Chapter 4 My dashing world

Alfred's POV - My dashing world.

"What was I to start from?"

The scene went completely silent, broken only by hushed whispers and the sound of the rain in my ears. I stood under the rain, my gaze fixed upon a figure I couldn't see properly.

Was that Lexie? Why was she glowing so brightly? If she was standing there, why did they declare her dead?

Memories of our time together flooded my mind, moments of joy, happiness and shared goals. They were all too void right now as I thought of Lexie dead. Why would that happen to a woman so kind?

"No, you must find her. Find her!" I screamed at the top of my voice. Tears from nowhere began to flow seamlessly down my cheeks yet I made no effort to clean them.

"Don't cry." Cassy consoled me. She herself was shedding uncontrollable tears and needed comforting too. I had to be strong for her too.

"It's okay." I held her up but she stumbled back down.

"She can't be dead, right?" She shoved me violently. "Alfred, tell me she isn't dead. You'll find her right?" She cried her soul out and I suddenly felt bad for her.

I nodded in affirmation but how could I tell her that I couldn't do more than the police had done. They said her body couldn't be found, that the river must have carried her body to no one knows where.

I helped her up and together in our misery, we walked home together. The police had already packed up their stuff and left, so we were left alone.

Was this how it felt? Death.

Was it this painful? My heart was crying out slowly from my body.

When we entered the house, we were still dripping with water from the rain. "You can change. Lexie's clothes are in the wardrobe." I told her, leading her to my bedroom while I waited outside the door.

She came out dressed in dried clothes which were Lexie's clothes. At that moment, it felt like Lexie came back to me. I stretched my hands and touched her face.

"Is that you?" I asked.

Cassy must have been shocked because she stumbled back at the touch of my hands.

"I'm sorry." I stuttered when I realized what I had done. I was too heartbroken to see that she was Cassy and not Lexie.I led Cassy to bed, straight up because she looked tired and I was afraid of what could happen since I didn't trust myself at the moment. I had laid her to bed but when I was about to leave, she sat up, still with teary eyes.

"I can't sleep." She shook her head.

I couldn't sleep either so we went to the sitting room to drink coffee.

"Would you like some coffee?" She asked me.

"No, thank you."

She went into the kitchen and brought 2 cups of hot coffee when she came out.

"You went out into the rain so you need this so you won't fall sick." She said to me and just then, I could see Lexie in her. She was as caring as Lexie was.

"Was."

I never believed there would be a time I would ever mourn my wife's death, not yet. She lived a good life and made me happy.

"Come on, take some coffee. Don't think too much." Cassy urged me.

"Thank you." I accepted the coffee, then watched her drink hers. "I'm sorry this had to happen."

"You don't have to apologize, it has happened. We just have to take care of ourselves and not let the hurt we feel overwhelm us." She responded.

"Yes." I responded. I didn't want to talk but I also didn't want to sound rude. There was silence as I sipped my coffee.

The house felt empty without Lexie in it. I didn't know where to start and what to do.

A few days after that, met me asleep on the bed sleeping but not exactly sleeping peacefully. My pillows were filled day and night with tears. I refused to eat or do anything.

Cassy visited but it didn't make things better. She would cook for me and clean the house but couldn't get me to eat. It was all too frustrating for her but I didn't care a bit. Hours turned into days and days into weeks but I still couldn't get myself together.

The company was suffering because I refused to go to work. My friends and family called but I refused to pick anyone's call. Cassy was the one that could come into the house because she had the apartment keys even when Lexie was alive. That was how much Lexie trusted her.

The next week, I picked myself up. It was time to go on with life. I have been trying to keep up with the cop's report but they still haven't found Lexie's body. That Monday morning, I woke up as usual. I would have gone back to bed but I hit my alarm and got up immediately.

I went in to have a bath and brush my teeth to start my day. I watched my reflection in the mirror and discovered I had lost so much weight because I had been starving myself. Talking about food, I went to the refrigerator, knowing I would surely find something to eat since Cassy came in every now and then to make dishes which I always rejected.

I microwaved the Bagels she had made the other day so I could eat. It actually tasted good. It was the first proper meal I was having after Lexie's death. I washed it down with a bottle of yogurt which tasted heavenly. I decided I would call Cassy and thank her for her work.

Peter called immediately and for the first time after weeks, I answered.

"Finally, man. I'm so glad you picked up."

"You didn't want me to answer?" I asked, picking on him. Peter was my colleague and most importantly my best friend.

"You know that's not what I mean. I have been trying to reach out to you for days. I'm so sorry for your loss."

"It's alright. I'm over it now." I said, trying not to dwell in the past so much. "How is work in the office?"

"Work is quite stressful especially now that you aren't here but I'm trying to hold on."

"I'm coming to work today." I said to him and I could imagine him gasping at me.

"No, no. Don't do that." He said. "Don't worry, I'm coming to your apartment. Wait there." He responded.

"No..I'm.." I was still speaking when the fool hung up on me. I smiled at the phone. It's been a long time since I had a friend visit so I would just allow him. I decided to call my parents too but I wasn't ready for my mother's visit so I decided to wait.

I was down with showers and was dressing up when I heard a knock at the door. I opened the door sharply to see him.

"Men, you're serious?" He gazed at me from outside. "You're not going to work today."

"Should I lock you outside?" I asked and he hissed not even realizing he was still standing outside the door.

"I miss you, men. I really do." He gave me a hug even before I was done closing the door.

"Yeah." I returned the hug myself. Peter And I went way back, we met at High school and have been friends since then. We went to the same high school and were even roommates. He was like my elder brother, just that we didn't always agree on the same thing.

"You shut me out, that was so unfair. I found out from our colleagues. I don't know how they found out either. I called and called. I came here even at evenings knocking but you refused to open the door. Once I met your wife's sister but she was already leaving."

"I'm sorry. I just had a lot going on and I didn't know what to do."

"I only prayed you wouldn't hurt yourself. I'm so glad to see you. Your place does look clean, what do you have in the fridge? I'm hungry." Peter complained as usual.

"What do you mean? You're the one who should get me something to eat. I have been in doors for weeks."

"I know you're being taken care of so I wasn't bothered." He laughed as he ate the Bagels I had left over.

I knew he was speaking about Cassy but I didn't want to indulge in that kind of conversation. It was true that Cassy had been helpful to me for the past weeks but I would politely ask her to stop showing up here unannounced.