Chapter 2

Finn woke up slowly, confused.

He looked at me, then patted my face again.

"Daddy? You're so cold."

He scrambled off the bed, his small legs unsteady.

He ran to the window, peering out into the dark street.

No car. Laura wasn't back.

He went to the phone, the landline this time.

He dialed Laura's cell. Voicemail. Again.

He tried her work number at the bookstore. It was a part-time job she'd taken recently, something Julian had encouraged. "Get out of the house more," he'd said.

The phone rang and rang.

Finally, a sleepy voice answered. "Book Nook, how can I help?"

"Is my mom there? Laura O'Connell?" Finn asked, his voice trembling.

"Uh, no, honey. We closed hours ago. She left around five."

Five. It was nearly midnight now.

"Okay. Thank you," Finn said, his voice barely a whisper.

He hung up.

The despair on his face was a physical blow.

He came back to the bedroom, his eyes wide with a dawning horror.

"Daddy, I think... I think you're really, really sick."

He didn't understand death. Not yet.

He thought I just needed help.

He ran out of the house.

Just like that. Pajamas, bare feet. Into the cold night.

"Finn! No!" I tried to yell, but no sound came.

I followed him, my spirit gliding through the closed door.

He was running down the street, towards the main road.

He was going to find help.

He was going to Laura's bookstore. It wasn't that far, maybe a mile.

But for a little boy, alone, at night?

It was a terrifying journey.

He stumbled on a crack in the sidewalk, scraping his knee.

He cried out, a small, sharp sound, but he got back up.

He kept going.

His breath plumed in the cold air.

I stayed with him, a helpless shadow.

Each step he took was a step further into danger.

He reached the bookstore. It was dark, closed up tight.

A flicker of hope crossed his face when he saw a light on in the coffee shop next door. Julian often met Laura there.

He pressed his face to the glass of the coffee shop.

And there they were.

Laura. And Julian.

Sitting at a small table, laughing.

Laura's head was tilted back, her eyes sparkling as Julian spoke.

He had his hand over hers on the table.

Finn banged on the window.

"Mom! Mom!"

Laura looked up, startled. Her smile vanished when she saw Finn.

Her expression shifted to annoyance. Pure, undiluted annoyance.

Julian looked too, his face a mask of surprise that quickly turned into something else. Something cold.

Laura stood up, gesturing angrily at Finn.

She came to the door, Julian following, a concerned look plastered on his face.

"Finn! What on earth are you doing here?" Laura hissed, pulling him inside.

Her grip was tight on his arm.

"It's Daddy!" Finn cried, tears streaming down his face. "He's sick! He won't wake up! He's so cold!"

Julian put a hand on Laura's shoulder.

"Easy, Laura. The boy's obviously overwrought."

His voice was smooth, soothing.

"Finn," Julian said, crouching down to his level. "Your dad is a strong man. He's probably just very tired. Why don't you tell us what happened?"

But his eyes, when they met mine for a fleeting second, were full of triumph.

"He was making funny noises," Finn sobbed. "And he wouldn't talk to me. I tried to call you, Mom, but you didn't answer."

Laura's face was hard.

"I told you, Finn. He's faking. He's trying to ruin my evening."

"No! He's not!" Finn insisted. "He's really, really cold!"

Julian straightened up, shaking his head sadly.

"Laura, dear, perhaps Mike is... influencing the boy. Making him say these things."

Influencing. The word dripped with insinuation.

Laura's eyes narrowed. "Mike wouldn't... He wouldn't use Finn."

But the doubt was there. Julian had planted it.

"He's been under a lot of stress," Julian said softly. "People do strange things."

"I am not lying!" Finn shouted, his small body trembling with indignation. "Daddy needs help!"

He tried to pull away from Laura, to run back towards our house.

Laura grabbed him tighter.

"You are going to stop this nonsense right now, Finnian O'Connell!" she snapped. "You are embarrassing me!"

She started to drag him towards the door.

"Laura, wait," Julian said. He feigned a stumble, knocking into a small display of mugs.

They crashed to the floor, shattering.

"Oh, clumsy me," Julian said, bending down.

Then he looked at Finn. "Did you push me, son?"

His voice was gentle, but the accusation was clear.

Finn stared, horrified. "No! I didn't! You fell!"

Laura whirled on Finn.

"Did you push Julian?" she demanded.

"No, Mom! I swear!"

"Don't lie to me, Finn! Apologize to Julian right now!"

Tears of frustration and injustice welled in Finn's eyes.

"But I didn't do it!"

Laura's face flushed with anger.

"You are just as stubborn as your father! Fine! If you won't apologize, you can stand outside until you learn some manners!"

She dragged him to the door and pushed him out into the cold.

"Mom, no! It's cold!" Finn cried, grabbing the doorframe.

His little fingers, already chilled, scraped against the metal.

One of his fingernails bent back, painfully.

He yelped.

I saw the bright bead of blood well up.

Laura didn't even look.

She slammed the door in his face.

The heat from the coffee shop, the murmur of voices, all cut off.

Finn was left alone in the dark, on the cold sidewalk.

His hand throbbed. His knee was bleeding.

He was shivering violently now.

He pressed himself against the warm glass of the window, trying to get some heat.

He could see Laura fussing over Julian, dabbing at a non-existent scratch on Julian's hand with a napkin.

Julian was smiling, that charming, false smile.

My son. My poor, suffering son.

And I, his father, his protector, was a ghost.

A powerless, raging ghost.

I stood beside Finn, trying to shield him from the wind with my useless form.

"I know you're telling the truth, Finn," I whispered into the wind. "I know."

He couldn't hear me.

He wrapped his arms around himself, his teeth chattering.

He looked towards our home, a desperate longing in his eyes.

He had to get back to me. He'd promised to take care of me.

Julian said something to Laura, and she laughed.

Then Julian leaned in and whispered something in her ear.

I saw Laura's eyes flick towards Finn, a flicker of something... was it pity?

No. It hardened again.

Julian was good. He was a master.

He was probably telling her I was a drunk, or unfaithful. He'd been planting those seeds for weeks.

Finn suddenly turned.

He looked straight at where I was standing.

"Daddy?" he whispered.

My non-existent heart leaped.

But he was just looking past me, at the dark street.

He was hallucinating from cold and fear.

He started to walk, then run, back towards our house.

Each step was an effort. He was so cold.

Laura and Julian came out of the coffee shop.

Laura didn't even glance towards the direction Finn had gone.

"He's probably run home to his father," Julian said, putting his arm around Laura's shoulders. "Let Mike deal with his dramatics."

Laura leaned into him.

"You're right. I'm tired of it. Sometimes... sometimes I wish Mike would just... disappear."

The words hit me like a physical blow.

Disappear. She wished I would disappear.

I was already gone. And she wished it.

Finn, halfway down the block, heard her.

He stopped, turned.

His small face, illuminated by a streetlight, was a mask of shock and betrayal.

He had heard his mother wish his father gone.

He stumbled, then ran faster, a desperate, panicked flight.

He didn't see the uneven paving stone.

He pitched forward, hard.

This time, he didn't get up.

He lay there, a small, crumpled heap on the cold concrete.

Laura and Julian walked away, in the opposite direction, their laughter echoing in the empty street.

They didn't see him fall.

They didn't care.

I rushed to Finn.

He was unconscious. A dark stain was spreading on the concrete under his head.

Blood.

My son was bleeding in the street, alone.

And his mother had just wished me dead.

A car pulled up a few minutes later. Not Laura.

It was one of Julian's cronies. A lowlife named Sal.

Julian must have called him.

Sal got out, looked around, then roughly picked Finn up.

He carried him like a sack of garbage back to our house.

He unlocked the door with a key Julian must have given him.

He dumped Finn on the living room couch and left, locking the door behind him.

Finn moaned, stirring.

He slowly, painfully, got to his feet.

He was dazed, confused.

He limped towards the bedroom. My bedroom.

He didn't want to wake me.

He crept in, quiet as a mouse.

He saw my still form on the bed.

He gently touched my arm.

"Daddy," he whispered, his voice thick with pain. "I'm back. I'm sorry I was gone so long."

He curled up on the floor beside the bed, too weak to climb up.

He was trying to be quiet. Trying not to disturb his dead father.

The tragic innocence of it tore at my soul.