Chapter 1 Who is Edna Parker An identity crisis.

The wind whistled passed.The rustling of dry leaves made harmonic meditative sounds. The voices of giggles and laughter from the buildings and from the rebellious couples that were still picnicing in the environment even though its passed curfew made it seem like it's everyones favourite place to be at. From afar, a loud shrilling voice can be heard. It sounds far but clear. Its either a cry of agony or a very bad opera singer practicing to hit an octave.

Apart from the shrilling voice,It appeared to be a very beautiful night.

The sound of the voice could be traced to a bench sitted on a park,which seemed like it has completed his glorious years.The environment around the bench were quieter. On the bench,was a girl with her head over the bench and her hands in her hoodie. " Then, who made the noise?". Suddenly,a squirrel ran past and the loud shrilling voice could be heard again.After the squirrel made it way,she stood up. Her long curly black hair could be seen shining under the moonlight. Her tennis shoe moving in alliance with her leg.

With each tracks disappearing one after the other," I can do whatever I want, I can be whatever I chose" a voice which spoke in her head dissipated quietly. She made her way to the bar near her environment. The tropically designed bar door gave way when she turned the knobs. She staggeringly walked to sit near the bar man. Everything seems to be crushing before her eyes like an erupting volcano even her words of affirmation stopped working. Her mother's words on how to be a strong and independent woman kept on repeating but it ceased to matter because of this sad,strong indifferent feeling in her that won't leave even if she told it that she was okay.

Edna parker,who had always wanted to be like her mother or was it her aunt she wanted to be like? She has always worked trying to achieve a normal person successful life that her mother envisioned but now that she has all her mother said is a ' normal person successful life', why does everything feels like its not where its supposed to be.

Her love life had been no better. Each and every of her relationships she breaks because she didnt value love and personal relationship. She felt it made one weaker. She do fulfil her yearning for love by listening to ann's podcast. It made her feel like she is participating in that part of the world. Even her mum, her number one role model, agrees with her that ' love and personal relationships are business where two people come together so they can benfit from each other'. The idea is so stuck on her mind to the extent that she has no friends.

One time, she paid her partner a huge amount of money asking to break up because she knew he had for her what she prolly can't or wouldn't feel."And if love did matter, then why did her parent's who were so lovey-dovey break up?" A scenario she would never understand.

Just like every little kid, Edna has always longed and wanted to love a particular person forever like what her parents had, and like what the society has shown. But it all came crumbling down the days her parents got divorce. With her parents torn and her mum always crying. She thought "what is love if it made you weak?".

From then,she decided to follow only what seems like the reality and the only possibilities. But now what seemed like her realities are crumbling and doesn't seem like it's going to build up again.

A slow tune which could drown or bring up a thought tingled lightly. The voice of Hugo ( the boy who she paid to break up with her) replayed in her head." You're selfish and unlovable because you have always refused to receive the love given to you. Stop being hard on yourself" He said, left, and she never saw him again since that day. "I was so stuck-up" she smiled bitterly while swinging the glass of alcohol lightly. It has been three months since she has finally decided to satisfy the indifferent feeling that weighs her down by quitting her job and trying to focus on herself but still nothing good had turn up. My proud mum was already tired of her 'aimless siesta' like her mum would say. Infact she feel her mum is beginning to lose hope in her.

Her voice small and tired ' maybe it's karma'. If it's I deserve it anyways for using people." Her eyes glistening as she stared at the only audience she had, a man, who looked like he is in his twenties and he was so handsome that she had to say that he was probably one of those people that would have been cast to play one of those handsome fictional Greek god or maybe it was the alcohol. She hit her head maybe she could feel better as she continues her soliloquy.

"I'm not hard on myself" she said defiantly in opposition to the voice replaying in her head or

"was it Hugo who cursed me" she mutter quietly slowly giving in to the alcohol she was taking.

" what is next for Edna now ?" The man Edna has been spilling to ask in curiosity. Edna looked at his inquisitive eyes, picked her step,refusing to answer the question as she begins to walk home.

"let me walk you home" He jolted as Edna did not reply to his question earlier.

She made her way home muttering to herself if the application she submitted to a writing company was going to be accepted. Is it love I I'm searching for or is it happiness? Why can't I figure it out?. Maybe she has figure it out. Because she was stuck on the fact that it was definitely not love she was searching for or needed because its not meant for her." She explained gibberishly to man.

"So you're confused" he smiled.

"What if you end up finding love ?" He asked .

"Why should I? She paused. I'm most likely to end up chugging a glass of wine with my numerous pets. Do you know that my favourite love coach also supported me by saying" if it's not meant for you, it's not meant for you" that's what you want will come to you and what you don't want will not come.She replied as she opened the door to the apartment. The man agreed just to please her even when he knew that she was explaining the poor coach quote wrong.