Chapter 2 FALL:

To imagine the resounding fall of a star as beautiful as the Sun, would be something unheard of, impossible to imagine, indescribable and horrible, the light would go with it, and human beings are not prepared for the amount of darkness that would come with it, they could not with the pain of knowing that desolation will be part of their selves at every step and, the flame of life will be extinguished little by little, so, is this how it feels to fall, to imagine that the heart is the sun and the soul the moon would be a good indication, needing both to keep you alive, the body without a heart

does not work, the body without a soul is just as dead, and to know that the unthinkable comes from the hand of the one who could never be possible, the one who has offered you the mantle of protection that has kept you alive, who has been your sky, the brightest and most beautiful star, the one that provided light to your soul, leaving it withered and empty, lacking and sad, what is left, only that, to fall?

CHAPTER I: FALL.

And does falling hurt? No, it's knowing who let you see the precipice that kills. ALEXANDRE BUBOIS

It hurts, it hurts a lot, was all he could think between as the fifth drink fell down his throat and burned, slow and hot, bubbling until it disappeared into his stomach, leaving a slight sting in its wake.

Alexandre was hurt, sad and hurt for some reason that didn't even make sense for the minimal fact that the person causing it wasn't even aware of it.

Leonel didn't love him, and Alexandre had never been brave enough to tell him how much he wanted him, possibly it was for the best, Alexandre wasn't ready for rejection, in fact he wasn't ready for rejection at all, too attached, too much in love, so shy and so lonely that he couldn't afford to lose him.

Not even all of Alexandre's imagination and the multiple possible and horrible scenarios he had created in his mind throughout his life regarding how in the most drastic and pathetic way possible he would end his relationship with Leonel thought of this.

"I'm going to get married"

No, Alexandre simply wasn't ready for that.

His infatuation with Leonel started possibly like that of any teenagers, a lot of closeness and shy smiles, having each other's back, being friends through thick and thin, a friendship that grew and strengthened as time went by as well as anything concerning the red-haired man that grew inside him.

Adolescence is hard, with it comes changes and one of these is leaving behind that cherished childhood to understand that the world is screwed up enough to go through it with a smile.

Life is like a flame that burns, deep and reduces to ashes in the blink of an eye the soul of whoever is its victim, however Alexandre survived, in fact I could say that the only thing that could have killed him was the first time Leonel approached him with a smile on his face and said.

"I have a girlfriend".

And Alexandre trembled, inside rodl in him stirred in disgust and only thought that possibly in a not very nice way he would lose the one he considered his best friend, by then with barely twelve it did not even cross his mind that those sensations would drag him to a disgusting and cold abyss from which he could never get out.

Alexandre has been in love with his best friend for eight years, and the worst thing is that he doesn't know it.

Because he is too stupid to see how the brown man's orbs simply sparkle at the mere sight of him and his attention is focused on his person, leaving anything else out of existence.

It is also possible that Leonel's fear of rejection, anguish and heterosexual uncertainty have driven Alexandre to make the decision to tell him the truth.

Perhaps even the fact that the danger while not homophobic Alexandre could sometimes denote the discomfort in his tense shoulders when his friends Dean and Lucius got overly affectionate.

And Alexandre didn't want that with him.

The blond had learned to be content with the smiles, cheek kisses, cuddly nicknames and bear hugs the red-haired man would give him anywhere as long as he repeated that he was his and could never leave.

It made him feel loved.

Good.

Needed.

And Alexandre knew it wasn't healthy, in fact everyone around him possibly knew his secret, and while they were telling him to stay away and take another path he didn't think he was capable of doing it.

What would he tell Leonel when he asked why his best friend had decided to distance himself?

If he did, Alexandre would have to be sincere and lay bare everything he had been hiding for years, the false smiles, the meaningless congratulations, the good wishes full of venom, the times he cried into the wee hours of the morning when Leonel introduced him to a new girl, when he saw them kissing even when he stayed at home from danger and unable to do anything more than to modernize the pillow to calm his desperate cries and moans of anger he had to listen to the pleasure he got from melting inside the girl occupying his bed.

And yet, Alexandre always stayed.

Because he really had no reason to leave, it was his fault, in his mind he had made the mistake of falling in love with his best friend, of veiling him beyond the fraternal, of wanting to look pretty for him, to make him smile, to receive his attention, to feel his arms and for those dreamed loves that would never be destined to him.

I am getting married.

And Alexandre cried, he hadn't done it for a long time, in fact he had begun to extinguish his frustration, loneliness and sadness with sex, there were many men willing to do that, and Alexandre knew how attractive he was, all his candidates were tall, strong, with tattoos and black hair, the typical bad boy that turned him on enough to have a simple affair and not remember his name afterwards.

The first time was when in front of everyone during a party attended by the friends they shared in common, Leonel sang to Rose, a pretty girl with black hair, white skin and beautiful, with a particular way of being between sweet and venomous that in his very particular opinion was impossible to hate, that night Alexandre had to watch how he proposed to her in front of everyone, and shouted that he loved her.

Alexandre was hurt enough, as if he had the right to get out of there, go to a bar and end up in the sheets of a stranger he never saw again.

Leonel found out a month after starting with such a record, at first he seemed furious, it must be said that Alexandre was a virgin, for a moment the blond thought that maybe all would not be lost, if the red-haired man's reaction was like that, he might have a little interest in him, so with that idea he ended up taking one of his flirts to the friends' meetings, the only thing Alexandre can clearly remember is Leonel's ironic laugh when he looked at the boy who accompanied him and never even looked back when he found out that Alexandre didn't seem to care with whom he shared a bed.

Alexandre had been through a lot, lost good men because his worthless love seemed to have him mowed down, so now all he had left to do was cry, undeservedly, because Leonel was happy, he was in love with a beautiful girl and had decided to join his life to this one.

What about him?

Alexandre was crying and drinking like an idiot, attracting the attention of everyone in the bar, he smiled and denied asking the bartender for another bottle, he didn't care, he had no job, he was alone and his heart was broken enough to not give a damn what anyone could say.

Alexandre Dubois had fallen, low enough to suffer in silence for years for a love that would never be returned, the humiliations he created for himself, dying for a man who never looked at him, wasting his time and letting his life run away, and now, Leonel would take another step, while he stayed behind.

The hole was damp and dark, he had fallen into it, and he did not know how to get out.

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He stretched out his hand to stores looking for the cell phone, answering on the third ring while still half asleep.

"Yes?"

"Leonel Cassell?" He frowned and sat up from the bed, before getting up and leaving the room to avoid waking Rose.

"Yes, this is he."

"Good evening Mr. Cassell, we are speaking to you from London's Hospital, we have a patient by the name of Alexandre Dubois, you are listed as his emergency contact."

Leonel shivered, by this time awake enough, he looked around trying to locate his coat and throwing it on, taking keys, wallet and putting on his shoes.

"Is he all right?" The woman on the other end took a second before answering.

"You should come in, Mr. Cassell".