For The Kids, I Stayed

CHAPTER 1 - He Said God Sent Him

Coming back home a place I was once kicked out of doesn't feel the same. It doesn't feel right. It feels like a bad decision. It feels like I'm hurting myself, over and over again. Like I'm living another mistake I'll regret in time.

Now, I realize that one of the most fragile things in life isn't trust it's love. Once love is broken, it cannot be repaired. I don't know how some couples do it, but for me, I feel empty. I feel like I've given up too much, once again, to do this marriage thing. I don't want to say I'm against marriage I do appreciate a beautiful love story. I appreciate chemistry, romance, the hunger for one another. But not when it's forced.

Why does our culture glorify marriage so badly? Why is it so important? Why does it make or break you? I need answers to these questions. I consider myself a woman who wants to live and experience the most beautiful parts of love and life. I think I had it recently... and I ruined it, because my life was a mess. I don't even blame him for choosing to leave me.

MY STORY

Just a young, beautiful girl living life. I spent four years as a diplomat's daughter in Bangkok, Thailand and I must say, those were the best years of my life. I had amazing teachers, the best classmates, and I lived a dream. I played basketball in secondary school, and of course, I considered myself the best on the team even if I wasn't.

That aside, I always wanted a love life people would be jealous of. A love that lasted. A love that never faded. A love that stood the test of time, filled with romance. But it never seemed to click with any of the men I dated or even came across. I must admit, I was extremely naïve. I had my first kiss at the age of 15, in a cinema. That experience left a mark. I kept looking for that kind of kiss in everyone I dated, and when I didn't find it, I got bored. I lost interest.

Coming back to Nigeria was the beginning of my never-ending bad decisions. One mess after another. Eager to experience it all. Just a few days into my new school, I dated the shortest senior. Two days later, I ended it and moved on to crushing on his friend. We dated for a few days, but he avoided me based on what the two-day senior told him. So, I knew that second relationship was also a flop. A major flop. I abandoned my basketball dreams and focused on preparing for WAEC, which, of course, I failed in Maths. But here's why.

After graduating from SS2, I was heading home when I exchanged numbers with the hottest junior. That was the beginning of my holiday romance. Through texting, I fell in love with his mind and how he treated me. He was attentive. He was in love. And that was all I needed.

We went on to have the kind of relationship in high school that most people judged, but secretly envied. In some way, dating him made me feel special and seen. He was tall, dark, and handsome. He truly loved me even without doing too much.

Meanwhile, his ex was still in the picture, though I didn't know it at the time. When I eventually found out, I was already in too deep. I told him to choose. He said he chose me. It was blind love. Beautiful, blind love.

I wrote WAEC and left school to look for admission into university. We kept in touch, but I noticed his attention and chatty nature began to fade. We fought a lot. I couldn't understand the sudden shift in energy.

One day, I was on my bed when an old classmate called me. She asked,

"Leone, are you and Hendry still dating?"

I said, "Yes, we are."

She said, "Oh. I heard he's dating Conthia again, and their relationship is better now that you've left."

It was like a jolt of electricity ran through me. I jumped off my bed and ran to buy airtime. I called Hendry something I rarely did since we always just chatted. He laughed off the situation but never gave me a straight answer. Then he ended the call.

I was broken.

I searched for ways to heal. I starved myself. I cried and cried. I relived the embarrassment of dating a younger guy who broke me even after I lowered my standards for him. I realized I love deeply and hard. Getting out of that shell was difficult, but I eventually found a way to heal and numb the pain.

My way?

To date a new guy.

Before Hendry and I officially broke up, I had gone to visit him at his house during the holidays. Nothing happened. On our way back, while walking to the road to get a cab i remember Dawaki, 2013 a car pulled up and handed out a party poster.

"LET'S GET WASTED."

I'd never been to a party before, so we agreed it was a great way to unwind after secondary school. My best friend Angie was staying with me, so we figured out how to sneak out by lying to my parents. Angie was my voice of reason. She helped me out of bad decisions. But I was the pretty one, with the ass guys wanted-so they'd go through Angie to get to me. She was a real one. She always kept it real with me. I would always run things by her before making any decision, and she'd genuinely advise me like she was the one involved.

Party night came. We lied to my parents and said I was sleeping over at her house. This was the first time I was doing something like this. Mind you-I hadn't passed my WAEC, and I had no university admission.

We left the house and went straight to the party. Seeing Samuel the guy I'd been chatting with for months was thrilling. Young, handsome, from the UK, and studying law. He picked us up, said nothing, and rushed off to coordinate the event. We joined the party. It wasn't my scene, but the experience was electric. We spent time with Samuel and his friends.

And then-it happened.

I found that kiss.

The kiss I had been looking for all along.

Samuel and I kissed-and it was magical. I wanted more. And more. And more of it. It felt like we were lost in the moment. Everyone was watching, but we didn't care. We went at it-hungry for each other. That ended with us in a hotel room. Kissing. Smushing.

But no sex. No sex.

I was 18. Samuel was 20. And since we had already been chatting, I was already in love-asking him to define us.

Define us??