Chapter 3 THE HUNTER'S TRUTH AND THE PASTOR'S PLAN

Out in the bush, Koo Mensah the hunter was arguing with his dog, Azonto.

"I'm telling you, Azonto, I saw it! A big snail, shiny like coconut oil, and it said, 'Good morning, hunter.'"

Azonto barked once and lay down.

"You don't believe me, eh? You think I'm drinking again. You wait!"

Back in the village, Pastor Isaiah heard the rumours and decided it was time to reclaim his lost glory. His church had been half empty since Auntie Esi started selling herbal anointing oils that "cured poverty."

"This is our moment!" he declared at morning devotion. "If a snail can talk, surely it will speak only in tongues!"

He declared a three-day dry fast for the entire village, saying the spirit of the snail must be holy.

"But Pastor, what if the snail is a witch?'' asked one woman.

"Then we bind it with fire!" he shouted.

Meanwhile, children were searching bushes, calling out, "Snail ooo, come and talk. We won't eat you!"

That evening, a boy ran into the village screaming, "I found it! I found the talking snail!"

Everyone followed him with torches, hoes, and frying pans.

What they found was not a talking snail... but a broken Bluetooth speaker someone had dropped in the bush, playing a recording: "Hello, this is Vodafone. You have one new message."

Sikakrom had officially lost its mind.