Chapter 5 THE SCHOOL THAT TAUGHT SNAIL LANGUAGE

One afternoon, Miss Adzo, the headmistress of Sikakrom Basic School, stood before the blackboard with an idea that made even her chalk hesitate.

"Children,'' she announced, "from today, we are starting snail language classes. We cannot be left behind."

The children cheered. Any excuse to avoid maths was welcome.

"Repeat after me," she said, writing on the board. "Slurr... shlip... shlook! That is how a snail greets in Snailese."

Kweku "Google" raised his hand. "But Madam, how do we know that's the right pronunciation?"

"Ask the head of snails, not me," she snapped.

Soon, the school compound was full of children hissing and sliding on their stomachs for "practice."

Parents came to protest. "Our children now crawl like snails. Who will fetch water? Who will pound fufu?"

Miss Adzo was firm. "This is the future. One day, the talking snail may offer scholarships."

T.T. the Trickster saw a new opportunity. He printed fake snail certificates and sold them to parents: "Certified Snail Whisperer Level 1."

By the time the District Education Officer visited, half the school had turned into what looked like a snail Olympics.

"Ah, what is this?" he asked, blinking.

"Cultural immersion," said Miss Adzo proudly. "We are preparing for the Wind Colour Test."

The officer nodded slowly and made a note: "Urgent mental health intervention required."

And just like that, Sikakrom marched confidently toward a future nobody understood but everyone feared would be hilarious.