Chapter 5 Pouring it all out

Cassy's POV - Pouring it all out.

Alfred has not been his usual self for days now. The man spent most of his time in his dimly lit apartment and tied to himself. Was my sister such a big deal to make a man like that throw away his whole life for her?

His once vibrant self faded and all I could see was a drunk man who wasted away his life and time. Many times I had come to the apartment to meet him drunk, dirty and asleep on his coach.

For God's sake, it's been a week since Lexie's incident, shouldn't he be over it by now?

Every passing moment seemed to stretch into eternity as I waited for him to get back to his normal self. His once familiar, comforting environment now felt strange and oppressive. I went to clean and cook for him but he would refuse my food and not say anything to me.

I hated the fact that I was going through this because of Lexie. "I hate you, Lexie!" I screamed. "Just let me be happy, for once."

I calmed down and took my phone to call Alfred. For days, he has refused to see me or talk to me. He was avoiding me on purpose and I didn't know the reason. I was there when he was hurting, how could he ditch me, now.

I visited my mother to see how she was doing. When I stopped at the door of the house where we had grown up to become kids. I felt guilt but I didn't let it eat me up.

"All I did was put on the recording of her husband in their room. I didn't kill her, so why feel guilty." I kept on reminding myself.

I decided to visit my mum. Our once beautiful house filled with good memories suddenly became dark. I walked into the sitting room to see that everywhere was so messed up. Dishes were left on the tables, wraps of biscuits were found everywhere. The kitchen was so dusty, the whole house was a mess.

"Mum?" I called my mother but she didn't respond. I knew she was home because her favorite bag which she used for shopping was hanging at the back of the kitchen door.

"Mum?" I called again and when I got no response. I decided to find her in her room and as I guessed, she was there.

"Mum, I have been calling you." I told her when I opened the door.

"Hmm." My mum tilted her head to see who it was. "Cassy? Is that you?"

"Yes, mum. Why are you still in bed?"

"I don't feel like standing or doing anything at all." She responded. "How are you?"

"I'm trying Mum but you and Alfred keep making things hard on me. I'm also mourning Lexie but should I be the one to pick you guys up. I have no one to pick me up either." One or two tears escaped my eyes, intentionally of course.

"Alfred? Did you visit him?" My mother sat up, quite interested in the conversation.

"Yes mum. I have been going there to see him and help him out too." I responded. "Let's go down, I'll make some snacks for you."

"Okay." She only answered.

I quietly dragged her out of bed. "Have you taken your bath at all?"

"Not today." She replied, not even a bit bothered.

"I'll give you a quick bath. You'll have your bath and eat so you can rest properly. I want you to start going to the supermarket again. Lexie is gone and she isn't coming back." I told her, not caring how that sounded. I was done being nice about the things I felt so it was time to let it all out.

"Mum?"

She was eating the biscuits I had served her with some chilled coke.

"What do you think about me getting married to Alfred?" My mother started coughing seriously. I brought water and patted her back while she drank it. "Was it my question that caused this?"

"Cassy? Are you out of your mind? Why would you think of something like that?"

"Why can't I? He isn't married anymore, is he? I have never been married either."

"He is your late sister's husband."

"That doesn't make us incompatible, does it?"

"Your sister died just a week ago, give her that respect.."

"Your sister, your sister! That's all I hear in this house. I'm tired already. Can't I be happy without Lexie trying to ruin it? For goodness sake, she's dead!"

"Don't say that!" My mother screamed back at me. "She's your sister and you'll give her the respect she deserves, no matter what."

"I'm not disputing the fact but I need to breathe, for God sakes." I broke down into tears, not feigned ones now. I was tired of being compared with Lexie all my life. "I'm tired, mum. I want to leave my life now. Is that too much to ask?"

My mum was sitting at the coach as she watched me. Didn't she believe that I was truly hurt? Did she think that I was pretending?

"You remember that time I came back home hungry but instead you asked me to wait because you were still preparing the meal and the one remaining was the one you left for Lexie? Do you remember?" I asked. I took a seat opposite her watching her eat.

"That was years ago and she was sick. I wanted to make sure she took her drugs when she came back from school."

"Do you also remember that time when I came home with a bad result and she did so well. You and dad got her Christmas gift while I got a Teddy bear which I hated so much."

"We promised you guys that anyone who improved in school would get plenty of gifts on Christmas. Didn't we? You even agreed to it." My mother kept her food on the table in front of her. "What are you trying to do? Why are you bringing this up?

"I'm bringing it up because I know that no matter what I do, I'll never be enough for you. It was always Lexie and never me. I know you wish I was the one who died in the accident and nor Lexie.."

"Cassy?"

"Don't interrupt me, all I want to tell you is that I will fight to get what I want, WHAT I WANT. No matter what you or anyone else thinks." I took my black handbag and left in a hurry.

She called after me but I didn't respond. I had made the statement I wanted to so it was time to leave. I checked my time and it was 5:30pm, it would soon be time for Alfred to be home. I wanted to make him a delicious meal since he had started working, so I went to the supermarket to shop for food.

With my spare key, I unlocked the door to the house, letting myself in. The house was in good order, the exact way I had left the last time I came. Alfred was going back to his usual self, eating good food made by me and going to work. I was so glad when I found out he was eating my food unlike those times, he would reject it.

It gave me a sense of belonging in all of this.

I started making the dishes quickly because I wanted it ready before he came home. I washed the left out dishes and cleaned the kitchen when I was done. I checked the time again and it was 7:40pm.

I sat and watched Television as I waited for him. I was enjoying a beautiful movie with a cup of popcorn when I heard the sound of a car in the garage. That was Alfred and I was sure of it.

I ran to the large mirror and quickly dressed my hair and dress. I rushed to open the door for him even before he knocked but was shocked at who I saw.

"Peter?"