Chapter 5 Immeasurable

I saw her once again, in the same immaculate white dress. But this time, she doesn't speak to me. She stares at me, not saying a word. This time I heard Papa calling out to her, telling her to let me be and come meet up with him. She did not argue. Rather, she obeyed. Still staring at me, she stood up and walked away, far away from where I was. "Mama" I called out to her. " No, don't go mama" I kept on screaming. She didn't listen, she didn't hearken to my cries. I felt my body shake, not in a way of excitement, but in a situation of fright. I heard my name being called, not in a tone of understanding but a tone of awakening. " Hallow!Hollow!!" I heard. "mama?" I replied, "Mama it is me, mama"- I opened my eyes with a request to see my mother's face. But instead, I was met with Aunt Trish's eyes. Filled with fright, terror, and panic.

"You good gal?" Ain't Trish asked. "Yes Aunt, I'm fine" I responded. "It is just one of my dreams, nothing more" I added to ensure clarity. She sat on my bed, staring at me, she asked "You sure you taking ya drugs?". "Mhm-mhm" I replied. She nodded, wiped her forehead, and said " I'd be right back". Confused I watched her leave, buried in thoughts on how I could stop having these dreams. Because Mama feels withdrawn each time and maybe that's a sign. Still in thought, I heard the door open and found Aunt Trish holding a sage, she lightened it, placed it on the counter she said "It has some herbs in it. Hopefully, it helps clear your mind and ease your heart". I mouthed "Thank you aunt" to her and with that, she blew me a kiss and stepped out of my room. I shut my eyes once more, inhaling the scents that filled my new room, drifting asleep to its aroma.

The sound of birds grows as the sun rises, making its way through the blinds covering my window. "It must be morning", I thought to myself. A new day to scale through. I rose from my bed and headed straight for the bathroom. In the shower, I let myself soak into the latter, allowing water to run through my skin. It felt like I was being cleansed of all the destructive memories I often remembered. I heard Aunt Trish humming and listened to her walk into my room. She called out and said "You don't need to wear that dress dearie, I got some from the marketplace this morning. I hope you love them." I listened to her retreating steps and wondered how she could be so nice to me. Yes, Aunt Trish was everyone's favorite in the neighborhood, but I hadn't expected to be taken under her wing of protection immediately after the death of my parents. I stepped out of the bathroom and found a light pink pair of shorts alongside a white shirt on my bed. "Finally, I get to wear something refreshing". I unwrapped the clothes and put them on immediately. Starring at myself in the mirror, I discovered that my eyes looked vague, I discovered I had lost my spark, and most importantly the zeal to look like a princess. Mama always called me her little princess and every time I played dress up, I wanted to look and feel that way. Right now, I want nothing more than not to be seen.

I contemplated styling my hair, but I ended up placing it in a loose bun, as I always did. I walked out of my room and found Aunt Trish on a call. She wished the person on the other end farewell and sounded everly so nice and gentle. She saw me standing at the corner of the room and said " Go on to the dining area Hallow, 'd meet ya in a second". I nodded and walked into the dining room, I found all the plates, glasses, cutleries, and meal set. All I had to do was sit and wait for her arrival. True to her words, she walked into the room and sat at the same spot she did the night before- at the edge of the table. " You should have started your meal hallow, why wait," she said. I looked up at her and responded " I had no issue waiting Aunty, it is something I have gotten used to with Mama". The room fell silent and she spoke up and said to me " Bless your sweet soul Hallow". We ate in silence and I did the dishes. After the dishes, I went ahead to the sitting area and asked Aunty "When would we be leaving for my home- former home ?" she looked up at me and replied "A little last noon". I nodded in agreement and replied, "Okay Aunty, I will be in my room".

Am I ready to walk back into the place I once knew as home? Would it welcome me in peace or would it bring back memories of trying to run away from it? I can't run away forever, can I?" A thousand and one thoughts I had sweeping through my mind. I didn't know if I was prepared enough to go back, the only thing I was assured of was that I was exhausted of running. For it felt like the more I tried to run far away from the play of reality, the farther I sunk into a hole, a place of no revival. I was tired of letting go and being held down. All I wanted was to feel vindicated. "Yes, yes you are ready to go Hallow," I said to myself. "You in there hallow? " I heard Aunt Trish's voice call out, snapping me out of my journey with destinations unknown. " yes Aunt" I responded. " I will be right out" I reassured. I made my way out of the room and went straight to the sitting area. I knew for sure that Aunt Trish's favorite place aside from her stall was in front of a good series. I walked in and announced, " I'm all ready Aunty ". She snapped her head up and said " Oh right ! Let us get going". Walking right in front of her, she held my arm and spun me around, looking at me she said "You sure about this baby gal ? We could go straight to the market ya know". I blinked in assurance and replied, " I'm sure aunt, nor sure than I could ever be. I can't run forever you know, I have to face my truth someday, and I wouldn't want to prolong that ". She smiled at me and placed a soft kiss on my forehead. " Such a brave girl" I heard her whisper under her breath.