Chapter 9 Ninth

MARIA.

I hugged myself to warm up a little from the cold wind at the edge of the pier. I liked to go to the place in the late afternoon, sometimes I felt alone and there, near the sea, it was as if I was close to someone. From nature, maybe. Being without a security guard scared me. When a man got very close, he trembled a little and at the same time, being alone, without being a girl surrounded by guards and with the steps monitored, gave me a nice feeling of freedom.

I didn't have a routine, I could do whatever I wanted and be the way I wanted. Some days I would wake up early, other days late, I would go for a walk and learn the art of cooking, which I never made a point of mastering like my sister. I started to exercise, little by little I was gaining strength in the race, without ending up wanting to throw myself in the sand with my tongue out.

Lara's company was vital for me to recover. She was strong and broken. A combination that seemed impossible, but I saw in it a force that any other in her situation would not survive, and her heart was being glued piece by piece. She made me feel normal because I wasn't the same.

Having a friend was amazing. We talked about any subject and I found the courage to tell you what happened on the night of my engagement. It was the first time I really naked my soul with all the pain and cried what I hadn't cried yet. It was the last time I allowed myself to shed tears for that scoundrel.

I was tired of suffering, I promised myself that I would channel my energy into redoing myself. The beach helped a lot. Being in Italy under the intense protection of my father and the sorry look of mom, who didn't know what to do with me, was annoying, made me feel like a victim that I would never have fixed.

I walked back home calmly. A man crossed my path and scared me, making me stumble a few steps. He gave me a convinced look and an apology, deflecting to the beach, where a group of other idiots laughed like hyenas the way I almost fell because of him. My cheeks turned red.

Stupid.

I stopped to cross and across the street, I saw a familiar face. He was leaning against the stone wall, with a pulled coat and hood, with his hands stuck in his pockets and staring at me.

Angelo della morte.

What was he doing there? A bus passed by and he disappeared as if it were just a hallucination. Was it?

That man was also invading my dreams and always saving me. His cold blue eyes were like a beam of light in the darkness of my nightmares. He always arrived before the worst happened and rescued me from the middle of pain and fear. Even so, I woke up panting and sweaty. While I was afraid of bad memories, there was a peace about his presence that enerated me.

Why was I putting him as my hero?

I didn't even know your damn name.

It was so ridiculous that, even if no one knew, it filled me with shame. My subconscious was a joke.

When I got home, Lara was in the shower and I decided I needed to fill my mind with music. I turned on the device in the living room, connecting the most lively playlist I found and took off my coat, starting to dance. She left the room, in fresh clothes and gave me a confused look, as if she wanted to understand my emotions before deciding whether to hospitalize me or just dance with me.

Lara shrugged, perhaps thinking that a little joy would not hurt us and danced around me. Swirling on the living room carpet, at the

Rhythm of the music, we were just two young girls ardently wishing happiness to the point of exploding through the pores. We danced until we became red, sweaty, doing something we didn't do with friends in our adolescence because that carefree joy was denied us.

- Did something happen on the street? - She sat on the couch.

- I just went to look at the sea and I think I saw someone I met. I'm not sure. - I stuck my hair and shok myself. - Shall we go out for dinner? I want to eat something different.

- I'm in. Mexican food?

- I've never tried it. - I shrugged. It was time to expand my palate too. - Maybe I might be in need of something spicy. - I blinked and she laughed, shaking her head to my nonsense.

San Diego was the second most populous city in California, the streets were always full and some neighborhoods were very cheerful, in the beach style. Lara's house was close to a very nice beach, but we both explored the others and dedicated myself to visiting museums, reading about local history and taking pictures in front of monuments. It was important to keep in my memory that experience so common to many, but special to me.

My hair has always been very long, at waist height. I cut an inch above, in a very modern way that even when I didn't brush, I left my curls well arranged. I realized that since I arrived, I almost didn't wear makeup anymore. Just a little mascara and gloss. The sun gave me the natural bronze that I always conquered on the summer vacation in Sardinia and unlike there, I wasn't worrying about being tidy all the time.

Before, I believed that beauty was my doll image and now, I liked my natural face, the shape of my cheeks, my eyes and even the eyelashes that I loved not having to wear fakes. The California air was healing me of so many wounds that I had and didn't know. Living outside was turning me into another woman and I felt so connected to this new version that, for the first time, I was proud of myself.

- You look beautiful. - Anastasia analyzed. - Really beautiful.

- I've always been beautiful. - I hit back, joking. I knew very well what she was saying and my heart warmed up because my sister noticed the difference in me.

- Always. - She smiled and stopped, the baby grumbled a little. I missed holding my nephew and he was growing up very fast. - He's like his father, impressive. - He rolled his eyes and came back to me

Face. - I'm glad you're okay. Mom almost drove me crazy and I heard all kinds of threats from Dad for involving Romano.

- Does your husband know about your relationship with Lara? - I bit my lip and looked at the door of my room, which was open, but my housemate never invaded my space. My curiosity was due to the fact that I still did not know how they met and Lara's involvement with a Russian, natural enemies of the family, was somewhat unusual.

- Romano knows everything about my life as a husband and to what extent he can interfere as a sub-boss, without me slicing his cock. - He gave me a crooked smile.

- He doesn't mind.

- Everything in life has a limit and we both know ours. - She shrugged, enigmatic and annoying like a wife of a sub-boss who had a bit of power. Unlike my mother, my sister got where she thought she should. - Mom doesn't want to ask you, but she bothers me. You want to know when you're going back home.

- What if I don't want to go back?

Anastasia was silent, analyzing me and probably wanting to understand me. I became a puzzle in which the pieces were

Confused and didn't fit in. There was still a lot to find out about myself so I could have a fit. For now, everything was fine.

- Not going back to Italy or not going back to our lives?

- Maybe not for Italy.

I wasn't silly to believe that it would be possible not to go back to the family.

- What are you thinking? What do you want? - Anastasia was firmer. - I need to understand so that I can help you in any way I can.

My shoulders fell.

- I don't know yet. Is my time running out?

- Not for me. I can deal with mom, and let me know when you find out what you want, so that Romano and I can do something.

- Thank you, sister. And thank Romano for being an incredible brother-in-law.

Anastasia gave a funny smile.

- If he wants sex, he will do what I want. - He pretended to take a thread out of his clothes, all arrogant, which made me laugh very hard. They didn't hide the sexual chemistry. Being alone in the house with them was like being totally sailing.

- Stop being silly. Go enjoy that the baby slept. - I uncrossed my legs, tired of the butterfly position in the middle of the bed. - I love you.

- I love you so much more. - She smow a kiss and ended the call.

I leaned back on the bed, crossing my fingers on each other and stared at the ceiling, thinking that I should send a message to calm my mother and ask me to have a little more patience. She didn't understand my need to be away, just as she never understood Anastasia's removal at the beginning of her marriage.

I understood my sister, everything was new, she needed to concentrate and dedicate herself to the unknown in front of her and the zeal of our parents would not help at all.

At the moment, I needed more time. I loved my parents and I loved myself. They had each other and would always protect me, but I needed to discover my place in the world, regardless of them. I picked up my phone and sent a message for my mother to have a calm heart that we would see each other soon.

One day I would come home, but maybe it wasn't to live there.