Chapter 10 •10•The Long Wedding Night

-Jivika's POV-

Ishani opened the door and the room and a strong smell of roses hit my nose. Every inch of it was covered in beautiful red roses. The king sized bed was adorned with beautiful floral hangings and a red heart made of flowers in the middle. On the table was a bucket of ice caressing the wine bottle in it and beside was placed a delicious looking soft cake with a lovely greeting card which read, 'WISH YOU A HAPPY MARRIED LIFE'.

I was glancing around the room, when my eyes caught hold of something. A beautiful wall hanging with two entwined hearts reading RADHIKA RANBIR. And reality hit me. All this isn't meant for me. He wasn't meant for me. Me, being here is just a mistake. Tears started flowing through my eyes, totally forgetting Ishani's presence around. She followed my eyes and instantly regretted it. "I'm sorry Bhabi. I should have checked before bringing you here." She said and instantly walked towards it to remove it from the wall. "Kaka?" She called after removing it and an old man in mid-fifties with grey hairs walked inside. "Ji mamsaab? (Yes Madame?)"

She handed it over to him and angrily said, "Throw it in the dustbin."

The poor old man just nodded and left with it. She turned towards me and said, "She is Bhai's past Bhabi. You're his present. Please rest. Bhai will be here soon. I'll ask mom to call him." And walked outside slowly closing the door shut.

Ishani is right. Radhika is his past. I am his present. I walked around admiring the room. It had so many photo frames of him, his parents and a few with Radhika. I picked up their photo and it was like a sharp knife had been passing through my throat tearing my insides apart. They look so happy together. Will he ever love me like this?

No, I shouldn't be thinking all this now. I reminded myself, wiping my tears. I had promised Chachi that I will do everything to save this relationship and I will fulfill it. I collected all his photos with Radhika and carefully placed them in the back of the cupboard.

Then, I removed my jewelry and liberated my hair from the tight bun, took a first aid box and bandaged my neck. It hurt, but more than physically, the memory was hurting. How he deliberately pierced my neck, just to hurt me.

I kept gazing at his photo placed on the dressing table.

Ranbir...

You have no idea since when and how much I have been in love with you. Your mere thought curves my lips into a smile and makes my heart flutter. If I know what this kind of love is, it's just because of you. Now, being here as your bride, I feel complete, content and gratified. Loving you might be a mistake, but this mistake was worth making and I'm ready to do it again and again. All this time it hurt when you didn't love me back, in fact loved someone else but look, we were destined to be together so God tied us in this sacred bond. I didn't even dare to ask God to write you in my destiny, afraid that it would break Radhika but still, I am here.

I know you hate me but I am not afraid of the future because how much worse it might be, YOU will be there holding my hands. As long as I wake up in the morning and see you next to me, it would be enough for me to continue hoping; I won't ask for more. I may not be perfect but love doesn't need to be perfect, it needs to be true and mine is.

I wish someday God gives you the ability to see yourselves through the filter of my eyes. And maybe then, you'll realize how much you mean to me and what this life would have been without you.

I laid my head back on the bed, while cuddling a cushion which had a strong fragrance of his shampoo, I brought it closer to my heart. The smile of satisfaction won't leave my face. Come soon Ranbir. Your bride is waiting for you.

***

My peaceful slumber was broken by a knock on the door. I woke up startled and looked around. I was alone, the sunrays waving through, the roses had withered, the cake staled, the ice in the wine bucket had melted and now the whole room was just a mess to be cleaned. Warm tears made their way through my eyes. He didn't come last night. He didn't want to see my face.

The knock on the door came again. "Jivika beta? Are you ok?" Mom's worried voice came. I wiped my tears and immediately rushed to the door. Opening the door, I smiled at her. She shouldn't come to know what Ranbir did. "Good morning Mom. You here? So early in the morning?" I struggled to keep my voice normal.

She caressed my face and asked, "Jivika... Are you alright? You took so long to open the door. Everything OK child?"

"Y... Yes Mom." I stuttered.

"Where is Ranbir?" She asked, barging into the room. She looked around everything and then me for an answer but I looked down. I had none.

"He didn't come last night?" She asked unsure and worried.

I just shook my head.

"I'm sorry Jivika." She said with a heavy sigh while holding her head.

Just like Chachi.

"No Mom. It's ok. I understand he needs time. You wanted anything?"

"Yes. I brought this for you." She said, handing me a bright red saree. "Today is your Muh Dikhai. Get ready fast. I'll ask his dad to call Ranbir. What sort of irresponsible behavior is this? There is your reception in the evening and he is not here."

Saying this, she walked outside.

***

I got ready in the saree given by Mom. Ishani did my makeup and she dolled me up with all the heavy makeup and jewelry saying I should look like the Daughter-in-law of the 'Khurana' household. I looked in the mirror and couldn't recognize myself. I have never been like the girl in the mirror, her face adorned with kohl, mascara, bindi, dark lipstick; ears and neck bejeweled with heavy studs and necklace which looked like they were brought straight from a queen's chamber. I still didn't forget to wear my Sindoor and Mangalsutra. The epitome of my marriage and source of my happiness.

As we descended down the stairs, I saw Dad worried and talking to Mom, maybe about Ranbir.

"Madam, a parcel arrived in your name." A watchman came to Mom and gave her an envelope. Mom was confused, she opened it and it was a CD.

"Play it." Dad ordered and Ishani carefully placed it in the DVD player and clicked play. To everyone's shock it was Ranbir's video, in the same clothes from last night. He was sitting on a couch in an unknown environment and started speaking...

'Hi mom, dad. I know you will be angry and so am I. Yesterday you gave me no choice but to marry Radhika's cousin. I did that to save the respect of both the families but I can't continue this façade anymore. I love Radhika and will always do. I can't even think of giving her place to someone else in my life. This marriage has no future and I didn't want you all to start expecting things from me which I can't give you. So I am leaving. I'm going somewhere faraway where I don't have to sacrifice everything on the pretext of being a good son. I know you will never forgive me for ruining Jivika's life. If she wants divorce, I'll give her so that she can move on in her life too. This is my final decision. Good bye everyone. Don't try to call me or contact me in any way cause I am not interested....'

The video continued but I couldn't stand anything anymore. My vision started getting blurred and my breaths became heavy. I couldn't focus on anything anymore. With each word of his, I felt the soul being sucked out of my body leaving it lifeless. My legs left my support and I collapsed on the ground with heavy eyes. I can't take this anymore! The last thing on my shut mind, shattered dreams, broken heart, ripped soul and numb lips was... RANBIR!

His sharp words kept ringing loudly and I had no escape.

'I can't continue this façade anymore'

I love Radhika and will always do'

I can't even think of giving her place to someone else'

'This marriage has no future'

'I am leaving'

'If she wants divorce, I'll give her'

'Don't try to call me or contact me in any way'

I lost him. I lost him again. After coming so close to being his.

Why God why? Why's destiny so cruel to me? Why all these games with me alone?

Was the last thought before I collapsed on the ground.