Chapter 2 The Next Morning

The next morning came, and Samuel took us to the park where we would get a bus to Angie's place.

Mind you, I had cheated on Hendry. He had canceled on me before the party I forgot to mention that. He said he couldn't make it because he had to babysit, but he knew something wasn't right. Still, he never asked. We continued the relationship, but by then, I realized the spark was gone at least on my end. But because Samuel didn't seem to be in my league, I decided to refocus on Hendry and forcefully rebuild the spark. Slowly and steadily, I tried to bring us back while he continued to withdraw into a romantic silence I couldn't understand. We'd go days without talking, and when I did reach out, it would turn into a fight. Yet I kept pushing for us to work, even as I continued sexual chats with Samuel, who was in the UK studying law at the time.

After Hendry came Emeka. I was 18, and he was 35 or 36. I told myself I was done with small boys they break hearts and don't know how to love right. I believed I had found the one, and it was a short-lived romance. He was a doctor, broke, but I don't know why I still believed he was "it" or a big shot.

I think I missed the part where I lost my virginity. Let's scale back.

I had failed my WAEC, and my parents enrolled me at Cion Study Center to prepare for my GCE. There, I met Tome Abiore, a young graduate from the UK. Another short-lived relationship. All Tome wanted was sex. He was quiet, always tired of my constant talking. I later found out he was cheating anyways, so I ended the relationship via text. Mind you, I never felt any sexual tension or real romance with him I forced the feelings, so it was easy to let go.

Before Tome, there was Roll we called him FCT.

An amazing individual when we met. I never loved him, but he seemed like a big shot. Said he was based in Holland and shipped cars, which I now know was a lie. As a mature man (though I never knew his real age), he and I were kind off cool. I wasn't interested, so I didn't notice much. Once, he took me to his friend's house in Sin City, Abuja, and tried to seduce me. Because I wasn't interested, I struggled away and begged him to take me home. He was shocked I was a virgin. He used his finger to dis-virgin me. It was one of the most painful experiences of my life. I screamed. Then he sucked me, and I came. After begging him to take me home, I couldn't sit or walk properly. I hid that from my parents and never spoke about it again. I blocked him everywhere once I got home. His chapter was closed.

Samuel and I continued an on-and-off online affair flirting, ghosting. I wanted something real with him so badly, but the timing was always off. I never felt good enough. I saw him as a rich man's son and myself as a poor man's daughter. It felt like we were from two different worlds. I never knew if he loved me. I just kept holding on, hoping.

Right before Samuel returned to the UK for school, we decided to hang out at Silverbird. I was there with Hendry and a few of his mates. I was the eldest in their midst. Samuel came with a driver, and we had a seat to gist. Among the group was a girl named Stella. I didn't know Samuel had picked interest in her. That night, while chatting with him, he asked for her Facebook details. I gave them to him.

I was broken. I never felt pretty or good enough to be with him, so I thought, "Well, she's prettier, so she should have him." That broke me, though I didn't even realize how much at the time. I kept skating through tasteless relationships that lacked depth on my end.

I kept wishing Samuel would message. And when he did, we'd flirt then he'd ghost again. I knew it would never work. I needed to move on.

Then came Emeka.