Chapter 4 The Wedding Night

YENISSE

It gets harder every second. I presume this is one percent of what I am going to suffer for the rest of my life. I want to melt and become one with the earth.

The wedding reception is happening right now and it is full of fake smiles, kisses, dance of feign joy and pretense. Jude and I spend the rest of the day celebrating our new fictitious commitment. What a cruel illusion!

Right after the reception is over, he takes me home. His home. The wedding activities took place in the Wellingtons Estate so it didn't take minutes for him to get us to his place.

"Yenisse Wellington, welcome home," he says.

Wellington? I'm now a Wellington, even though I don't believe that. I am about to open my mouth wide in surprise but a small smile escapes my lips instead.

I become paralyzed for a moment before proceeding inside with him. The wandering stares on me from the staff is enough to know I am not the bride they were expecting but I am not going to pay attention to that. They are the least of my worries.

When we get to the living room, Jude leaves me for a few seconds and returns with a bottle of alcoholic wine.

"Wanna share a drink?" He holds the neck of the bottle with one hand and two glasses with the other while working toward me.

"No, I'm not interested." That's the first time I'm speaking to him today. My first words to him, excluding the vows and the wedding protocols. And I mean I'm not interested in anything, in whatever this charade our parents forced us into.

"I thought you might want to drink out the misery swirling within you." He sets the glasses before us.

I let out a soft chuckle, "that sounds like a good idea." If only I can drink to erase today. Not the wedding night I definitely envision for myself and it upsets me more.

He uncorks the wine and pours into the glasses and hands one to me.

"Thank you," I say.

He clinks his to mine and says, "To us."

I scoff, "there is no us." And there will never be.

"Everyone else would disagree." He takes a sip of his wine.

"How about Jude, what is his verdict?" I need to hear this, to know what he is thinking.

"Whatever Yen's decision is," he answers politely.

"So you don't have a mind of your own?" He is disappointing if that's the case. I see why we are here in the first place.

"I know this is torment for you and I'm certainly not enjoying this as well," he voices.

Okay, now I am fully interested in what he has to say.

"So why did you agree to this? Why did you let them do this to us?" I am pot about to boil over. It seems like he didn't even try to turn it down. Heaven knows, I did my best to escape this fate but my best was not enough. But at least I tried.

"Reasons best known to me," he states.

"Really? Are we doing that now?"

"I don't owe you an explanation. I really don't."

I arch my eyebrow. "They made me sacrificed my whole fucking life to exist in the same space with you, what would you know about that? Nothing! What did you lose? Well, nothing! Your bride disappears, you got another one. Easy for you to feel good but definitely not me. I am here today because of you. If only you had said no, we wouldn't be here."

"And what did you do? Show up in a wedding gown, looking so adorable yet I'm the one to blame for everything."

"If a man wasn't abandoned at the altar, I wouldn't have shown up in that white dress. You think I enjoyed being here as whatever I am right now, this is torment for me but I guess that word doesn't exist for you."

"You're the very last person I want to be with right now so don't think too highly of yourself and assume that I'm so joyful having you here with me."

My eyes narrows and my hand tightens it's hold on the glass. "I knew you were always an asshole but I didn't know you were this infuriating. Gosh! Is that why Diana abandoned you?"

"You know nothing about my relationship with your sister so don't speak of it." He explodes in anger.

"I will" I emphasize, "because I am left to fill up her shoes. I want nothing to do with you, Jude. I just want to go back to my normal life. Oh my God!" I take my purse and heels, "I'm so done with this shit show. There is no hope for the both of us and there will never be." I start to walk towards the door.

Jude runs and stops me, "Look, I know you don't want to be here and I don't want to be here as well with you, at least not this way. But here we are."

"As?"

"What they want us to be."

"And what do they want us to be?"

"Husband and wife, Yen. A married couple."

"How about what we want? Or is that what you want?"

Oh my God! What is wrong with this man? Are all the men cowards? Or is it just Jude and Oliver?

"What we want doesn't matter right now." He yells but my expression makes him pause and soften his tone. "I would never treat a woman badly. I know we both don't love each other. How about for now, let's just pretend for months, give them what they want, a beautiful show and then we get a divorce later."

"Yes! I was about to say that. I'm sure our parents would agree when they both see how worse things are between us." I totally agree with the divorce, that was my plan all along but somehow, I am not pleased with the idea that a man will marry me and think of divorce on the wedding night.

"Exactly, so fear not, I'm totally not interested in you." He delivers the words with a rigid, emotionless cadence.

Ouch! That hurts! No woman wants to hear that from a man. He didn't even let the wedding night vanish before showing his venomous self.

"Neither am I interested in you." I am angry. I don't know why but I am. It's not like I want him to be interested in me.

"Good! Now we have both clarified that. Still drinking?"

"No, I'm tired. I want to rest." There are so many things I want to ask, to understand why his bride would run away but I am too exhausted, I have had enough for one day.

"Okay, let me show you to the room." He leads the way and I follow behind.

"Here," he pauses by the door and holds the door handle, staring at me.

I nod and he opens it and his eyes follow me as I walk in.

The room is luxurious and grand but I'm exhausted and rageful to admire it. My gaze is drawn to the decorations that seem to mock me - the delicate flowers, the love balloons hanging and dangling from the ceiling, the soft rose petals that form a heart shape on the bed and the elegant writing that reads, "Welcome home Diana Wellington...."

I can't continue to take in the writings any further. My rage boils over, "you decorated the room for her, didn't you? For my sister, the one who was supposed to be your wife, not me!" I never took him to be a romantic. I'm impressed and mad at the same time.

He looks taken back. "I didn't mean to hurt you, I just totally forgot and there was no time to change it..."

I cut him off, each word saturated in spite. "You didn't have time? You didn't have time to consider my feelings, to think about the fact that I'm the one who's been forced to marry you, not her!"

His eyes are apologetic, "I'm so sorry, I'll send my housekeeper to clean this up, please..."

It's not his fault, I shouldn't blame him but I am beyond consolation and my hurt and pain is overflowing like a stormy sea.

With that, I storm out of the room. I can hear him chanting my name, "Yen! Yen! Yen!" But I don't turn. I just continue walking forward.

Nothing about today feels good. If I was a seer and the puppeteer of the universe, today wouldn't have been in existence.