Chapter 2 AURORA

Josh went into the bedroom while I sat on the other couch, deathly embarrassed to see my friend almost having sex right in front of me; I wrung my hands and moved my feet with nervousness and regret because I knew that good things would not come out of there. Then he came back shirtless and nodded for me to follow him to his room.

"Sit down," Josh said. And I did, glancing at him from the corner of my eye, he sat beside me studying me.

Then he came to kiss me I looked away.

''What is it, girl? we are going to hook up '' He said.

I looked back at him, unsure of anything. For God's sake! I was ''NBK'' I had never kissed even the mirror to know if I knew how to do that or not, I was afraid of being bad at it, I really was.

''It's normal between a couple to roll these things around '' He continued, and I had to laugh.

''Normal? Seriously, we're not a couple. I just met you.''

He chuckled and ruffled his long hair looking away from me.

I paid too much attention to my taste that I found this kind of sexy guy.

Then he looked at me decidedly already coming on top of me and sticking his tongue in my mouth.

The feeling I felt was absurd and new, I felt like I was experiencing something I had never tried, and the worst thing was that no matter how much I tried to get my mind back under control, I couldn't, because he was managing to leave me really involved in it; when he moved his hand further down, I barred him and pushed him.

'' What is happening?''

'' Not that '' I said almost out of breath because of the kiss we were giving, thinking of running away, but it was too late because Cristina was moaning in the room, preventing my escape, the embarrassment would be worse.

For a person who had never kissed in his life, I knew he was good. But there was something about him that alarmed me.

He stared at me for a few seconds in disbelief and got off me with a frustrated sigh as he threw himself onto the bed.

I stayed the same way.

he looked at me.

'' Come at me'' He said.

And I dutifully went.

I realized that he was bossy, he liked to give orders and that made me angry deep down.

We kissed again as I felt his hands running all over my body, it felt good, I'm not going to lie, I felt numb. My body was filled with energy I didn't even know I possessed, I could feel how hard he was as our bodies moved together rubbing in synchrony - and dammit - my body lit up with the realization. However, I still tried to stay in control. I stopped at the exact moment he took off my school uniform and took my bra off, tucking one of my breasts into his mouth as I stared into his eyes. They were fixed on me and glowed in the dark light by the few lights that came from the room, they didn't look dead and lifeless like the other times I saw him.

I hurriedly got off him trying to stay in control, even though I felt my reason slipping away from lust.

''Not like this. '' I said trying to control my breathing.

''But you're difficult, you know? '' I noticed that he was almost losing his temper and a part of me enjoyed pissing him off.

Then he climbed on top of me again not giving me time to think and kissed me deep, I threaded my fingers through his thick hair, the back of his neck, and I liked it. I nibbled, kissed a lot and then my reasoning went away, if someone asked what my name was at that time, I swear I wouldn't know how to answer. It's undeniable that there was terrible attraction between us.

Josh put his hand down to the zipper of my pants and tried to get down, I stopped him in the act.

''Let it go, give it to me please...'' When he said that with his eyes and a pleading expression I decided to surrender, and it was the worst decision I had to make in my life. I was silly and inexperienced.

He opened a drawer full of condoms and took off his clothes and told me to take mine off.

He made me get down on all fours and came from behind, I was shocked when I saw him without clothes, I swore that all that would not fit me; he wasn't affectionate, he didn't ask me if I was a virgin or not, he just thrust himself full and all in me and it hurt like hell, tears jumped out of my eyes without me wanting to.

'' Did I enter the right place? He asked in a squeaky voice.''

''I don't know. '' I said, and I really didn't know. He, who had experience with women, didn't know, who would know?

Josh was out of control and crazy, anyone could tell by the words and murmurs he said. But it was hurting a lot and I really wanted it to stop, I could still bear it because it was slow.

''What the hell, I'm going to fuck '' He said and accelerated the movements and then I couldn't take it anymore.

The movements got stronger, I felt his member pushing hard and hard inside me.

''Stop! ''

I said feeling an unbearable pain, but he didn't stop and that only grew the anger in me.

The more I asked him to stop, the stronger he dominated me.

I tried to escape his control by trying to crawl on the bed, but he pulled me without leaving me, throwing my ass high in the air and fucking me without any pity. Until I managed to escape and his member came out of me, I went to the side looking at him with anger, because it looked like I was split in half, it burned and it hurt a lot.

He came into my field of vision looking at me in disbelief, holding the condom on his astonishingly large member. He was 17 or 18 years old, I think, and I was 16.

'' Was it in the right place, for sure? ''He was looking at me strangely and I noticed a curious look in his expression with a little smile on his mouth that made me even more irritated with his face, I really wanted to take revenge for the pain I was feeling.

''I don't know '' I growled very angrily.

He lay down on the bed and told me to go on top, but it hurt too much to sit on him. Damn! He was too big, and I was sore, he noticed my pained expression.

''Do you want to stop? '' He asked and I nodded yes.

I got off him and he walked out of the room.

But nothing prepared me to know that he had switched places with his friend, yes, the same one who was staying with my friend.

I was immediately in shock, the room was dark, but I knew it wasn't the same person.

A huge disappointment took my heart.

Damn!

I had trusted him my virginity, he stole it from me with a lot of persuasion and even had the nerve to give me to his friend. A 'ménage' I didn't even know the meaning of at the time. And yet all this happens without my consent?

Josh was in the living room with Cristina!

The feeling was horrible.... I gave myself over to autopilot.

The most frightening is that I was so speechless that I ended up giving myself to Carlos, he was softer and not as aggressive as Josh was. It had no grip and that pissed me off too. But I did everything, and angry at the same time, he didn't last long... soon came his release and I took the opportunity to escape from him, but he came at me again, kissing and hugging me trying to manipulate my body, he didn't want to leave me to go away. And I really wanted to get away from them. What hurt the most was knowing that Josh didn't give shit about me or what had happened between us a few minutes ago, I wanted to hit him, curse, whatever!

***

After some time, he returned to the room and turned on the light, looked at me for a few seconds, and asked me to hurry up, because his father would arrive there sometime later.

I got dressed and left the room, of course feeling a lot of pain and a lot of regrets. It felt like someone had ripped my soul out, I felt dirty and used.

Josh showered and came to the bathroom door while I was sitting in the living room. Cristina talked very easily with Carlos, and they laughed at I don't know what, because all I thought was that I wanted to escape to the mountains, far away from them. I started to realize that he wasn't a good person, he had something wrong with him. If I thought I was obscure, he was much worse than I imagined.

He stared at me with the same cynical smile.

''Are you going to tell me you didn't like it? '' He asked me looking at my face.

I rolled my eyes at him '' It won't happen again '' He laughed at my speech and that made me furious '' It was just an eclipse; it doesn't always happen. '' I got up and turned my back on him going to the exit. '' Let's go, Christina! '' I yelled at the door.

Because I was pissed at her too for having so blatantly deceived me, and because I let myself be seduced by that boy.

She came to me laughing accompanied by that Carlos.

'' Wait a second. Josh goes to put on the clothes and comes to open the door.''

I huffed impatiently.

He arrived and opened the door. When we were already outside, I watched him closely.

The night was very cold.

He was shirtless and only wearing shorts and wet hair.

But handsome as hell, the son of a bitch.

I gritted my teeth and clenched my fists in annoyance.

He didn't even look at me and that made me angry.

''We're going to schedule another day there '' He said with the biggest face of what he was capable of.

Cristina laughed '' You're naughty, huh? you don't have a girlfriend, no?''

'' I do, of course! I date Silvania.''

My heart sank.

He had a girlfriend, and he still took my virginity??? and that wasn't the worst, the girl was in the same class as me! It made it even more disastrous, I felt like a slut. How would I face Silvania at school knowing that the two of them are dating?

The feeling of helplessness was so great that I wanted to disappear from the earth.

Cristina said goodbye to him while he closed the padlock and then went along the way talking about how good he was in bed, how much he fucked "well" (words which I considered too promiscuous to be heard).

I felt nauseous and very angry with myself, with him, with Cristina and the situation I had gotten myself into. The next day, on the afternoon shift, I saw him at school, and of course he didn't give a shit for me. It was like I didn't even exist and that made me really hurt.

I just couldn't believe it had been used like that and discarded without further ado.

I felt like crap!

Then some things started to bother me even more. I started paying too much attention to him, in everything he did.... as much as I didn't want to, it seemed automatic. I also forced myself to ignore him when I saw him, I didn't look in his direction, much less when I passed by. I wasn't liking what was bubbling up in me about him.

At night there was a church service, and I was scared to death to go and that some sister from the church would have some revelation and point the finger at me saying that I had lost my virginity and that I was in sin, and on top of that being used as a slut. It would be super bad my reputation in front of my whole family, I was scared to death of thinking what my mother would think of me, all I didn't want was to be compared with my father, even though he had already left the earth.

I invented a headache and ended up skipping church that day.

A lot of strange feelings flooded my chest. It was anger, appreciation, attraction. I didn't understand why I felt these things for him if I didn't want to feel them. Until one day Cristina came to me again and sent a message from him: once again he wanted to hook up with me.

It was sick that even though I didn't admit it, I wanted him again and again and again.... how could I feel that way if he was such a jerk to me? Why was I feeling this way about him? They were too confusing feelings to deal with. He had become like a drug to me that I was becoming addicted to, and I knew it wasn't good. It was toxic and sick, but I wanted him. Only him.

The night had arrived, once again it was time for extended time studies and again, I was persuaded by Cristina to make out with Josh.

''It's just going to be friends. Me with his friend and him with you.''

''Are you sure, Cristina? I don't want what happened last time to happen again! '' I said, already feeling angry remembering what had happened.

''No, it will be like that, trust me. Josh is into you, he wants you, woman! Then play! Enjoy!''

And when I got there, it was just the opposite.

If he let me down the first time, this one would be no different.

Josh was sitting there like a Greek god on his couch, watching me with an evil twinkle in his eye.