Chapter 2 Introduction

CONTENTS

1. WHY SELF DISCOVERY

2. WHAT LAUGHTER AND JOY ADDS TO YOUR LIFE

3. DEALING WITH SHYNESS

4. UNDERSTAND YOUR WORTH

5. BE YOURSELF

6. DARE TO DO MORE

Many people in the world today are moving from place to place, job to job, relationship to relationship, career to career e.t.c because of not understanding who they really are. ''One day i acquired a new phone so i was restless, i wanted to know how it worked like, all the functions i mean everything, i left no stone unturned and still didn't have that satisfaction of having a phone even if it was mine. Even if it was a device i had bought with my own money, i wanted another one and why? if you asked me, because i wanted a device that would blow me away with its amazing features that would simply beat my imagination and match my explorer mind. With time I realised that i was moving from phone to phone and still no phone satisfied me a 100 percent so as a result i learnt one big lesson to say "the problem was not with the phone but with me". I always wanted more you can say a feeling of dissatisfaction on my part, not that wanting more is bad but because my inexperienced mind at that time wanted more as a matter of fact I was even wanting something that hadn't been made yet. But coming to self discovery its important to know why its necessary and a must to self discover in the first place.

As you read this eye opening and mind sharpening resource that will be your relevant guide to discover who you are you must first be sure if you are read for the involving yet simple task that enables you to self recover. Self discovery is cardinal process for for everyone . It's tried, trusted processes are the sure and only way one can use to self recover or self redeem. To tell you what, when you where born everything was done for you but as you kept on growing you had to learn to do certain things by your self and certain things have still been done for you till this day so this self discovery book is one book that you've got to read through at the same time putting into practice the "do it yourself" easy to apply principals that has worked for other people from every continent including me. Self discovery is not a scary process but its a set of easy processes that you can to do on your own. At the same time there is need for you to identify some strategic people and things that will help you on the way to self discovery. In the next chapters be my guest as I put you through the applied basic principles and real life examples on how you will achieve it. I'm so glad that I had been a student of experience which the wise say is the best teacher. But the time you will get to the last page of this resource you will be in a place and position to conquer everything that has been conquering you for years. It could be inferiority complex, bad attitude, bad morals, drug addiction which I started battling with since my teenage years or it could be discontentment about your race, colour, height, body weight, source of income, painful past experience etc maybe somebody said something terrible to you that really tore your self esteem apart. You could have been cheated or abused but know for sure that you are not the first one to go through so much pain. I have been down that road you call the dead end. They have called me a monkey before and not that I was a monkey and I was hurt until through self discovery I learnt that nobody can make me feel that terrible without my permission. This book will answer your inner questions and bring you closer to the light at the end of that dark tunnel and only you will usher yourself into the shinning light because as life coach my duty is to get you to the place where you are destined to be but to enter your destiny is your choice just like failure to do so is equally your choice. I usually advise people to read such resources in quite and solitary places away from any possible distractions.

In this world which we live in we find many people who don't know who they really are. Such people have grown to live very unhappy and unfulfilled lives of no contentment with who they are and what they need to do best in order to stand tall like the statue of liberty. My emphasis is on the importance for every world citizen to know who they really are because the sooner each person gets to do that, the better each person can be which would result in a society full of productive, happy and healthy citizens of mother earth. The first advantage of of self discovery comes in the knowledge of you knowing every thing you need to know about who you are and the life you deserve to live. Knowing everything that weighs you down and gives you the know how about how you can take advantage of a chance to make a serious decision which will help become the person you want to become. It helps you on how best you can utilise your abilities and for you to change what you need changed about yourself also what not. It boarders much of you taking full responsibility of your life as you are the CEO of your own life. As human being from whichever part of the world we come from its important to know that we all at some point need to go through the said process in many areas of our lives. Truth be told because living here on earth is no bed of roses and there are things we can change like from stopping to support hooked to starting to support soccer. Or you can quit eating meats and dairy products to become vegetarian, you can quit buzz and start softies e.t.c because you have power to change certain things in your life nevertheless know for sure that even as you have power to change certain things in your life, there are things you can't change like who your parents and siblings are. You can't change the family you come from, you can't change from tall to short, if you have green eyes you can't make them brown so when starting your self discovery adventure, you must know that you can change what you can and leave what you can't.

You are a human being and what you must know is that you are beautiful/handsome meaning that you are special and unique, loving, lovable, talented and gifted just the way you are. We are all different people who have different energies, looks, preferences, personalities positive and negative sides, successes and failures e.t.c and that explains it all, we are just human beings good but not perfect, so its wise to keep away from trying to be perfect its just doesn't work out, its a waste of time energy and effort.

Self acceptance is what we should all achieve because agony is being the you that you can't accept to be and if you don't accept yourself know that no one can accept you so self discovery is nothing without self acceptance which is the wise thing we all ought to do as the power of self acceptance comes with great responsibilities. In accepting who you are, its an error for you to accept yourself for the negative ill stuff e.g sayings like ''i am an armed robber'' I am a prostitute'' ''i am a lier'' e.t.c because accepting who you are means accepting the (YOU) you will always live with or the (you) you will be so since lying is a bad thing, nobody loves to be lied to, so telling the truth is a good thing and so in self discovery we talk about change and not just any kind of change but change for the better.

Learn what it is that you are good at and what you love. ''when i became a teenager i had no idea who i really was and through out teenagehood, i tried to be a bully, mean, i then tried to play basket ball, soccer, tennis, pool e.t.c but i was not successful in the above mentioned things i tried out plus many more and through out my teenagehood i was a mess, why? simple, i didn't know who i was and so i ended up doing things my friends were doing. Those that people expected me to do, things which were not meant for me, things i did without contentment in my inner person, because even as i tried my best working hard in those areas i couldn't attain achievements and deep down in my heart i had no joy. In all that i did I felt a feeling of discontentment, wasted time and energy e.t.c but the lesson i learnt here was as clear as glass, i never took time to do a self discovery survey by my self or with the help of others like family and friends, career guidance teacher e.t.c then i discovered that it didn't have to be basketball but creative writing, that it didn't have to be pool but motivational speaking, that it didn't have to be a mean Michael but a Michael with a heart so big, a brother and friend off all. Through self discovery i also learnt that before, i waisted time on just anything to a point that i lived a life without goals, targets, focus, joy, patience, perseverance, determination, courage, accomplishment and fulfilment. Because i would do just anything like start a project this minute and dump it the next. Start another and abandon it for another just like that. In all that a failure was something i was best known to be and referred to. I kept on experiencing set backs even at the point of breakthrough and I was not loving the handwriting on the wall.

When i discovered then i recovered. I stopped doing just about anything and i realized that my life had become less complicated each day that came by and guess who benefited from all that?, it was me and all the sudden life has become awesome for me just like it's gonna become awesome for you. So now if you are really serious about this and you want to be the person who knows your real self thats fine, believe me it's one of the most greatest things you could ever do and so i wish you all the best. If you are tired of being in shadows of others having dreams and never getting to live them then you have got to self discover with a serious sense of commitment. Self discovery is the process through which you get to know who you are and analyse what you want to do, in business when we talk about a product, the marketer and advertiser knows what product they are selling. Marketing or advertising is what makes it easier to sell the product or brand. Just so you know, in life we human beings are brands and products which is why it's very important for any one to know this as it helps you to become the best product and best brand that that you were born to be so that you can quit being the unpleasant brand circumstances and ignorance turned you to into. Begin by knowing yourself starting from your fears, attitude, strengths, weaknesses, abilities, desires, likes, dislikes, expectation, dreams, preferences, personality, socializing, talents, ambitions, vision, purpose e.t.c and see what impact it all has on your life, education, finances, family, friends, emotions, love life, career, society e.t.c. Then you will be required to put your life under scrutiny and see what it is that you want to be a part of your present life and what not. Doing your level best in the spirit of moving forward, improving on what needs improvement then changing what needs to be changed while accepting that which can't be changed forgetting that which can't be changed. Know that it's unwise to fight trying to change what can't be changed. In self discovery that's why we look so much at self acceptance at individual level accepting your race, gender, family, yourself by this I'm talking about your looks, tribe, height, gender, complexion e.t.c

Self acceptance in this context is cardinal because if you can't accept who you are then you shouldn't expect anyone to accept you, self discovery is a process depending on how committed you are by the results are guaranteed and are sure , through the process you may at some point feel like your life sucks, but I have this job and I'm paid to assure you that it doesn't and to tell you that you feel that way because you have a tendency of nurturing negative thoughts and building up a negative state of mind you should try your best not to build in the first place. I and so many people who in time past took that same path have been down on that terrible road a couple of times but we didn't remain down on that road, no, it's a choice that others and I made each one on his on free will. We made such a powerful choice making that awesome decision that only the brave can make knowing that if you put your mind to good use is could just be that powerful tool that can turn your life around for the better as its that powerful and everything banks on the choices you make in life. If you don't use the brain well then it can turn to be a terrible weapon that I call "an enemy within " working against you in many ways than i can mention. That's why on your quest to self discover the most reliable and effective way that guarantees you joy, success, positive mind and attitude, good life, contentment etc. It's one way that shows the helps your unwrap your inner beauty. You get a great chance and resources to be branded as somebody who is a right minded person, somebody people would find easy to relate to. I'm not an internet guru trying to show you a way out that seems smart but can't be implemented or is impossible for you just so I play smart to boost my sales I'm guiding you from my personal experiences and that of some people close to me. I look at the realities that life it self has taught me and other people that i know. So as you do your level best to self discover know for sure that you are a unique person who probably support Manchester united and you find your son supporting Liverpool and thats fine. But know for sure that there are people who are better than you and those whom you are better than. I'm discouraging you from insecure habits of comparing your self to another person. It would do you no good just stop it you can only be yourself, that's the best person you can ever be.

You must try and understand that no body is perfect. In my life i have seen alot of people who at some point tried to be perfect as you self discover know that there is no such thing as a perfect person and so quit playing perfect man or woman its a wrong script of an imaginary box office movie on the desk of Steve Spielberg in hollywood. So if you bought a brown shoe or a red dress it's because you like it or it was the most affordable shoe or dress that you liked, so when you put it on feel free or wear it around at church, school or for the movie or a date and as people will be looking at your shoe or dress do not pay them attention because its you wearing it or putting it on because its yours as you bought it because you love it, at times people may be looking at you and you would think that they are looking down on you when they are busy envying you. To self discover is to grasp on the understanding of being confortable in your own skin, attaining the necessary knowledge that is meant to help you to be confortable in your own skin thats why you must know that as long as you have a lower self esteem, even if you wear the same shoe with dormer US president Barrack Obama, you may feel as if your shoe sucks when it actually doesn't suck, when its the best shoe in the world and you feel that way due to lower self esteem. As you self discover it's important to make choices that would enhance a healthy state of mind because i have seen at my former school and during my time as youth president some really good looking people with very low self esteem, cute people who couldn't even keep a relationship due to emotional insecurities thats why i say no one is ugly, what can be ugly about a person is his or her negative state of mind that's what i call ugly trust me on this, the truth is that life is how you make it, especially the choices you make for your self, knowing that what they say that ''the way you make the bed is how you sleep on it''. Is the reality of life.

Earlier i spoke about every human being as a product, the good thing about goods is that they sells and their market value is good to a point that there is almost no reason to even give unnecessary praise as a good product speaks for it self while a bad product doesn't and the only time it does, it has few people asking for it in stores and it's market value is almost give away and why because it's not even a good product, it can be injurious to you and your surrounding so make sure to undergo a self discovery quest. There is little to give but a whole lot to benefit which is why i urge you time and again to spend time, effort and money on things that you can change. Things worth changing and leave out what you can't change, you can change your behavior from bad to worse which is not good but you better change from bad to good like i did change from an insecure person, a drunkard and booty licker, one night stand jerk e.t.c to a dedicated writer, speaker, actor and director and social, political commentator being that voice when it's needed the most. The other things you should consider to change is attitude, dress code, relationships, business type, self image and self esteem.

Self esteem is basically the the way you see yourself while self worth is the way you feel about your self, the confidence you have in your self worth, the way you think about your self in society, at your house, at work and with around your friends. The image you portray or you allow others to perceive you for. It's basically the confidence you have in your own skin being yourself while self image is the knowledge one has in the abilities, reputation etc and its the picture one paints of himself as to be perceived in a particular or like manner here a self image is what you build for your self and its important for you to present your self or advertise yourself in a certain positive way. Even to market yourself as a brand and product. There is need for you to be that person who can be of positive influence in the lives of other through your education, confidence, hard work, determination, how sure or not you are about something, how secure you are, how loving or caring you are, how talented you are at something and it's through self discovery that you can build a good self esteem as well as self image that borders on how you carry your self in isolation or in public. That's why you must invest so much in yourself knowing always that you only have yourself after God

, friends would leave or disappear family would turn their backs on you but how would you stand and face life even in the darkest moments or unpleasant circumstances of your life when it will be only you and God on your side. That's why the most importance relationship you must do everything to maintain is the one you have with Jesus. Self image is belt through behavior, attitude and personality, through actions and reactions. Good memories and bad ones. Sweet ones and painful ones and your ability or inability to forgive yourself and others. How you handle the past if you are not so tied to it or if you are. If you are able to move on or not. There are things that endanger the self esteem of so many people in life no matter how attractive, rich or important they are in society like fear, failures, frustration, rejection, to be a victim of rape, to be a victim of defilement, to be a victim of gender based or domestic violence or this like cheating, to discover that you have been cheated, brutality, inability to handle anger or loss of employment, loss of a loved one, loss of business and connections etc would influences on your self esteem negatively. While things like success in exams, scoring goals in a soccer match, to love and to be loved ect will influence positively on your self esteem which influences your self worth and image. It doesn't matter how good or bad a person is and so we have a good self image and a bad one but my only job here is to talk about a good self image other wise i would be the most irresponsible writer to use the power of writing wrongly by encouraging people to go astray.

A musician like Fally Ipupa is known to be one of the best rhumba musicians in the world known not for his music alone but for his looks and attractiveness to the opposite sex, you can tell of the public image is Fally that he is a star, he doesn't just say it, he rocks it on stage and in music videos then he wears it, looks it and lives it. He is a brand and thats how he has branded himself but if i can ask you a question as unique as you are no matter which part of the world you come from or you live in, just how well have you branded your self?

You may say you are not as good looking as your friend or someone else you know and you disqualify your self from taking a chance on a gorgeous lady/ man who drives you nuts some body you have developed feelings for, but in case you may be making a great mistake if you did that. But for a change I urge to look at your face in the mirror and stare at your face and say ''i am beautiful if you are a lady or say im handsome if you are a male. Because you are unique and chilly hot. You are good looking for sure and able to love and be loved'' because what you say about yourself is what you will become in other words what you are, being positive about your self impacts positively on yourself esteem.

Self discovery puts you in the confortable driving seat of your life making you realise that you are not a good for nothing but you are beautiful, special, unique and one of a kind which is very true because there is no one like you. This realisation may seem simple but just so you know it can be the biggest realisation of your life and don't wish to be somebody else you can be happy and succesful being you self because that's what matters.

In self discovery you need to know what you are good at, are you good at being a model, a rapper, a lawyer, a dj, an astronaut, an actress, a writer, a humanitarian, a pastor, a poet e.t.c. go for it as long as you have thought about it and you are convinced in your heart to say that's what you want to do or pursue with all your heart then go for it. Don't try to do music because your friend is doing it that could be his talent while yours could be poetry like Ludo or motivation speaking like Smooth IK etc it should be something you do out of passion. To be truly succesful in life it depends on meditating on the book of the law of God from the Bible, see Joshua 1:8, Psalms 1:1-3. It then goes to being passionate about what you do or aspire to be, on your way to success know that through self discovery you become aware of the fact that the easy road leads to no where, even in being your self and fighting for your dreams, ambitions, desires and all that you desire to be or accomplish in life you must know that trials, challenges, tribulations will be there at one point or the other that's why i say do not be discouraged and do not quit for its a known fact that quitters never win and winners never quit. Happiness and success is not for the weak but for the strong, brave and courageous. I want you to know that all it takes is for you to self discover so that you self recover. Why must I self recover? You must self recover so that your life will not be anything less of what it could have been. Maybe by now you should be an actor at hollywood, a pastor with a big ministry, a powerful gospel artist, an evangelist winning souls for our Lord Jesus Christ, or you could be running a charitable organisation dedicated to cater for the needs of the homeless people, the street kids, the aged, the disabled or you could have established a great social network company or you could have become an astronaut etc but because of not knowing yourself you could be down that road. That's why the self recovery aspects is important so that you recover and become everything you were born to become.

Self discovery gives you a chance to know if you are good at something or not or if people are impressed or offended by your behaviour or even your dress code and based on peoples reaction towards what you do e.t.c in society if for example in Lusaka Zambia, a young lady who walks in a very short mini skirt in town, people mostly would rip her clothes off stripping her naked in broad day light to use her as an example to other ladies that would have the mind to do the same and the reason for stripping her clothes or ripping them is because dressing in an immoral way is contrary to the cultural values of we Africans. At times they could even resort to beating her up in broad day light in displeasure which shows the fact that well meaning Zambians wouldn't take kindly to immoral behavior, even if the ladies intensions are not to seduce men and she is doing it all in the name of fashion but peoples reaction would send a strong message and the woman may be said to be an immoral person even if she's not. That's why as we encourage and life coach on self discovery we don't encourage immorality on the quest to self discovery because self discovery is all about you being a good product with a good name and integrity with a purpose driven life or fulfilment and success. The Bible says a good name is better than riches, its better that silver and gold. Every thing we do right or wrong has consequences some are short term and some are long term but the consquencess i would encourage you to aspire for are those that are for right doings.

Self discovery is not a one day venture, it could take months even years depending on your personal commitment and availability of opportunities.

Self discovery has proven that with discipline it could be well with some one while with lack of discipline it's proven fact that things can really go bad for some one, so responsibility is something that we all ought to have in us, discipline is key to many things such as good health, success, long life, good reputation, self worth e.t.c so we should know that in self discovery, you can't self discover by over speeding in the fastest lane or having casual sex with a club hooker without using protection as in most cases your actions can cost you so much including your precious life.

Self discovery lets us know about nature, you can't fight with nature because everybody who tries to do that fights against himself or herself, know your place anywhere you may be in life, if you are a son, daughter, mother, father, e.t.c that's your place in the family and it's wise to do the right thing, as a child you might love your parent or not but always remember they are your parent something that you can't change so you can't fight nature just respect your parent despite there errors and short comings. Parents should love their children as there is nothing that nourishes one's soul like love given, support your kids and mentor them by you being the good example and role model to your children.

If you are a teenager know that if you are female you will one day be either a house wife or a career married woman, to have a commitment to your husband and child bearing including raising your children with mounts of responsibility. If you are a male know that your being the head of a family one day will be a must, to be a husband, father, provider, protector, e.t.c, as a female your responsibility will be loving, caring, submitting, obedient, respectful, supporting, e.t.c and a male to be loving, providing, caring, respectiful, faithful, open to suggestions e.t.c those are some of the natural roles for human beings. You can't fight nature, nature is nature we can't fight it or turn away from.

In the year 2008 i watched a movie tittled Hitch starring Will Smith after a friend told me that it could enhance my skill when it came to the opposite sex and it was at a time when i was dealing with attitude problems, so i sat home Saturday afternoon and i started watching the movie, when i was done i wanted to basicly try out what i saw in the movie and i wanted to be exactly like Mr Hitchens for the role Will played ''The Love Doctor'' to some extent i tried out some moves and mostly worked out but there was no fun in all that. I was not the Love Doctor and why in the world did I even think of playing a role from the fiction movie that was pure script work of an expert entertainer? I guess i was nuts in the head and sick of being by myself with nobody to tell me a sweet good night because i was insecure and could not face a young lady to ask her to be that bright sunshine i needed in my life. How i knew i had grown past that phase was when i proposed a young lady until i overcame i tell you she was beautiful. Before my self discovery each moment i played with no script thing would end up terrible so things certainly crushed on me so I used to have lots of good starts but disastrous endings all because i did not self discover and i was a stranger in my own skin. So the whole thing was a lesson for me, there was nothing wrong in me trying to enhance my skills but there was everything wrong in me playing a character i had seen on TV, as i discovered i was lying to myself acting up and all that playing Mr Hitchens the pain i suffered was enough lesson to say ''it's a disaster to try and be some one else i am not''

Self discovery is a process of discovering yourself and why should you? simple, you are the president of your own life and you ought to discover in order to recover and according to research most people who did a self discovery survey realised that they lived life not as they should have, that before they just could do about anything or nothing. Always living in unnecessary compromise wasting time on things they shouldn't have been waiting time on, many people who don't really know who they are are usually unproductive, unhappy, unfulfilled and not succesful. Truth is that you only live once and today is the day for you to live your life and make the decisions that you will act upon. Knowing that tomorrow is a day nobody is promised that's why at the end of each day put your life under scrutiny and ask your self before you go to bed if you are happy about how you lived life and who you had been all day long, see if it gives you the satisfaction that if tomorrow never comes you lived best each day as your last with joy then that's awesome satisfaction, e.t.c knowing that you are good and not perfect yet you are the best person you know, the best person around others. Not that it should stir up pride in you but always live by the rule that has elevated people into greatness the rule of humility.

Self discovery is a day to day process, you require to have some patience and a commitment with nothing after all there is absolutely nothing to loose but there is everything to gain. Now here is one thing you shouldn't forget, there is need that you must develop an habit of keeping a journal, diary, memo and a to do list that you should discipline yourself to stick to no matter what, because you must also know that keeping time, time management, project management and undertaking, small things like telling the truth, being honest, faithful, hardworking, passionate as well as knowing that passion should not lack in all that you do, as you self discover be passionate about who you are and what's around you. Whether or not it's okay to aspire for a particular thing but know that contentment shouldn't lack in you. Always aspire to be the you that God made you to be the you that you would want to be over and over again.