Chapter 2 Sad Memories

When Edwin arrived at Caroline's ward, she had already had a cesarean section. The baby was incredibly thin and small. She lay in her crib, only a little bigger than a small-sized doll. The exhausted and dejected mother lay on the bed, looking like she had just seen a ghost. As soon as the anesthetic wore out, her wound became increasingly painful. When she saw that Edwin had arrived, she longed for his comfort. But it was a big blow to her already battered mind to realize how frigid he was. Although he didn't scold or yell at her, her body trembled at his icy coldness.

Long after she had left the hospital, her health continued to deteriorate fast. She would have told Edwin about it but because she didn't want to disturb him from taking adequate rest at night, she slept alone with the child while he slept in their guest room. This continued for three years. A premature baby was often sick and needed extra care, and the stress involved was bound to take its toll on the child's caregiver sooner or later. Caroline did her best to cater to the child. The challenge tormented her physically and made her break down. Her once athletic figure soon got replaced with an ugly, bloated, and flabby one.

It was not until Edwin was transferred to a hospital in the city as a doctor that Caroline and her child followed him to the city. On the day they were moving, Caroline lost consciousness unexpectedly and had to be taken to the hospital. After careful examination, they found that she had a severe case of hypoglycemia. Because of her failing health, she began to speak more slowly. Her memories also began to fade as the days went by. She forgot a lot of things and could only remember them by writing them down.

Meanwhile, Edwin's medical skills had become widely recognized. His parents gradually accepted him back into their lives. At their request and his desire, he resumed his studies. He was finally able to bag his doctor's degree at the A City Medical University. It was good for his career but they still had money problems.

When Caroline went to enroll their daughter at the kindergarten, Edwin's allowance at the time was once again barely enough to take care of even himself alone. She resorted to working as a cleaner in her daughter's school so she could get some money. It was the only job that she did in her previous life.

After his graduation, Edwin was able to enter the Affiliated Hospital of A City Medical University Although Edwin's income greatly increased following that, Caroline was used to being frugal. Edwin asked his father to help Caroline find a job, but the man and his wife thought that Caroline was disgusting and they refused to help her. They had no intentions of telling their friends that they had a daughter-in-law like Caroline. Caroline stayed without a decent job because of this.

Later on, Edwin's mother demanded that Caroline got another child for the family. Six months after that, she became pregnant again. If only she knew that this was going to mark the beginning of her doom!

Realizing she was going to have another girl, Edwin's mother said that they already had a granddaughter and that they didn't need another one. She even proceeded to send abortion pills to her, saying that her pregnancy was useless to them. Caroline was alarmed at the turn of events. Not knowing who else to turn to, she quickly called Edwin for help. Her husband listened and kept quiet for some time before he gave his opinion. "Well, we are still quite young. I believe Mom has her reasons. If she says she wants a grandson instead, just listen to her and take the medicine." She had no choice but to succumb to the pressure. She took the pills with hot tears.

After that, she went on to get four more abortions! Three times, she was pregnant with a girl and was forced to take it out. Then she unknowingly had a miscarriage, and the baby was a boy. Many times in Edwin's presence, her mother-in-law accused her of being unable to get a reasonable job. She called her a parasite who just wanted to suck the life out of her young son. She couldn't even take care of a child. She fell ill at least once in three days. She couldn't even have a boy for the family. She was good for nothing! "She's completely useless to the Han family!" Edwin's mother had said. Caroline felt deeply wronged. No one bothered how she felt about anything as long as they had their ways. It was more difficult for her to deal with the injustice when she heard Edwin's indifferent response. "What did my mother say wrong?" Her world collapsed as it dawned on her that she was in serious trouble.

The once cheerful Caroline became gloomy and depressed. She cried over the smallest of things and spent a lot of time moping. Edwin couldn't comprehend how she got to that point in her life. He was unable to empathize with her suffering and instead of caring, he got repulsed by her. At first, he would see her crying and try to comfort her. But after a while, he began to ignore her. When Caroline realized how annoyed he got any time she cried, she decided to weep only when no one was there. She often switched to the more cheerful version of herself when he was around.

Because her husband starved her of love, she gave all of her attention to her daughter and became attached to the girl. Unfortunately, her daughter was more like Edwin. No matter how crazy Caroline got, the girl was indifferent and gave her mother a cold shoulder. She even preferred to be around her father more.

When Caroline finally had a son, she was thirty-six. That day, as she came out of the operating room, weak and in need of affection, she saw her parents surrounding her bed. Edwin sat on the edge of another bed with their newly-born son in his arms. Her daughter and mother-in-law circled him. That was when she heard that Edwin's mother wanted to take her grandson back with her to raise him "properly". Caroline's mother strongly disagreed with the arrangement and said it to Edwin's mother's face. Then the two women broke into a big fight.

Edwin's mother started to hurl hurtful words at them. "My grandson will not stay with a woman who slept with a man casually and got pregnant before marriage! I'm worried that he would grow up to become a hooligan and nonentity! I can't let that happen."

Caroline's mother had a heart attack when she heard those harsh words. She was lucky enough to be revived as she was right in the hospital. Edwin was on Caroline's side about not letting his mother take the child away but this did not stop Caroline from hating her mother-in-law's guts.

As her son grew up, Caroline was unenthusiastic. It was like she had lost interest in the hustle and bustle of life. She was sometimes lost in trances that made her unconscious of her environment. She often refused to lend a helping hand to her mother-in-law when she did chores and cared for the children. The more fatigued the woman got, the happier Caroline was. But there was not much time for her to be truly happy. Since her mother had a heart attack in the hospital, her health also grew worse. It was so terrible that she was often hospitalized. In the next few years, Caroline had had no desire, hope, or disappointment about all that had happened. She just kept surviving.

It wasn't until her mother died of a heart attack that she finally began to feel the sting of the hand that life had dealt her. Caroline felt like she was living another person's life. As she stared at her mother's cold body, she could not muster the strength to cry. 'Death isn't such a bad idea, actually. Everyone will die in the end anyway, ' she thought. A year after that, her father also died of depression. Caroline suddenly felt lonely in the world. There was no one to love her.

She became worse when she hit menopause. The deep longing to see her parents overwhelmed her and she went to the cemetery to visit them one day. On her way back, she got lost. It was getting dark and she still couldn't find her way so she called the police. They promptly sent her to Edwin's hospital. That was the only address she remembered. As Edwin received her from the police car, his eyes were filled with disdain. She was stunned at his unmasked expression.

The day after that, she decided to go buy some clothes. It was a decision she took suddenly. She also forced her daughter to ask for leave so that she could accompany her to the mall. The clothes she bought were in the sizes she used to wear before she became a mother. When she tried them on, Edwin snorted contemptuously, "They are so ugly!" "Well, I like them," she answered back.

They had grown apart over time and were sleeping in different rooms because she was dealing with insomnia as a result of the menopause. On the morning of the next day, she didn't come out of her room at the usual time. Even when Edwin rose to prepare for work, there was no sign of her. It was strange. She usually got up early to make breakfast for him. Edwin called her name several times but there was no answer. He could feel that something was wrong. Pushing the door of her room open, he saw her lying on the bed. She was facing the window.

"Caroline?" he called again, but she didn't move. He went over and tugged at her. She was still. Edwin realized the situation instantly. He reached out to feel her artery, but what he touched was cold and stiff skin.