Chapter 5 •5•Clearing Doubts

Jivika's POV

You remember... As a child, how desperately did you crush on Ranbir? Is it the same way... Still?" He asked in a serious tone.

Oh no! He still remembers. This time, I'll have to remove every doubt from his mind about my feelings.

I faked a laugh. "What are you talking about Abhi? Me and Ranbir? I mean seriously? It was... just childhood. We were kids. Now things are not the same. He's Radhs' fiancé."

"Hm." He said and walked to me. I was afraid. He sees right through me. "If you say so. But I want you to know IF you ever want-"

"Then what Abhi?" I asked sadly, guessing his words. "Abhi, Ranbir is not our neighbor's puppy that you can jump over the boundary wall and steal for me because I like it. We're not kids anymore."

"Okay. I believe you. So you're happy about it? It doesn't hurt you anymore right? Cause if it does, you just need to tell me once. I'll change everything.

Kyuki... Hum ek baar jeete hai

Ek baar marte hai

shadi bhi ek hi baar hoti hai

Aur pyaar bhi ek hi baar hota hai

(We live once, we die once, Marriage happens once and even love happens once)" He said in the same filmy style and waved his hands like SRK.

"No Abhi. I am blessed to have a brother like you but it's nothing like that. Don't you trust me?" I tried to assure him. Keyword... 'Tried' cause he still doubted.

"I trust you Di. But you don't know what a bitch the thing called 'heart' is! You never know when it will betray you." Sometimes he talks so maturely. I looked at him emotionally. My brother has grown up and also found a life partner for himself.

"Di... I had to ask you one more thing. Does love really happen like it happens in movies? I mean hearts beat louder, eyes glow shinier, hairs and dupatta flyyy when you see him?" He asked, making a face.

"No Abhi, Love is... when you shed a tear and it's because of him but still you're not angry with him at all. Love is when he doesn't even know that you exist and you still care for him. Love is when you love another but you're still smiling and telling everyone that I'm happy but all you do is cry and cry. Love is... no matter what he does, it doesn't change the way you feel about him. That one person becomes your entire universe and your very reason to live."

He made a strange face and said, "Di you should leave MBA and do philosophy. I think you're talking about girls. For boys, it's simple. If she makes you laugh, you like her and if she makes you cry, you love her. That's all." He shrugged and we laughed and chatted till the night.

•••

He wasn't sleepy so he dragged me to the terrace and gave me a thesis on whatever happened in all these years. Even I shared everything heavily editing the whole 'my-crush-on-Ranbir' part. He asked about Radhs' lack of interest in all the rituals which I covered as pre-marital stress.

Even after talking all night, he didn't leave my side the next day when I was doing preparations for the Haldi ceremony. Not that I was irritated, he is the type of person no one can get irritated with. So magical, so happy all the time. Roaming around with a contagious smile.

-Evening-

The hall and each corner of this mansion was so beautifully decorated for the Haldi ceremony. Radhs is nowhere to be seen. All the guests arrived. This is one of the most beautiful rituals of our Indian wedding customs. A paste made from Turmeric, sandalwood oil, and some other ingredients is applied to the groom and the same Haldi is sent to the Bride's house and is applied to her. Our ancestors believe that this enhances the glow of the bride a hundred times. I've to go and check on Radhs. I was about to move when one of my cousins called,

"Jivika Didi, dulhe ke ghar se Haldi aayi hai (The turmeric from groom's house has arrived.)" And everyone was so excited.

I moved forward and saw Chachi talking to Ranbir's sister Ishani who was standing there holding a beautiful silver thaal in which a beautiful silver bowl filled with Haldi was placed in the middle completely decorated with rose petals.

"Aunty Ji?" Ishani started to say in her soft and melodious voice, "Mom has grinded this Haldi with her own hands and also added some gold powder to it so that Bhai and Bhabi have a golden glow on their faces at the wedding. So cute." She chirped.

"That's so nice of your Mom Ishani. She cares so much for my sister. Radhs is so lucky to have you all and Ranbir in her life." I said equally excited.

"Yes Jivika. You're right." Chachi agreed.

"Kitni pyari bachi hai. (Such a cute girl.)" Chachi coed while pinching Ishaani's cheeks. "If I had one son, I would have married you to him and kept you with me always." Chachi said and Ishaani blushed and smiled hearing Chachi's words.

'She's our guest Chachi. Don't embarrass her.' I mentally screamed.

"Ya one more thing." Ishaani said and patted her head slightly like she had forgotten. "Mom had asked me to inform you that after the Haldi ceremony, don't allow them to meet as it is considered very inauspicious and she doesn't want any Apshaguns (bad omens) at their wedding."

"Don't worry beta. We are as particular about these rituals as your Mom." Chachi said with a smile.

"Ok then I should leave." Ishaani said walking outside.

"nahi nahi aise hi thodi. Beta you came to our house for the first time. We can't let you leave like that. Come." And despite Ishaani's protests, Chachi made her agree to have dinner with us. I took the Haldi thaal from them and placed it on the beautiful aisle made of flowers. This is where Radhs' Haldi was going to take place.

The floral jewelry that Chachi designed was something to look for. Just like Radhs liked–beautifully sober, classy, elegant and matching with her attire. It was made up of beautiful jasmine flowers with some other red flowers in the middle.

This floral jewelry has a beauty of its own. First of all, it's something new and second, it makes you feel closer to nature and there might hardly be a person in this world who doesn't like flowers. They are the tool that brings a smile on a person's face.

"Radhs are you ready?" I asked peeking through the door. She was wearing a yellow and off-white saree with golden border looking beautiful as always. The Saree perfectly complimented her thin figure and fair complexion. It had small studded work on the front which made it glisten more in the lights.

But the ornament which was missing and whose absence made me sad too was 'her smile'. She may not say but she is not happy and I can see that. I went forward to her and tried to pacify her, "Radhs..." I started to say while putting my hands around her shoulder, "Radhs... I don't believe all this is happening so fast. I mean I still can't believe that within four days, you'll be at Ranbir's house with him, happy, in your new life, where you belong." I spoke my heart out with tears that were a mixture of both happiness and pain. It's not easy to pretend that you're ok... no not only ok but very happy when something is killing you from inside.

"Jivi?" She said, "You know me right." She asked with hope and sadness in her voice.

"Radhs-"

"Then why are you pretending like it's all a fairytale wedding that I have awaited for a hundred years? Why can't you understand Jivi? It's not what I wanted." She said frustrated while sitting on the bed. "Now there's only one way, I want to meet Ranbir and sort all this out."

"You can't Radhs." I said lower than a whisper.

"What do you mean 'I can't' Jivi?" She asked angrily.

"Actually Radhs, Ishaani had come with a Haldi and it has been already applied to Ranbir. And it is a bad omen for the groom and bride to meet after Haldi. And his family is very serious about the rituals."

"This Mom. And all this. Ugh! I don't care what anyone says." She said and picked up her phone.

"Ok fine. Call him. I gave her the phone."

Radhika's POV

I looked at her in a daze. She handed over the phone and asked me to call Ranbir.

I took the phone and called Ranbir. "Ranbir. I've to-"

"To meet me, talk to me etc etc. Right Radhs?" He said happiness dripping from his voice.

"Yes Ranbir I-"

"No Radhs. I am sorry but Mom has made me swear on herself that I won't talk to you. Because she knows I can't. Radhs, this is for our wellbeing. We have all our lives to talk with each other so let's just wait a little for our forever to start. I love you." And he hung up.

"RANBIR!" I almost shouted on the phone seeing my last hope dying like this.

"You see how particular Ranbir is about everything and all the rituals. Radhs Ranbir doesn't want anything to go wrong now because he loves you. Why don't you understand? Come. Everyone's waiting." Jivika led me to the hall. Everyone's happy faces made me feel angry. What the hell are they happy about? The destruction of my life. Jivi made me sit on the aisle completely decorated with flowers and two of my cousins held a floral sheet over my head. This jewelry is so awesome. If I had been in the mood, I would have liked it so much.

Everyone started applying Haldi and enjoying themselves. Only Jivi was the one who supported me through this. If not for her I would have angrily left long ago.

After the whole ceremony, I headed to my room and changed into something comfortable. Is my life going to be like this only? Today the way Ranbir's Mom stopped him from talking to me, she can make him do anything. After our marriage, will Ranbir support me the same way he does now? My own parents are irked by my career then why would my in-laws support me? And what about the contract I signed with the L'Oréal Paris Company? If they come to know I've broken the contract, I may land in legal trouble. I have to do something. I want to fulfill my dreams and for that I'll have to break free of these bonds.

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