my mother. When I got into her room, she point led to the empty space by her side on the bed. I sat down and she sighed heavily before speaking

"Jeiel," she said "When I married your father, I was innocent but made a mistake which brought you here. I don't regret giving birth to you, but I regret marrying your father. I thought he was a good man till he stole your innocence the same way he stole mine." She continued, sobbing. " so tell me my daughter, where did he touch you?" I looked at my mom with so much pain in my eyes and opened my mouth to talk but she stopped me. "If you are going to lie about it, then don't utter a word" she insisted while point her index finger at me. "Mummy, please believe me! My father did not ever touch me where he was not supposed to. He only hugged and kissed me on my cheek and forehead. He only helped me with my school and slept on his bed when I was scared or crying for you. All he did was love me." I explained while crying. "He was...." I started to say before I felt a thunderous slap on my face. I felt like it was a dream and I had to wake up. I immediately stood up like I was being controlled by a remote. I started crying even more loudly. My mom pointed at me and when I lifted my head up and saw her face, she was back. The woman who took my happiness away, the woman who destroyed everything. I felt stupid for believing she was my mother when I first walked into that room that evening.

"Well since you have refused to tell the truth, let me inform you. We are broke! And since you are no longer innocent, you should prepare yourself to bring in your own share of the money for rent and feeding. Now you can have a reason to blame your stupid father" she threatened interrupting my thoughts. She finished with her threat and went to the bathroom. I left her room and went to my room.

The following day was my birthday. I was turning 10. I was grateful, but sad because all what accompanied this day, was no longer available, all because of my mother.

Surprisingly, my mother woke up early that morning and cooked for the first time in more than 5years. Oh how I was surprised but yet excited, to eat food cooked by her, because she was an excellent cooked. She prepared my favorite pounded yam and egusi soup with better okporoko and kpomo and meat. My sister gave me a card and hugged me in bed and told me mommy was calling for me downstairs to come and eat. When I got down, at first I was suspicious she had finally decided to kill me so I waited until she took a bite. She noticed it because she said "eat that food madam. I did not poison it" I dug in like someone who had slept hungry because my mouth was already watering from that flavor and how big my meat was.

When we finished eating, my mom asked me to dress up and wear one beautiful dress she had gotten me. It was a red sparkly dress above my knee, which was weird because usually her and dad would never let me wear anything too skimpy or as short as this and this cloth was exactly what she kicked against. But I kicked this thought behind my mind and walked to my sister's room. She was dressed as well and we both went downstairs. My mom suddenly got so upset and asked my sister to go back to her room, that it wasn't her birthday and she didn't need to come with us. She promised to bring home something for her though. "Don't worry eh Janice, I'll bring you biscuit and bonbon and juice when we are coming back. I want to just go and spoil your sister a little eh", she said to my sister as we closed the door behind us, to console my sister who was already balling, standing at the stair case. My suspicion was fast growing as first, a skimpy dress and now, just me. But my mom hates me. What was she up to? These were the questions that filled my head as I stepped into the car.