Dou Dou was a mixed breed with brownish-yellow fur and dark, glistening eyes that always seemed pleadingly moist. Jiang Shan had found him on a night of pouring rain two years ago, left in a cardboard box lined with cotton wool, whimpering pitifully. He had brought him home, dried him off, given him warm milk, and bestowed upon him the simplest name he could think of. Dou Dou.
From that day on, Jiang Shan's small world seemed to expand a little. He was no longer all alone in the empty apartment while his parents were away on long business trips. Every time he came home, there would be an eagerly wagging tail to greet him, a body winding around his legs, a wet nose rubbing against his calf, and a small paw nudging him as if asking for a pat on the head. Dou Dou was his only friend, his family, the one joy in Jiang Shan's otherwise tedious life.
He had to admit, his mind was often filled with negative thoughts. The slightest trouble in his life would cause them to unravel like a tangled mess of threads, binding him. In those moments, Jiang Shan would run home as fast as he could to hold the little puppy in his arms. The warmth from its small body, the comforting lick on his hand-to him, these were the most effective healing balms. The little dog seemed to understand. Whenever Jiang Shan confided in him, he would lie obediently in his lap, wagging his tail.
"Dou Dou, I got called on in class today and didn't know the answer. It was so embarrassing."
"Dou Dou, I don't think people like me very much."
"Dou Dou, Mom and Dad have been gone for so long. They're still not back yet, huh."
Dou Dou would just tilt his head, looking at him with those clear eyes, occasionally letting out a bark as if in response. For Jiang Shan, that was more than enough.
At school, Jiang Shan was an incredibly inconspicuous student-so much so that after a whole year of tenth grade, some people still couldn't remember his name. He sat at the third desk from the back, by the window in the corner of the classroom. Jiang Shan had no close friends and rarely joined in the loud conversations of the other boys. He was like a small island, creating a calm sea around himself, letting no one approach and never trying to swim out. As a result, his teachers rarely paid him any mind either.
But there was always an exception.
Qi You sat right behind Jiang Shan.
He was the class president, the school's basketball star, the dream boy of countless girls. Qi You was tall and handsome, his smile always carrying an air of casual confidence. He had a legion of friends and was always the center of attention. Someone like him should never have noticed a quiet, insecure boy like Jiang Shan.
Life is full of variables, its frosted glass windows obscuring the future. Qi You had never thought he would fall for a boy. He just didn't know why. Yes, he didn't know why. He liked Jiang Shan.
He couldn't remember when he had started paying attention to this classmate. Perhaps it was when he received a text from him at the beginning of the school year. He guessed Jiang Shan had been trying to fit in, joining a game of Truth or Dare with Wang Hao's group, and had been dared to send Qi You a message: "Come soothe me."
Perhaps it started then.
Even though he knew it was just a dare, and Jiang Shan had approached him in person right after to apologize and delete the message, he had started noticing him from that moment on. He noticed his solitary figure on the sports field during free practice, noticed the tips of his ears turning red whenever he was called to the board, and noticed him nodding off during breaks.
Qi You didn't understand why he was so drawn to him. Their worlds, clearly, had no common ground.
There are countless reasons to like someone, and sometimes, there is no reason at all.
Many times, he had wanted to strike up a conversation, but that lonely back, that hazy look in Jiang Shan's eyes, always stopped him. He was afraid his suddenness would startle him. Knocking on his door in the dark, he might scare him, make him anxious. What if the thing on the other side was a monster, ready to devour him? And so, he could only watch in silence, quietly holding onto this unspeakable feeling. He told himself to take it slow, that an opportunity would eventually come.
But Qi You never expected the storm to hit Jiang Shan's small world so suddenly.
It all began on a Monday morning. The little puppy, Dou Dou, stopped eating.
At first, Jiang Shan thought he was just being a picky eater. But by evening, he still hadn't touched his favorite food, merely lying curled up in his bed, his eyes weary. His nose was dry and hot. That night, Jiang Shan didn't sleep. The negative thoughts began to invade his mind. "He's going to die, isn't he? It's my fault for not taking good care of him. I never should have brought him home."
The next day, he skipped school and rushed Dou Dou to the vet clinic. The doctor said he had a viral infection and needed to be hospitalized for observation and treatment. The cost was no small sum for a high school student with only a meager allowance. Without hesitation, Jiang Shan withdrew all the savings he had painstakingly collected to pay for the treatment.
In the days that followed, Jiang Shan walked around like a ghost. And Qi You was the first and most obvious person to notice the change.
His face, which was always lowered, sank even further. Qi You desperately wanted to ask, "What's wrong?" but still couldn't find the courage.
Jiang Shan remained lost in his own world. He cried a lot. Qi You often saw him arrive at class with swollen eyes. Sometimes, during the quiet of a lesson, he could even hear the sound of quiet sobs from the desk in front of him. Every time, he just wanted to rush over, pull those thin shoulders into his arms, and comfort him: "Don't cry, it's okay, I'm here now."
But he had no right to. He was just Qi You, the classmate who sat behind Jiang Shan, nothing more.
Dou Dou's condition worsened. After a week of treatment, the doctor said the chances were slim and advised him to prepare for the worst. Jiang Shan nearly collapsed. He no longer cried out loud; tears just streamed silently down his gaunt cheeks. He lost a noticeable amount of weight, dark circles ringed his eyes, and his entire being exuded a frighteningly tragic aura.
And then, the worst happened.
On Friday afternoon, after school, Jiang Shan went to the clinic as usual. But a panicked nurse informed him that Dou Dou had run away. While a cleaner was tidying up, they had carelessly failed to latch the cage door properly. He had slipped out and vanished.
Jiang Shan's mind went blank. A ringing filled his ears. He couldn't hear the staff's frantic apologies anymore. He ran out of the clinic like a madman. The perpetually gray sky suddenly began to shed heavy drops of rain, lashing painfully against his face, but he felt nothing. He ran along the streets, calling his name in vain. "Dou Dou! Dou Dou!"
He searched every nook and cranny, under cars, in the bushes along the road. His clothes were soaked and cold. The sky grew darker. The rain fell harder. The streetlights blurred in the downpour, casting hazy halos on the wet pavement. Jiang Shan was exhausted but didn't dare to stop. He thought of Dou Dou, of his small body enduring the rain and the sickness, and his heart felt like it was being squeezed.
"Dou Dou!"
He saw a small, yellow blur dash across the road. It looked just like him.
Without a second thought, Jiang Shan darted into the street. He saw nothing else, heard nothing else; his eyes were fixed only on that blurry figure.
"SCREECH!..."
The ear-piercing sound of brakes tore through the curtain of rain.
A blinding light rushed towards him.
An excruciating pain spread through his body. Everything collapsed.
.
The news that Jiang Shan had been in a car accident finally reached the class on a Monday morning. The never-quiet classroom suddenly had a new topic of discussion. Someone as silent and invisible as him had suddenly become the main character in every conversation.
The news struck Qi You like a bolt of lightning. The pen in his hand fell to the floor. He couldn't hear what the teacher was saying, nor could he hear the chatter of his classmates. In his mind, the words "car accident" echoed over and over, each one a needle piercing his skin.
All day, Qi You couldn't sit still. He tried every way to get information, learning that Jiang Shan was at the city's central hospital. Fortunately, his life wasn't in danger, but he had suffered a head injury and a broken left leg.
After school, Qi You and a few other classmates arranged to visit Jiang Shan at the hospital. Throughout the journey, Qi You didn't say a word. His mind was a tangled mess of worry and self-blame. Why hadn't he noticed Jiang Shan's distress sooner? Why hadn't he been brave enough to ask him a single question? If he had cared just a little more, maybe this wouldn't have happened. He was lucky to be alive, but what if he hadn't been...
There will always be someone who makes you think more than you ever have before. For Qi You, that person was Jiang Shan.
They found Jiang Shan's room. He was lying on the bed, his head wrapped in white bandages, his left leg in a cast. His face was pale, his lips white, like a fragile porcelain doll whose blood had been drained away by that rainy night, leaving only what was most broken behind.
Jiang Shan's parents were there, their eyes also a pool of weary sorrow, as if they hadn't slept all night.
"Jiang Shan, how are you feeling?"
"Try to rest and get well soon."
"We'll copy all the notes for you."
"Get well soon so you can come back to class, Jiang-ge."
Jiang Shan listened to each of them, remaining silent. His clear eyes looked at them, but his gaze was unfocused, filled only with a hazy distance. He said nothing, just gave a slight, emotionless nod.
Qi You stood at the back, his heart pounding. He walked closer, looking deep into Jiang Shan's eyes. They were still as clear as an autumn lake, but something seemed to be missing.
After his friends left one by one, only Qi You lingered, using the excuse that he wanted to talk more with Jiang Shan's parents. Just then, the doctor entered the room. After a quick check-up, he asked Jiang Shan's parents to step out into the hallway. Qi You followed, standing in a hidden corner to listen.
"His condition is basically stable, and the broken leg will need time to heal. However, the strong impact to his head has caused some side effects," the doctor said. "He has temporary amnesia, specifically retrograde amnesia. This means he still remembers basic knowledge like his name and how to read and write, but recent memories, especially those related to personal relationships and emotions... are all gone."
Qi You's heart skipped a beat.
Amnesia?
Jiang Shan's parents asked a few more worried questions before rushing off to handle some paperwork. In the hospital room, only Jiang Shan and Qi You remained.
Qi You slowly walked back in. He pulled a chair to the bedside. Jiang Shan turned his head to look at him, his large, round eyes filled with the same confusion and inquiry as a child meeting a stranger.
Silence fell over the room, broken only by the steady beeping of the heart monitor.
Beep... beep... beep...
After a long moment, Jiang Shan parted his dry lips, his voice weak and hesitant.
"You are..."
Who are you? he probably wanted to ask.
Qi You looked at Jiang Shan.
He was like a blank sheet of paper, having discarded everything from his past. He no longer remembered Qi You.
A crazy idea flashed through Qi You's mind.
The thought took root as fast as a wild vine, wrapping tightly around his heart and reason, stripping him of his senses. This was a chance. A once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for him to enter Jiang Shan's world, to be by his side and care for him openly, to finally say the words he had buried for so long.
Even if... it was a lie.
Qi You took a deep breath, trying to calm the wild thumping in his chest. He looked directly into Jiang Shan's eyes.
"I'm Qi You."
He paused for a beat.
"I'm your boyfriend."
The words were as light as paper, floating in the air. When they landed, a flicker of startlement rippled through Jiang Shan's clear eyes, quickly replaced by confusion and bewilderment. He blinked, as if trying to search the empty void of his memory for any information about the boy before him. But all he found was a formless white space.
"Boy... friend?" he repeated.
Qi You nodded, as if to confirm it. He raised a hand, his long fingers gently touching a soft lock of Jiang Shan's hair, brushing it aside. The gesture was so natural and intimate that it silenced the storm of doubt brewing in Jiang Shan's heart.
"Mhm. You don't remember?"
Jiang Shan felt the warmth from Qi You's fingers. He shook his head slightly, his gaze still hazy. "I... I don't remember anything."
Seeing the pained and weary look on his face, a flicker of guilt pricked Qi You's heart, but it was quickly overwhelmed by his possessive desire. He pulled his hand back, his voice growing even softer. "It's okay. It's okay if you don't remember. You'll remember eventually. Just rest for now. I'm here for you."
"I'm here for you."
The words were a gentle spell, seeping into Jiang Shan's empty mind. They soothed the pain, soothed the confusion and fear of waking up in a strange world. He looked at Qi You, and a vague sense of security began to form.
He wasn't alone anymore.
It turned out that in this bleak, faint life he couldn't remember, there was someone by his side after all.
Jiang Shan said nothing more, only giving a small nod before slowly closing his eyes and drifting off to sleep. This time, it seemed he could rest a little more soundly.
Qi You sat there, silently watching Jiang Shan's sleeping face. The lie had been sown. From now on, he would have to use countless other lies to cover it. He knew he was wrong. But seeing Jiang Shan sleeping so peacefully, he felt that even if it was a mistake, he was willing to make it.
He would soothe him, protect him, and fill the voids in his memory with the sweetest things.
"Jiang Shan," Qi You whispered, his voice just for himself to hear. "'Come soothe me.' That line... I should have been the one to say it to you."
Because you were never the only one who needed to be soothed.