Chapter 5 Five

It's not like I can pretend I don't see him there.

He's literally in my way.

Spencer leans against the fence outside of the kitchen door, one hand shoved in his pants pocket and the other holding a glass of whiskey-or whatever that amber liquid may be.

I freeze in my tracks, unsure of what to do. He hasn't noticed me yet, but if I walk back inside the house, it'll be too obvious that I'm trying to avoid him. I don't need to be this pathetic in front of him. I look around, trying to spot his skinny blonde sidekick, but she is nowhere in sight.

He is taking in the surroundings, almost as if he's checking if everything is still the way he probably remembers it being in the past. And when he turns his head to the other side, that's when his eyes find me.

I take a deep breath, preparing myself for the next moment.

There's no escaping, no turning back now.

Spencer looks slightly surprised when he spots me, but he does a better job than me by hiding it almost immediately.

"Hayden," he simply says. His tone is even, free of any suspicious indicator that he's uncomfortable by seeing me. But it still does something to me to hear him say my name after all this time.

"Hey," I reply, afraid that he might notice the awkward silence if I take too long to answer.

"I-wow, okay..." He clears his throat, starting to show signs of his uneasiness. "I prepared myself for this moment, but I wasn't expecting it to be like this."

I fight the urge to frown. He prepared himself for this moment? What moment? Seeing me? Why does he look so unsettled? Am I crazy to think he isn't as cool with it as I thought he was?

"How have you been?" he finally asks, composing himself.

I shrug, trying to dismiss the tension in my shoulders. "Fine. You?"

Spencer nods mildly, stepping away from the fence and taking a step forward. It's evident he is not taking any chances by approaching me, unsure of how I'll react, and I appreciate him for that. I'm also not sure how I'd react if he came too close. "I've been all right. It's been so long..." he trails off, looking at me expectantly.

"Yeah, seven years," I point out, as if he doesn't know. Maybe he's forgotten though. Maybe he hasn't been tracking it like I have.

"Seven years," he repeats, lowering his voice.

This is so fucking awkward. I had imagined this scenario in my head so many times before, and in all of them, I'd tell him the truth to his face, show him how he hurt me, how he shattered my heart and left me here, alone, with no hope for the future, with this hatred in my heart that I can't forget. And now...

Now, I can barely think. I have so many things choked down my throat, and this is the perfect opportunity to say them, but I can't make myself do it.

Spencer looks at me with his piercing blue eyes, expecting me to say something, but I can't.

And I can't make myself move either.

"You look happy," I finally mutter, and I curse myself inwardly.

Of all the things I had to say, I said he looks happy?

What the fuck is that supposed to mean, Hayden?

Spencer chuckles, or forces out a chuckle. It doesn't match his expression, though. He does not look happy. Instead, he looks...despondent?

"I am happy to BE here," he emphasizes, looking around with a melancholy expression.

"Yeah... Hm, well, I think we should go back to the party, huh? Your date is probably missing you, and I told Lauren I'd be back soon..."

I hate myself. Why can't I get a hold of my tongue for once in my life? Now, he's going to think I'm jealous.

Phenomenal job, Hayden.

Spencer looks taken aback, his eyes widening almost imperceptibly. But I know him too well to miss it, no matter how hard he tries to hide it from me. That's one of the things that apparently didn't change about him. Spencer always tries to hide his true feelings. He doesn't normally allow himself to be vulnerable with others. And there are some traits that are noticeable in his body language that always give him away.

You just have to know where to look.

"Look, Hayden... I wanted to talk to you since, you know...things happened so fast, and we-"

"Let's not do this, Spencer." I cut him off. I don't mean to sound rude, but the words come out harsher than I intended. "I'm glad you managed to come to the wedding. Everyone is really happy, especially Ryan and Chad. Thanks for doing that for them."

"Of course, I wouldn't miss it for the world," he mutters.

"Good. I'll head back now." I point in the direction of the party and resume my walk, circling the house and focusing on putting one foot in front of the other without stumbling and falling.

My brain is full of a whirlwind of thoughts and memories, and I feel slightly nauseated. Damn those glasses of champagne.

Why do I feel so unlike myself? I expected this moment to be awkward, but this is something else.

It takes me a second to pull myself together, and when I finally find Lauren and Poppy, they are no longer on the dance floor, but rather, they're engaged in a group chat with Chad, Ryan, Alice, a few cousins of ours, and... Spencer's girlfriend.

Great! Just what I needed right now.

Poppy waves at me to come over, and I ponder pretending I haven't seen her for a moment. Do I really want to bond with Spencer's girlfriend? However, I can't run away from this. The party is almost over, and soon, I won't have to worry about Spencer, his girl, or anything related to them. I'll be back to my normal, boring life, and it'll be as if nothing happened.

I grab a glass of champagne on my way there, taking a huge gulp from it, and by the time I get to their circle, the glass is almost empty.

It takes me a while to understand what they are talking about. Some words stand out to me, but I can't force my brain to make sense of what they are saying. Everyone seems entertained by something Chad is babbling about, but I'm too busy looking around and trying to spot the waiter again to grab another drink.

That's when I spot him, Spencer, standing right behind. I smile at the waiter and grab two glasses at once while Spencer joins us. His girlfriend flashes him a smile and wraps her arm around his waist, and I feel some stares being thrown my way, but I ignore them, taking another sip from my cold champagne.

"Girl, you might want to take it easy on that, or you'll have a hell of headache tomorrow," Lauren whispers in my ear. But honestly, at this point, I don't care.

"Yeah, I already have one, and it has nice legs, arms wrapped around my ex-boyfriend, and you conspiring with it." I shoot her a hard glance, my eyes narrowed.

My sister shrugs, looking sorrowful. "They ambushed me and started talking about this stupid game where they met each other. What should I have done? Leave?"

"Exactly," I murmur, more to myself than to her.

"Is everything okay, though? You took a while to come back from the bathroom," she points out.

"I bumped into you-know-who on my way back," I reply, focusing my attention on some guests on the dance floor. I look at Lauren when I hear her gasp, and the way her jaw drops almost makes me want to laugh out loud. I would if I wasn't so pissed and buzzy right now.

"You...talked to him? How did it go?" she urges me, doing her best to keep her voice low with all the excitement clearly bubbling inside of her.

"Can we not talk about it here? He's literally right in front of us," I note, rolling my eyes at her.

Lauren looks ahead, and then at me, nodding. "Yeah, and he's looking at you."

I gulp, ignoring the weird sensation in my stomach. I shouldn't like hearing that Spencer is looking at me while he has his bimbo glued to his torso, but alcohol is giving me the green light tonight.

"That's funny, Hayden once did a two-week internship in LA for this newspaper. Have you met?" My ears perk up when I hear my cousin, Sara, mentioning my name, and I look up to see what they are talking about.

"You did an internship at the Los Angeles Times?" Spencer's girlfriend asks me, sounding and looking way too excited for my taste.

"You've been to LA?" Spencer shoots at the same time, looking surprised and somewhat...offended?

I clear my throat, looking at Poppy and Lauren for some emotional support. They are both watching the scene with their breath held, and Chad's eyes are going from the couple to me and back to them as if he's watching a tennis match. "Hm, yeah... It was just for two weeks though. Why?"

"I worked at the LA Times for a few months too. Maybe we met at some point? Millie Carlton? Ring a bell?" the girl presses with amusement..

"Ah, I don't think so. Sorry," I say with a forced smile. "Like I said, it was something really quick."

My eyes fall on Spencer, and by the way he's looking at me with a huge frown, I know what he's thinking. I went to LA and didn't contact him. Honestly, that was an opportunity that came up during college, and at that time, I did everything I could to become a great journalist. Not taking the opportunity would have been stupid. And truthfully, I never even considered the possibility of bumping into Spencer back then. Los Angeles is huge, after all.

And what did he expect? That I'd call him after years and tell him I was in the city, so we should go out for a drink and catch up like old times?

Ha! As if!