Chapter 5 ceremony tonight

Trigger warning

Isabella

"You ought to skip dinner tonight; your hips are already on the larger side; you don't need your thighs joining them as well."

I sigh, sinking further into the tub with a nod. "Of course, Marie." She was right, but it didn't mean I was happy about it. Skipping meals always made me grumpy.

A sound of approval sounds from behind as she continues to run her fingers through my hair to help prepare me for the graduation ceremony tonight.

It had been a week since the night in the clearing, and I knew I was running out of time. I couldn't stop thinking about what this all meant. And while I was hesitant, I was mostly confused.

I had tried calling Daniel to help me make sense of all this random information, but he hasn't been taking my calls.

His absence has also been gnawing at the back of my mind, and I can't help but worry about him. It was unlike him to be absent for so long, especially when he hadn't taken any of my calls.

Something wasn't right, and I could feel it.

But I couldn't bring myself to betray Father Lucas. He knew what was best for me, and if he had declined the idea of New York University, then maybe it was for the best.

"I remember when Michael and I attended our graduation ceremony." Marie chuckles from behind me, and I smile as I hug my legs to myself and stare down into the bubbles in the bath. "The night of the ceremony was so magical." She breathes, and I can hear the smile in her voice. "It gave me..." She trails off as a tense silence settles over us.

We both knew what came out of that night.

Daniel.

We never spoke of Daniel much. It often made me more upset than I let on. I didn't understand how they could so easily disregard Daniel, their own son, as they did.

But the tinge of sadness in Marie's voice leads me to believe otherwise, and with hesitancy, I speak. "Do you... Miss him?" I dare to ask as I distract myself by treading my fingers through the water around me.

I'm met with more silence before she breaks it. "It doesn't matter." Her tone, sharper than before, snaps, and my shoulders tense. "We are not to speak of such traitors anymore. You should know better."

Maybe it's the anger that's been bubbling for years or the fact that I've been worried out of my mind while she sits back and doesn't care for him, but I push. "But he is your son."

Her hands tighten in my hair, and she tugs my head back harshly, my head tilting so I can stare into her angry eyes. "He stopped being my son the moment he questioned our lord, Father Lucas, and publicly humiliated this family."

I flinch at the hostility and hatred dripping from her tone, and she merely lets go of her grip in my hair and moves on to scrubbing my shoulders with the stiff-bristle brush. "We are lucky that Father Lucas still shows us hospitality and respect. You should be very grateful." She scolds in that reprimanding tone.

"I am, Marie."

She smacks her lip in that way that tells me she doesn't believe me and offers an unimpressed hum. "If you were, you wouldn't be speaking of such horrible things. You ought to rid your mind of these sinful thoughts right away, Isabella."

I withhold the urge to sigh out of frustration. Arguing with her was useless. She never understood, and sometimes I only felt as though she liked me only when I did what she wanted me to do.

I knew I needed to change the subject before things escalated, and so, I settled for something less tense as I blurted the next thing that came to mind.

"Does sex hurt?"

I knew what was expected of me tonight. I was to give myself to Dillan, but I still didn't know how I felt about it.

I hear Marie talk from behind me. "Stop speaking in such a crude manner, young lady. What has gotten into you?" She scolded, slapping the side of my upper arm above the water.

I roll my eyes, glad that she can't see me, for I knew she'd have something to say about that, too. In a monotone voice, I rephrase my sentence. "Does the act of coitus hurt?"

Marie sighs as she continues to scrub harshly at my skin. I would much rather get ready myself, but Marie is a perfectionist, and I'm always the subject of her madness.

"Your hesitation is not uncommon. Most girls are hesitant, but the future of The Colony is more important. All you need to do is push those thoughts that stop you away."

I instantly regretted asking because she was less than helpful. It was easier said than done, but I didn't push it. I briefly debated telling Marie about how I wouldn't, in fact, be having Dillan's children, but then thought better of it.

Father Lucas had always told me to keep things reserved and between us, and I think this is just another one of those things.

"It's going to happen tonight regardless," she continues, and I want to groan because once she starts her lectures, there's no stopping them.

"There's no point worrying yourself to death over it, dear. Just listen to Dillan and make him feel good; it will make you feel good. Regardless, it's an honor to be contributing to The Colony. She says, standing up and clapping her hands as she rounds the tub to look down at me.

"Now, what you should worry about is how you're going to fit into that dress of yours." She mutters, glancing down at me with disapproval, before spinning on her heels and walking into my bedroom, mumbling under her breath.

I don't care to listen; instead, I spread my body out, sinking further into the tub before holding my breath and sinking my entire body beneath the surface of the water.

It was the only sense of peace I got these days. The world around me would stop, my thoughts and feelings would all be drowned out by the water, and I had a few minutes to just be.

I was tired of thinking, talking, worrying, breathing.

And so, I stop and let the nothingness that comes from being underwater take over, and I bask in it for as long as I can hold my breath.

But sometimes, even those few minutes aren't enough.

. . .

"I can't wait for this to be over. Partying with elders is so lame." Dillian drawls as we continue to sway to the music.

"What's lame?" I ask, glancing around the reception hall of the graduation ceremony.

He sighs and rolls his eyes. "It's a term they use on the outside." He mutters, and I can sense the tinge of superiority in his voice.

Ever since he started his summertime duties working for Father Lucas and running errands for him in the town over, he's been having more of an attitude.

He'd gloat at every chance he got, and it's been making me angrier than I'd like to admit.

I blink at him, my temper flaring. "And I would know why?"

He sends me a fake smile. "It should be pretty self-explanatory. Even for you."

My eyes narrow up at him. I didn't appreciate the way he constantly made me feel, like I was so... incompetent.

"The textbook definition for lame is when an animal can't walk due to a foot injury. So technically, I do know what it means, just not in the terms of modern-day slang."

Dillan's face drops, and a small triumphant smile crosses my face. "Goodness, Isabella, do you always have to be such a know-it-all?"

The classical music picks up, and we pick up our pace accordingly. "No. Your lack of wits just makes it too easy."

He narrows his eyes back at me, but I couldn't care less. Sometimes Dillan got on my nerves. The tempo once again rises, and we move faster with the other assigned couples dancing around us.

But I falter once I feel a sharp pain in my foot.

I wince and look up at Dillan, who's looking anywhere but me. Imbecile. "You did that on purpose." I glare.

I wasn't too keen on letting my anger get the best of me, but sometimes it was too hard to contain. And it gets even harder to stay calm when Dillan merely glances over me, disregarding me. But before I can snap at him, the music comes to a halt.

We both stop and look towards the entrance of the reception hall to see Father Lucas emerging from the doors.

The hall was located on the lower level of the town hall. It was adorned with round tables seating parents and elders who watched the young graduates dance.