Chapter 3 Devastation

Some days are so devastating that it stays in your head and heart as yesterday. Months went by and no word from Joseph. You would think that it would bring me some comfort that all the bills still were being paid by him. But No, every time the mortgage statement came showing the previous month paid it sickened me. A person has to really not care for you to rather pay all the bills instead of having a meeting to come to terms of what both parties are responsible for after a break up.

​It gets harder to talk to friends and family the next few weeks. All they want to know is "have you heard from him, is he still paying the bills, have you tried to go out on a date, are you going to look for a job, do you think he's seeing someone else and the classic question is there something you're not telling us as to why he left did you do something?" Don't they realize the emotional state I am in, I mean my fiancé' has just left me on what feels like yesterday which was just four weeks from our should have been happily ever after and to top it off I don't even know why. I mean isn't that enough alone to gossip behind my back about why must I get probed for more ammunition to be used against me later. ​

I cannot keep dwelling on this forever. Maybe I should start applying for jobs. It has been six years since I worked. Joseph said it was unnecessary for me to work. He said his job was to provide for us and I let him do just that. I let him put me up on that pedestal. I allowed myself to believe his lies. To think he had me reading all these books on parenting telling me that as soon as we say I do "I want to have a son".

I wanted to have a baby three years ago but he said we should buy the condo first and start a savings account. Then he said he wanted to be married before we had a baby. Well who doesn't? I wanted to be married. I wanted to be married six years ago when I met him! I knew from the moment I laid eyes on him that I would fall in love with him. I knew than that if his intellect was even half as attractive as his outer presence that I would be in heaven and to my surprise the outer beauty was only a tenth of what has mind had to offer me.