Chapter 4 Dealing with shyness

DEALING WITH SHYNESS

Self discovery looks at all the things that have potential to keep a giant sleeping, who is that giant? it's you and how are you sleeping? it's every time that you allow stress, loneliness, shyness, insecurities, attitude issues e.t.c to weigh you down and rob you of your joy and laughter making your every day life to be not less than having a nightmare so here self discovery which has only one aim and exist to see you through the storms and rains of life so that you could live life best past everything that has been or still weighs you down.

Many people in this world are shy and it's a sad thing that many people are very shy in our world this has brought about some real serious problems like lack of confidence, unproductivity, laziness, poverty, loneliness, poor communication, drug abuse and addiction, rapid spread of venereal diseases, broken heartedness among other things including death.

''Tell you what i was probably the most shy guy on earth both around my peers, at school and life was very pathetic for me and i would say first since i was a small boy i had shyness in me and going to school was more like torture because of that insecurity looking at my self as second best to my friends, that's not all it played tricks on my mind and for many years i used to think nobody wanted or liked me that i was too ugly and unwanted and to think i was doing my self a huge favor by isolating my self from my friends, school mates e.t.c and i didn't share in most of my childhood fun that every kid has a right to have and to mix freely with others, growing up i was scared to death if a gorgeous girl had to ask me a question, or greet me, my voice would sound like a broken record like i had swallowed a raw mango without chewing it and that's just something i haven't even forgotten how hard it was for me to contribute in class when ever the teacher asked an academical question owing to the fact that i was a shy boy so even when i had known the answer that nobody knew i would just keep quiet with pain and sorrow in my heart asking myself when i was alone 'why i couldn't gather enough courage and guts to feel free around others and to express myself, the desperation of not being in a relationship missing out on those teenage dates and feeling as if i was living for nothing. Shyness made me the most sad, self segregatory, self isolated, stressed and lonely and most of all it was affecting my academical performance as well as my social, emotional, physiological well being and i tell you what, to be like i was is worse than being in a maximum prison paying the ultimate price for a crime, because before anybody could look down on me i looked down on myself, before any one could mock me i had mocked myself and life was not the easiest of things for me and you can just imagine the pain i had to go through and endure on a daily basis to make it worse i shared my pain all by myself as i was even shy to confide in another person until there came a time when i spent all day looking at the mirror and i challenged myself to put shyness behind me so as to live a much more normal and healthier life like an average guy i knew and it was not easy for me to do so the moment i started self discovering it was the most challenging moment of my life but in due time it was worth every minute i committed myself to it and from being a shy boy i suddenly tried out acting in a local drama club and every body said i was brilliant also when i became a dance coach, coaching the Cycle Family for a period of three years and in all that i only lost two or three competitions and won every competition and that really helped me to boost myself worth and as i believed in myself many people started believing me'' now i just told you a tip of the ice berg i call my story and i don't know if you are currently facing this problem but i say to you right now that self discovery is not just a mere theory but it's the all thing, the real thing you should consider going through, it took many years just for me to realise how talented, gifted, unique and one of the kind i was. So I tell you not to wait for many years enduring so much pain when you can't take it any more?

See, dealing with shyness is not an easy thing if you ask me, but it's not impossible too. Following my example because i believe in using real life examples and not heresies as real life experience i believe is real life teacher and i tell you that you can rid yourself of shyness if you say enough is enough and you simply can't take it any more and buddy it's just like that. You can awake the sleeping giant in you well i don't know what you are going to be at least i know that you will be great but nobody ever became great by just waking up one day into greatness. It starts with you as an individual in your mind. When you develop a small idea then the more you think and act upon it the bigger the vision grows and the bigger the desire to fight to see it come true and that's nothing close to what a shy person can do but like writer Miguel Angel Nunuez said in one of his books i love ''only the brave triumphs'' a clear indicator that cowards, shy persons, lazy people could never really attain great success and if ever they can make it in life it's obviously nothing to raise eyes brows about , so if you want to truly stand out like Dr Martin Luther King jnr, Nelson Mandela, Pele, Didier Drogba, Dr Kenneth Kaunda, bishop Desmond Tutu, Geoffrey Bwalya Mwamba, Fredrick Chiluba e.t.c then you've got to come out of that false comfort zone i love to call slumber.

DEALING WITH SHYNESS

Its important to know how to deal with shyness and getting rid of it because truth is that you must deal with shyness or shyness is gonna deal with you so it's important to self discover which prepares you to self recover.

1. Know how shy a person you are and ask your self if you are willing to live with it bearing in mind the problems that shyness comes with.

Self discovery is mostly about identifying a problem before finding a solution, so you've got to understand that it's important for you to admit to your self that you are a shy person, when dealing with such issues be honest with yourself that could help you a whole lot.

2. Do a realistic survey about your shyness and identify every area of your life that is affected by your shyness and also consider the things that shyness has costed you.

Shyness is your problem so as the one affected by it, know that there is need for you to sit your self down and take a serious look at your life writing down every area of your life you believe has been affected by shyness. I can assure you that it's a huge step in solving your problem. You need to feel the pain of your situation or condition that's when you will realise that you are not supposed to endure it any longer or any more. Remember to say that in life anything that is a product of insecurities like shyness no matter how people may try to justify it to say "I'm a shy person" etc it does not make sense because the shyness is a form of hindrance that also promotes self deprivation. Here is one example if you aspire in your heart to be nominated as candidate to stand in the presidential race on the party ticket for the political party you belong to and you are overly shy to indicate your interest in the same then chances are that you will never stand on that party ticket let alone contest in that particular election. No one will indicate interest on your behalf if you don't do it yourself. It's the same thing in relationships and many other things in life so do away with shyness. There was a time I had a crush on someone but I never had it in me to tell her how I felt and that for a long time till somebody came and was courageous enough to tell her how he felt about her and the too started dating and I felt heart broken and worthless as a person and I took it all the wrong way blaming it on her and the other guy in my heart each day that passed by.

3. Take a decision about your situation, here you are called to act, to make a choice as a matter of fact a very serious one because this has to do with your life and your future so much depends on it.

I have to say this one more time self discovery is nothing without making the choices that are necessary to make. There is need in life for all of us to make certain choices. This world is ruled and dominated by courageous people and in case you didn't know this but people who succeeds are risk takers and it's a risk to succeed, stand out, be happy, get married, invest in a particular business etc there are some bold and upright choices we must make believe me on this, those that many great people today had to make at some point and there lives had changed forever. You and i know and admire some people in this life giving them mounts of respect but to tell you what if they didn't make a choice that had to impact positively on there lives then you and i wouldn't have even known there names or we would just look at them as people who really don't matter.

Making choices and standing up for them is what distinguishes men from boys and women from girls if you are aware of everything that weighs you down nobody will fight those things that weighs you down but yourself and you can't say you will act tomorrow remember life is when you've got it so today is yours never forget that. Be serious to take responsibility for your life and mind you nobody will take you seriously if you yourself don't take yourself seriously.

4. After you have taken a decision and you are tired and you then decide what to do with your life walk the talk, here you can start implementing the plan.

I always urge people like I do right now by telling you about the need for you to discipline yourself by working hard to rid your soul of shyness e.g if you never gave a speech or made a contribution in the meeting at your work place, in class, at your local club etc. Or if you never had the courage to ask out a girl out for dinner, then you could gather enough courage and just burst out of your boxers and walk to her and say ''Jane there is this restaurant, i mean good restaurant were they cook real good meals and there is a band that plays live music there and i am certain you would love it, will you come with me tonight, please Jane''.

5. The spiritual controls the physical and here I'm saying that shyness is a spirit a terrible one at that. To fight terrible spirits we go the spiritual way and that way is called the prayer way. See Eph 6:12

You must understand that it's the best and most effective way to do this. At some point I developed a tendency of taking a shot of brandy in order for me to be bold and courageous and speak to a girl or do something I couldn't do because of the insecurity of shyness. That it worked somehow was really what trapped me into becoming a drunk.

EFFECTIVE TIPS TO GET YOU STARTED

1. Love your self by believing and accepting that you are unique, beautiful, special, loving, lovable, good person, intelligent, smart, gifted, one of a kind and that you have lots of potential and things to offer.

2. Erase all your past fears, failures and all your insecurities by embracing a positive state of mind which is a much more secure state of mind by always reminding your self each day that you are what is in the point number one and much more.

3. Treat yourself with respect, know how to value yourself, charity begins at home and if you attach some value to your life then others will have a reason to attach value to your life and know for the fact that you are not a worth less person. People will mostly take or treat you not more or less than what you already do to yourself.

4. Work on yourself and improve your prospects as a person, here i am talking about you improving your life in all aspects starting with physical appearance making sure you keep your clothes and your body clean at all times from head to toe, upgrade your wardrobe once in a while, remember also to improve in your communication skills, be some one easy to talk to and have your integrity intact. If you love to participate in some sport discipline or some activity that is a part of your life you need to improve in those areas by always aspiring each day for you to be much better than the past day, in academics work hard and make sure you keep on improving, work hard also to improve how you socialize and relate with other people of your sex or opposite sex bearing in mind that they are not in any way more human than you are.

5. Dare to do the things that you couldn't dare do before, things you wanted to do so much but you were simply scared to do them before as a result of your being a very shy person knowing always that this world we live in is not for the weak but for the strong.

6. Do you! Be the better you that you can possibly be. Don't try to be somebody else you are not by remembering that your are changing from a shy person to a more confident and better branded you with prospects that can speak volume about you even if you don't say a word so much depends on you being you that is for you to be confortable in your own skin.

7. Exercise often, remember that exercises help us keep fit and healthy in every sense and help us get rid of every negative energy, negative state of mind and insecurity as its uplifting in so many ways than one.

8. Be given to charitable deeds every now and then or once in a while as there is joy in the feeling of knowing that your charitable deed is self esteem enhancement because when you have played a part in brightening up some one's life and just being part of a just cause like that will uplift you in a way that you cannot imagine and the same will help change the way you view and understand life especially how you feel about yourself.

9. Keep a journal, diary etc as the same will help you keep track of your life where you are doing well and were not. It would help to attach value to your life in so many ways and areas. Have an action plan or a memo that will help you know what you should be doing and what not time after time as this will help you game up for good discipline and am certain you need it as CEO of your life after all every mistake you make will cost you something and every right thing you do will benefit you something or in some way.

10. Love is every thing, if there are things worth searching to find it's love and if there are things worth fighting for to keep its love, a love less life is like a storm that has hit the city or a ranch without animals, a desert without sand, a ring without a finger it sucks don't feel shy to tell that one special person who melts your heart just how deep you feel about him/her, go ahead and do not hold back for fear of getting rejected and so self discovery goes a long way from telling you how great the storm is to telling you how to over come it, if you love someone and someone even your life make a whole lot of sense especially if you are loved back by that someone special.

Many great people whose names are written in history books had even so much to over come because way back it's not only a lower self esteem and shyness they had to over come they had to do it either as a colonized people or a slave class they had to put away fear and shyness to face the ugly situation they were involuntarily faced with while you and i are free thanks to there bravery and choices they made why should you in the new millenium allow shyness and other negativities colonize your mind and prevent you from prospering?

Shyness is a cancer and the sooner you rid yourself of it the better your life will be. That i make this great emphasis is because of what I experienced I'm my life and truth is i care so much about you I suffered so much myself self but you want to know one lesson i have learnt in life is that about 50% of the people who knows you don't wish you well they mostly want you to suffer or rejoice when you are sinking and 40 percent they just don't care about you and 10 percent of them gives a damn about you but tell you what it's all or nothing, that's why you've got to look out for yourself first for your sake and second for a few who have some faith in you and in conclusion dealing with shyness is a walkable talk and i urge you to walk it and in the mean time look forward to the self discovery boot camp by keeping in touch with my teem check our contact details at the end of this book.