Chapter 8 Eighth

MARIA.

Nena gave me a tight hug, with her eyes full of tears. I kissed the top of her head, before seeing her get into my family's car and be taken to Sardinia. She no longer had living relatives, I asked Anna to receive her at one of Lucca's properties, and help her with her studies and guidance in life.

I took everything I had in my bank account and gave it to her. The family would certainly send her to work at someone else's house, because she was already an almost adult teenager and they would soon find a husband, who perhaps was not what she needed at the time. Nena thanked me very much. I didn't ask my father's opinion, much less what my mother would do to help.

I did what I thought was right: I freed a girl from our life.

I didn't have that choice. She was the daughter of a sub-boss. A Bracci.

I watched the car disappear through the streets and went back into the house. My bags were ready and my father would take me to the airport. It was the first time I would step on one, because all my trips were private.

Dad was getting ready to leave and my mother approached, crying.

- Don't make that face, mom.

- If that's what you need to be my girl again, it's okay. Call me every day, send me a message and take care of yourself. - He hugged me tightly. I wanted to tell her that I would never be myself again, but I didn't want our farewell to be so sad. - Always remember that there is a family that loves you.

As long as my family thought I was suffering from the end of the engagement, everything was fine. What I could preserve my parents from what was really happening inside me, I would do. I gently got rid of the hug and took the backpack. I was taking a medium-sized suitcase, certain that I could buy more clothes in the city, since I had nothing to fit.

My patricinha clothes needed to be in my closet.

I didn't want my father to wait for my boarding. With a lot of cost, he left me at the airport door and I had to guide myself to know which way I should go. Resabiated, I avoided asking for information, I researched it before leaving home and looked at all the signs. I found my boarding gate and it was very strange to be alone.

I've always been with guards. I never had to open doors, hold my own luggage and turn around. It was a weird emotion, I was scared, anxious and full of expectations. I found my place and an elderly lady sat next to me with a gentle smile. She tried to talk and I answered politely, but Anastasia's recommendations burned in my mind.

The flight was long. Sore. I read it, I ate, I made the connection a little nervous, even needing to run and when I finally landed thousands of hours later, my eyes were red from crying and my eyelids swollen. My hair was stuck, tangled and I never felt so similar to my sister as at that moment. Not caring about the appearance, because there was something beyond my need to be perfect. Destroyed and tired, it defined me well.

I followed the line from the landing until I left in a large lobby. I looked around, watching people and took my suitcase. I didn't need a cart. I had the address where to go, but I had never taken a taxi in my life. My father gave me money, dollars, everything exchanged. Anastasia said to put part in the bra so that, if something happened, I wouldn't be totally decapitalized.

My mind created the worst scenarios, but I pushed them aside.

A young woman stopped in front of me and I recognized her immediately. She was beautiful in person. Long dark brown hair, expressive light eyes and a beauty that made it clear that it was not American. Anastasia didn't give me details about who she was, I didn't know

As they knew each other since Lara was not from the family[12]. My sister said to trust and I did.

Shy, I took a step forward.

- Hi! You're Lara.

- If I say yes, is there a way to prove that I'm not? - He joked and I blushed. I gave her her name. - I'm Lara.

- Thank you for coming to pick me up.

- Welcome.

I never imagined that one day I would be in California. It was not a territory totally commanded by the family. There were probably associates, but it wasn't like in my country. Lara took me to the parking lot, where her car was and put the suitcase in the back seat. There were so many different people, that I was trying to walk without being like an idiot noticing everyone.

On the way, she was showing me some things. Lara had only been there for some time, but she looked like a person who managed to adapt

Right to the place.

Her look made me sure that we would arrive well and played a lively song on the local radio. She drove to a neighborhood of cheerful streets and stopped at a very beautiful house.

I don't know why I imagined she would live in a cramped apartment, but maybe Lara was well related. I was curious and would not ask questions, I would like to meet her naturally and hoped that we would be friends. Besides my sister, I had no one to talk to.

- Feel free, I'll show you the house and after you rest, I'll take you to a restaurant nearby that is very fun and has good food.

The house was decorated very beautiful and cozy. My room was large and fresh. I left my suitcase in the corner, told my family that I was fine and I was very well received. Despite my mother's many questions, I went to take a shower, needing to refresh myself and take a nap.

For the first time, there was a range of new unknown opportunities in front of me and I was very anxious for everything I would experience. I would enjoy every second. It wouldn't be forever. At some point, when I didn't know when, my name and my responsibilities for being a family woman would attract me back to Italy like a moth. It was a natural course of my life.

After my necessary nap, I left the room as quietly as possible and found Lara in the living room with a book on her lap. She was covered with a thin quilt, looking contemplative with the story and gave me a cozy smile. I was never the sensitive or extremely emotional type, but I was very grateful that she opened the doors of her house to me.

- Rested? Hungry?

- I didn't imagine it was so tiring. It was a totally new experience. - I approached and sat in the armchair, not wanting to invade your space on the couch. - How does my sister know you?

Lara gave me an enigmatic smile.

- Life has very confusing paths, with people we never imagine knowing. Anastasia is one of those people.

If she and my sister didn't want to talk, that's fine. Anastasia would never put me in danger.

My first days in San Diego were calm. The peace I needed. Of all the agreements to be able to be alone there, my father did not allow me to get a job. It wasn't for the money, but so that I didn't create a routine, making it easy to monitor myself. Particularly, there were so many cool things to do in the city that I didn't care at all about not having a job.

My English was terrible and I counted on Lara's help to teach me how to communicate better.

Walking on the beach in the late afternoon was one of my favorite moments. I dipped my feet and felt the delicious texture of the wet sand between my fingers. I always bought an ice cream cone when I got home. I took a taste for reading, going out of the novels water with sugar to books that brought me reflections on life. As the days went by, I realized that I wanted more.

Secretly, I wanted an overwhelming love, breathtaking, turn my head, but I didn't want only that. In recent months, I have learned the importance of being whole, finding out who I am and fighting for what I want. I was sure it could be more than a doll in the arms of a family man. He deserved more.

The nightmares still haunted me and filled my nights. I woke up sweaty, panting, feeling the hands of that disgusting man on my neck.

I got out of bed, with a little heat and needing to calm down. It was no use doing a mantra that he was dead and could never hurt me again. The memory came in waves, every night, as well as the

Critical moment of my engagement party. Sometimes, it was as if the two were touching me and I was silent, without asking for help.

I opened the refrigerator and drank some water, turned around and got scared when I saw Lara sitting in a chair next to the balcony, with a mug in her hand. She seemed to have jumped out of bed with the same warmth and dread as me, in a mess that only those who had a scary nightmare conquered without really wanting to.

- Bad night? - she asked.

- Trying to forget really bad things.

- I understand. - He smiled, but it wasn't like his normal smiles. She looked broken. - Do you want company until you feel sleepy again?

- I'd love to.

We went to the couch, each one lay on one side and shared the quilt that was there, for the days of movie and popcorn. We don't talk about the

Our bad dreams, but we talked about his story with a Russian[13]. Somehow, we built a call and your presence brought me security to go back to sleep.