Chapter 10 The Supervision Session

Dr. Lee's office stood before Emma as an enormous wall. She was glad to be talking to someone about how she was feeling, but she was also nervous about what Dr. Lee would say.

Dr. Lee smiled broadly and gestured for Emma to start. "Well, Emma, tell me more about what's been happening with Ryan," she said.

Emma took a deep breath and dove into the story, explaining to Dr. Lee how Ryan had been winning her over, and how tempting it had been to meet him for coffee. Dr. Lee listened carefully, her face thoughtful.

When Emma finished, Dr. Lee nodded, thoughtful. "I understand why that's so difficult for you, Emma," she said. "But as your supervisor, I feel I must advise you to keep a professional distance from Ryan. But it's not so much about how you feel about him - it's about your responsibility as a therapist to create a safe, neutral environment for your patients."

Emma nodded, a pang of guilt hitting her. Dr. Lee was right, she thought: She had been letting her feelings cloud her judgment.

Dr. Lee added, "I think it might serve you well to check out with yourself and think about why you're feeling like this toward Ryan. Is there something about him that is activating these feelings in you? And are you attracted him as he is or are you working through your own issues from your past?"

Emma paused, reflecting on Dr. Lee's questions. She came to the conclusion that she had, indeed, been attracted to Ryan's charming and engaging personality, but she understood, however, that it went beyond this.

"I think it's because he's so vulnerable and open with me," Emma finally said. "He trusts me in a way that very few people do, and that is really special to me."

Dr. Lee nodded thoughtfully. "I see," she said. "That's not even the attraction - that's the spark that you feel. But you have to be careful as a therapist not to get too intertwined in that connection "You have to keep it professional, not just for Ryan's benefit, but yours too.

Emma nodded with a sense of determination. If Ryan was going to be Dr. Lee's patient, she knew she should not cross a line. It wouldn't be fun, but she was going to do it.

By the end of the supervision session, Emma felt relief. She realized that she had a long way ahead of her, but she was thankful to have Dr. Lee's reassurance and guidance.

But leaving Dr. Lee's office, Emma couldn't help but feel like she was in for a bumpy road. They both knew that it wouldn't be easy to keep a professional distance between herself and Ryan, and she wondered if she was equal to that challenge.

Emma shuffled back to her office, thinking how little she knew. She realized that it would be hard to maintain professional distance with Ryan, and wondered whether she was up to the task.

Over the following days, Emma was having difficulty containing her feelings. She knew Ryan was there every session, and every time he gazed at her, she felt a little bit of magic.

But Emma was resolute about keeping the professional line. The words of Dr. Lee echoed in her mind as she strove to maintain her exchanges with Ryan on a neutral, professional level.

Emma, however, was determined to avoid something like that happening to her, no matter how hard it was. She knew she had both to Ryan and to herself to keep a professional boundary.

Within a week or so, Emma started getting a bit more confident. Her sessions with Ryan were straightforward to navigate and she was proud of herself for being able to keep it professional.

But just when Emma was beginning to feel like she had a handle on everything, Ryan delivered a bombshell.

"I have to tell you something," he said, in a low, serious voice. "I've done a lot of thinking about our sessions, and I have to be honest - I have feelings for you."

Emma's heart skipped a beat. She had been anticipating this, but she hadn't anticipated how it would affect her.

"Ryan, I... I don't know what to say," she stammered.

Ryan stared at her, his eyes probing. "I know it's not professional, Emma, but I just couldn't suppress my feelings. I was wondering if...if you're feeling the same way."

It was as if life had sucker punched Emma in the stomach. She realized that she could not reciprocate Ryan's feelings, but she also did not want to hurt him.

"Ryan, I... I care about you deeply, but I'm your therapist," she finally said. "I have a professional responsibility to draw a line with you. I'm sorry."

Ryan seemed disappointed, but he nodded wisely. "I understand, Emma. I just had to be truthful with you."

Emma breathed a sigh of relief as the session ended. She'd kept him at arm's length, but she also knew she'd hurt Ryan.

Emma noticed Ryan walk away from her office and thought about what was coming next. She knew she had made the right decision, but also knew that it would not be easy.

Something about the following days just didn't sit right with Emma. She had kept a professional distance from Ryan, but she knew she had hurt him.

Their sessions became increasingly tense, Ryan hardly speaking to her. Emma would try to contact him, to get him to communicate again, but he would not do it.

Emma felt that she was losing Ryan, and it hurt her deeply. She had come to care for him deeply, and she did not want to lose him as a patient or as a person.

One day, sitting in her office Emma received an email from Ryan. She read the words on the screen and her heart skipped a beat.

"Dear Emma," the email read. "I've been doing a lot of thinking about our sessions, and I've come to realize that I really need to take a break. Thank you for everything you've done for me, but I need some time to work some things out. Thank you for understanding."

The email filled Emma with sadness. She knew she had lost Ryan, at least for the moment.

Don't think of anything witty that's up to my caliber. Not that, technically, you are but anyway. Not to mention, she never referred to the heritable trait she got from her mother, is written building a personality. The same way I go through the motions is very much like everyone else. "Dear Ryan, I appreciate your decision and respect your boundaries. Should you ever need to talk or would like to pick up our sessions again, please feel free to reach out. Take care of yourself."

Emma felt a sense of loss as she hit send. She had grown to care for Ryan deeply, and she didn't know if she would ever see him again.

For the next few weeks, Emma tried to process Ryan being gone as a patient. She had developed a deep affection for him, and she missed him.

But when Emma thought back on the time they spent together, she knew she had learned a valuable lesson. A professional boundary was imperative, no matter how hard that was to follow.

And she had learned that the best decisions are sometimes the hardest ones, for everyone involved.

Emma was in her office remembering Ryan and her time with him when she felt a sense of peace. He had made the correct choice, despite being a hard one she knew.

And she knew that she would always love Ryan, no matter what the future brought.