Chapter 4 AURORA

Days passed and I kept ignoring Josh. I convinced myself that he was not worthy of my attention. For God's sake, who did he think he was? it didn't mean that just because he was the hottest guy in school that I had to be such an idiot and give in to his whims. The only thing that was worrying me at the moment was this contradictory feeling that was growing absurdly in my chest against my will. I confess that this was bothering me beyond imagination.

Back on Orkut, I added the boy with the face of an angel to my contact list and I confess that his unexpected friendship has surprised me. We always talk about our experiences, he talks about his life, and I tell him about mine, including my recent crazy thing with Josh; in fact, there is nothing between us but sex and a lot of lack of dialogue. In fact, Josh has no interest in knowing anything about my life other than what I have to offer him.

Celso, that's the MSN guy is called. He is very kind and shy, a sweet person. He's only 2 years older than me, but he seems like a very sincere and genuine guy – he's already won points with me just for that. He told me that he has a crush on a classmate, they both hooked up sometimes, but he wants to date her seriously. He believes, however, that she just wants to have fun while he is head over heels in love with her. I confess that having made this virtual friendship with Celso has helped me a lot to spend my time and take my focus away from Josh Bertini, that pathetic idiot!

Today is Monday. All weekend I focused on my homework so I wouldn't freak out thinking about Josh. It was disturbing how he would have stolen my thoughts for almost 24 hours if I didn't cut them off.

As always, my friends Robert and Venâncio saved a place for me at the back of the room. We were always together inseparably because we like to joke and in part we are studious. I'm not going to lie: I have to confess that I've been a little relaxed with studies this year, due to the last cases that have been happening to me in recent years. But that's part of it!

Josh is more present in my classroom than ever. I heard a rumor that his ''relationship'' with Silvania went down the drain and he doesn't seem the least bit worried about it, but in another hand, he's investing heavily in shameless looks at me.

I was sitting on the patio teaching my classmates how to pronounce some words in English so we could present a song that we were going to sing in class. It was then that Robert burst out laughing and elbowed me making me look at him from the corner of my eye. He made a sign for me to divert my gaze to Josh who was staring at me in the biggest face passing his tongue over

his lips and looking at me in a sexy and seductive way from behind the back of one of the girls in my class, who was also part of your circle of ''friends''.

I won't deny that this stirred something within me, but I tried to give it little or no importance and forced myself to focus on what I was doing. To hell with Josh! I wouldn't be a fool anymore, I wouldn't allow myself to be like my mother and stay in the corners, suffering because of my father. I promised myself that I wouldn't be like her in that regard. If a man really wants me? Let him fight to conquer me!

More days passed and then Thursday arrived. It was service church day, and my mother went to her church. I didn't attend because I was studying for a biology seminar. I was at my grandmother's house when my mother arrived calling in a hurried voice and she seemed scared, I hurried to open the gate and then she said the following.

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'' Take it easy. A guy was following me. He came all the way here after me and now he's just standing there. Disguise and look '' My whole body froze; I immediately thought it was some thief.

I pulled him onto the porch and looked out.

My heart skipped a beat when I saw Josh on his motorcycle looking into my house with his serious, intimidating eyes.

'' My God '' I said almost anesthetized.

'' What it was? do you know him? '' My mother asked me as I went back inside the house '' I thought it was a thief trying to rob me! I was going down and then he was coming past me, then he turned around and followed me. The impression it gives is that he wanted to see where I lived. Did he want to steal from me?

Then I looked at her in amazement.

Did Josh know that she is my mother? Was that's why he followed her to find out where my house was? Did he want to see me? My foolish heart filled with a noisy hope that I forced myself once again not to delude myself. Of course he wants me - I thought - he just wants to enjoy my body and share it with his friends.

An unexpected fury gripped my body.

'' I don't know him, my mother. But I think I've seen him around college '' That was my answer to her, and then I went back to my books.

Josh was an asshole.

''Did he come after you? '' I froze to the soul dropping my pen on top of my biology book.

''Believe me, not! '' And not at all!

My mother was still looking at me and I pretended I didn't see it until she left and went to talk to my aunts about how the service had gone.