Chapter 4 Alive

After a long shower that felt like forever, I found myself staring down at the same dress I wore on the day of the unfortunate scene. The sundress I once loved had turned to a remainder of despair, anguish, and unending suffering. I wore it as I had no other choice, putting on my garment of misery, I made my way out of the room and navigated my slow but steady steps to the dining section of my new home. I found Aunt Trish placing water glasses on each side of the table and the dinner was indeed quick or I took too long at the shower. Standing at the corner, I watched as Aunt Trish walked her way around the kitchen, back and forth to the dining area, making sure the table was set, this reminded me of my Mama. Aunt Trish must have noticed my presence but I was too lost in my thoughts to have noticed that she was now trying to catch my attention. "Hallow, dear Hallow, come on in" I heard Aunt Trish's voice call out faintly. Whipping my head toward her direction, I nodded in response and walked into the dining room. She patted a sit and signaled for me to take my seat, I sat down and reached for the plate and serving spoon, to dish out the food for her and myself. She held my hand calmly and said "No my gal, I would do just that. I value serving the ones I love". Those same words Mama always said, I shook my head to wave my tears from making their way down my face. The last thing I want Aunt Trish to feel is sadness or not feel like she's doing enough to make me happy and forget my pain. We ate in silence and I respect that. Aunt Trish could be a yapper but she knows when and how to keep to herself and respect others. After our meal, I went ahead to grasp her plate to do the dishes. Aunt Trish was about to place her hands over mine to stop me, but I already knew what she was about to say, and I responded, " No Aunt, allow me to do this at least "She nodded and kissed my hands responding "Okay sweet gal".

While washing the dishes, Aunt Trish sat at the table still, fidgeting with her acrylic nails. I could hear the sound clashing over the kitchen. I blurted out "What do you want to tell me, Aunty?". She giggled and answered, " You know me so well sweetie. I was thinking if we could go to the market and get you new clothes tomorrow. I want ya out of this dress like yesterday". I wiped my hands, went right into the dining room, and said to her "Why go to the market? We could go over to my former home and pick up the ones I have Aunty". She was too stunned to speak, so I added, "Besides I need my phone like yesterday, and gave her a weak smile, to make things better". She replied " I didn't want to rush you too soon Bebe, we could go straight up to the market and get what ya need, when you are ready we then go to ya former home " I shook my head and said, "No Aunty, I'm ready, trust me ". She gave me a weak smile and I responded with one as well. There was a brief silence between us and she blurted out " Go on dearie, it is getting late. Take ya drugs and go to bed " I nodded and answered "Sure thing Aunt".

Getting to my now new room and uneven sanctuary, I looked down at my drugs with no desire to take them. I felt fine, I said to myself "So why take these?". Pushing the drugs aside, I drank the glass filled with water in order not to make Aunt Trish suspicious. I laid down, listening to the crickets and the chilly winds, I wanted, no I needed to find comfort with these, I needed peace to fall asleep. But each time I close my eyes, I see that of Mama's staring right back at me. I could see the fear behind her eyes. Was she scared for her life or scared for mine? Did she feel like running away from that setting not wanting to be killed as Papa? Did she want to go down the same lane with Papa or did she need a chance to choose a different path? All of these questions kept running through my mind, searching for an answer. Heck, how would I have known what Mama would want, only Mama knows. I listened to the sound of the insects, the cries of nocturnal birds, and the sounds created by heavy winds. Maybe if it rains, it will wash away my agony and misery, maybe it will bring about the birth of a new Hallow, maybe it will make me feel anew. I had these thoughts hoping for it to rain, and I found myself drifting deeper into the hands of rest.