Chapter 3 Birthday

Kierra's POV

At this moment, there's only one thing racing through my mind: how utterly foolish I am. If there were an award for the most stupid person on planet Earth, I'm sure I would be unopposed for that title. I feel so ridiculously naïve, it's almost laughable. I can't believe I thought we could actually have a chance together. The more I replay our moments in my head, the more I realize just how blind I've been.

I'm even more foolish for thinking he would ever look at me the way he looks at his flings. Even if it's just lust in his eyes, at least I would have felt that attention-directed at me, even for a fleeting moment. But the most painful realization of all is that I was extremely naïve to think he might see me as more than just a friend.

Kierra, you are really, truly stupid. You are so, so, so foolish. The thought barely leaves room in my head to contain the emotions that bubble up whenever he's near me.

"Hey, Kierra, are you okay? Did I say something wrong?" he asks, concern etched all over his handsome face.

"No, of course not," I reply, my voice shaky as I sniff back my tears.

"You look like you're about to cry. Tell me what's wrong," he says, gently taking my hands in his.

"It's nothing, Xander. I'm listening," I say, carefully removing my hands from his grasp, knowing that it would only hurt me more to feel his warmth.

"Are you sure? I could tell you later if you're feeling bad right now," he suggests, his eyes searching mine for a hint of the truth.

"No, tell me now. I'm used to it anyway," I insist, my heart racing.

"Used to what?" he inquires, a hint of confusion in his voice.

"Nothing! Just tell me!" I urge, my emotions swirling dangerously close to the surface.

"Okay, if you say so. Remember when we made that deal? I said I'd make my relationship work, and you'd go out with someone else? Well, who better than Jennifer? She's beautiful, she's amazing-and for once, I think I actually like a girl..." he says with a smile.

My heart shatters inside me as his words sink in. Each cheerful word feels like a dagger, twisting deeper into my chest, and I can hardly breathe.

"So, it's her birthday tomorrow, and since I broke up with Kate, I was thinking of asking her out properly. Who better to help me than you, right? Please, Kierra-I really, really like Jennifer. You have to help me out on this one! I'm doing this because I want to make the relationship work, and so you'll have a chance at love too, Kierra. So, would you help me out, please?"

Xander pleaded, his eyes earnest and full of hope. I felt my own eyes welling up with tears, the weight of his words pressing down on my chest.

"Xander..." I began, my voice weary and filled with a mixture of exhaustion and heartbreak.

"Please, Kierra! I get so nervous around her. I can't do it without you. I need your help, please! I'll do anything you want-anything at all!"

His desperation was palpable, and it twisted a knife in my already aching heart.

The only thing I'll ever want is for you to look at me the way you look at them, for you to kiss me the way you kiss them, and for you to love me like no one else... I whispered silently to myself, feeling both anger and sadness swirl inside me.

"Kierra, please..." he added, drawing me back to the conversation.

"Umm, Xander, I have things to do tomorrow, you know," I replied, trying to muster some resolve.

"Come on, I'll tell your parents! Plus, we won't take long. I just need you to help set up dinner and some balloons on the school's rooftop," he said, his grin infectious despite my turmoil.

"You're gonna ask her on the rooftop?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper, hoarse from holding back my emotions.

"Yeah! It's the most romantic place I could think of! Isn't it great?" he said, his eyes sparkling with excitement.

"Yeah, it's great... Umm, can I use the restroom before we go?" I asked, needing a moment to gather myself.

"Sure! Should I wait for you here?" he asked.

"No, I'll meet you in the car," I said, my voice trembling as I fought back the tears threatening to spill over.

"Okay. See you!" he said, cheerfully unaware of the storm he was leaving in his wake.

I made my way to the restroom, each step heavier than the last, my heart pounding painfully in my chest.

The moment I entered, I didn't even try to blink back the tears-I let them fall freely. I walked to the door, slammed it shut, and crouched down, breaking out in sobs. My heart felt like it was being torn to shreds by Xander Thompson's indifference.

I didn't care how long I stayed in there. I didn't care if anyone saw me crying-not even if it was the boys' restroom. I just cried. Because I knew that after today, I had lost whatever slim chance I had at being with him.

Eventually, I took a deep breath, rinsed my face, and forced a smile onto my face. I walked out, determined to act like everything was fine-even though I was broken inside.

Next Day

"So that's what happened. I guess now he wants me to help him prepare everything for today. He's had everything ready-I just need to help set it up and check things out..." I explained to Maya in the lab during recess the next day.

"Now you've really lost it. You can't seriously be thinking of helping him," Maya exclaimed, wide-eyed.

"He's my bestie! Of course I have to help him. Besides, if I don't, he'll start getting suspicious. This is all my fault, Maya-I made the stupid deal. So, I just have to deal with it. I'll be fine. I'll get used to it," I replied, more to convince myself than her.

"You think so, huh? You won't get used to it. You can't. You know why? Because no matter how you see it, you love him, Kierra! You know him better than he knows himself. But you can't just stop being so fricking stupid and open up to him! He loves you too!"

"He doesn't, Maya. He doesn't! Stop it! Just let it go!" I shouted back.

"You'll never know unless you talk to him, Kierra. Just do it-or else you'll keep getting hurt. Just like yesterday, when you cried your eyes out, right? Of course you cried! That's what you always do when he hurts you, right? So this time wasn't an exception. You cried, didn't you?"

I said nothing.

"You can't get over him. He isn't just a crush. You love him, Kierra. I really don't know why he doesn't see how much you love him. But my advice? Tell him-before it's too late. Or else you might actually lose him. And this time... he won't come back."

With that, she grabbed her books and left. Her words echoed in my mind.

"Oh hey, Kierra," Seth said, taking a seat beside me.

Seth was one of Xander's teammates. The only guy who kept asking me out-even after countless rejections. He never stopped sending flowers, leaving sweet notes, or inviting me to lunch.

Don't get me wrong, Seth was incredibly cute. Most girls would kill to be with him. But I couldn't. My heart was with someone else.

"Hey, Seth," I replied, forcing a smile.

"You're probably gonna say no again, but like I said, Kierra-I won't stop trying. I won't stop until you say yes."

"Seth, I..."

"I know you're not ready, and I respect that. But I don't need you to love me. I just need you to let me love you-and show you how amazing you are, just the way I see you."

Then he stood and walked away.

After school, I made my way to the rooftop to check the decor. My heart was heavy with dread. I knew what I'd find.

And just like that, I opened the door and was met with a beautiful setup: floating balloons, twinkling lights, an elegant table-perfect.

Xander had really gone all out.

"So, Bes, is it okay? Or is it too much?" he asked, a little nervously.

"It's perfect, Xander," I whispered, swallowing the lump in my throat.

"I know you probably want to leave, but I don't know how long this will take, so..."

"I can walk home or catch a ride. Don't worry about me-I'll be fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure. Have fun."

"Umm, Bes, one last thing... I, um, wrote something for her. Could you listen to it first?"

"Huh?" I asked, stunned.

"It's just a few lines. Please, Bes-I'm nervous."

"Okay," I agreed.

He cleared his throat.

"Jennifer, ever since I met you, I've grown happier, and I've become more carefree than ever before.

You make me feel things I never thought I would feel.

I can't say I love you just yet, but I'd love for you to teach me how.

Go out with me, Jennifer."

"So... how was it?" he asked.

"It was... umm... good," I replied, blinking away tears.

"I'll go now. Bye, Xander," I said, rushing out.

But I didn't leave.

Instead, I hid behind the rooftop door... and watched.

"Hey, Jennifer! Happy birthday," he greeted her with a kiss on the cheek.

That was it. I broke down again.

I watched them laugh, dance, feed each other cake-and then... he said those exact same lines. She screamed "Yes!" and he kissed her.

And she kissed him back.

That was all it took.

I left-again-this time in tears, walking home without caring who saw me.

When I got home, no one was there. Thank God. I couldn't deal with questions or concerned stares.

My eyes landed on the piano.

I sat down, blew off the dust, and let my fingers find their place on the keys.

"I feel so numb... so, so numb," I whispered.

"I hate you... I love you... Why can't I stop loving you?" I sang, crying harder.

"I hate that I love you..."

Just then, my phone beeped.

It was Seth:

"Dinner. Saturday night. I won't stop until you say yes."

Without thinking, I replied:

"SURE! I'D LOVE TO."

Maybe... just maybe, I needed to stop waiting.