Chapter 5 Wedding nights are for war and tears

YENISSE

Tears raining down my cheeks, if this isn't hell, then I am a liar. I get to the living room and settle on the couch for a second. Then, I get up, scatter my hair and pace around for a few seconds and then find my way out to the entrance door. I need some air, here is suffocating.

I can hear footsteps behind me.

"Yen, yen, where do you think you're going to?" Jude voice rings behind me as I push open the door and step out.

"Where I can free of this torture," I reply. My voice is full of emotions.

"And where is that?"

"Anywhere far from you." I answer.

"You can't escape me, Yen. Everywhere in the world is full of me, you turn to every corner, you will feel, see and hear of Jude Wellington. So what are you going to do?"

What a way to brag!

"Just leave me alone." Proud asshole.

He is so rich, handsome, powerful and influential that everyone and places sing praises of him. He holds an overwhelming presence in everyone's life and everything on earth, both living or non-living, breathes and lives for him. So even if I am far away from him, I'll still be close to him.

"Please don't go, please," he pleads and grabs my wrist as I turn to walk away.

My eyes trail his hand on my wrist and I say, "give me reasons why I should stay?"

"Because you're my wife," he utters with so much confidence that I am almost convinced for a second that he is my man - the one who heard the music of my soul and I tasted the sweetness of his love. But I cannot be swoon by mere empty words.

My eyes settle on the wrist grasp again and then meet his gaze and return back to the wrist grasp and he lets go of my wrist.

"It's just a name. Get over it, Jude. It's not like there's any hope for us."

"It might be just a name but that name carries so much power that it commands you to be by my side at all times. And I cannot leave you to go away like this knowing you bear that name, so please stay. I need you to stay."

"The truth is, I can't stay here," My tone teeters on the edge of emotions. "You forgot to get rid of those decorations before taking me to the room because you saw me as Diana and you really wanted it to be her. I also wanted it to be her too, I still do. I can't keep living in my sister's shadow, filling in for her like some kind of substitute. Just a few hours of living it has destroyed me already. You will always see her when you look at me. I'll be but a portal mirror through which you see that which you truly desire. I'll never be more than just a pale imitation, just a reminder of what you really wanted."

No one wants to be married to a man who never had any genuine interest in you and now sees you as a reflection of someone he truly desired.

Oliver is the man whom I desire, the man who loves me for me. I need him, not Jude. Jude is not for me and I will never be more than what I am to him.

"That's not fair," he protests. "I married you, not your sister and I'll fulfill my duty as your husband."

"Really?" I chuckle. This man must be a joker. "Then why did you leave her memory lingering everywhere?"

He sighs, rubbing his temple, "I didn't mean to hurt you. I just... like I said, there was no time. Please, you need to rest, it's late and you have had a long day today."

"There is no rest for me in there." That is the truth.

"The room has been cleared. If you're not comfortable there, there is another room available," he offers.

"And why should I listen to you?"

"Because neither of us wanted this and I am in as much pain as you are."

The honesty in his glassy eyes is visible to me, and it makes me listen to him. We go back in and he shows me to a different room. I hesitate for a moment before moving past him, into the room.

"Make yourself at home, I understand your things aren't here yet but I'll make sure to bring them for you by tomorrow. Feel free to use anything you want and there are a few dresses selected out for you in case you need them." he declares.

I swallow a lump before saying, "thank you."

How can he be so thoughtful? He makes me not want to hate him. "Please be the jerk I know," I scream in my head. I am not changing my mind about him anytime soon, not in this lifetime and not in another.

"I'll let you get comfortable first, I'll join you later," he voices.

I look at the bed I am sitting on and revert my gaze back to him. "I'm sorry, you said what?" I don't think I heard him correctly. Something must be wrong with my eardrums.

"Never mind, have a goodnight rest. I'll see you in the morning." He turns and disappears instantly after those words leave his mouth.

I blow air from my mouth and fall onto the bed, if this is a nightmare, please Yenisse Billing wake up.

My phone beeps and the screen lights up and I give my attention to it. Shit! Oliver! My heart jumps in my chest. I have not forgotten about him, I am just in a more messed up situation. And I am still angry with him. He couldn't even do something about this situation. What does he want? Isn't today scornful enough?

The text reads, "I'm by your window."

I jump up immediately. How did he get into the Wellingtons Estate? How about the securities? Impossible! He must really love me to pull that off despites the risk. He has come to save me. Or I am just delusional because I am looking through the window right now and Oliver is not there.

No difference from the hopeless hope I was having during the wedding. He proves me wrong again and again. If what we had wasn't love, what was it?

Love will never give up, love will always fight for us.

Then my phone lights up again and it was Oliver again, "You couldn't see me right? That's how absent I'll be in your life for the rest of eternity. Did you even look at the window to be sure? If you did, let's have coffee tomorrow so we can fill the absence with my present you so intensely yearn for."

The next text, "I just miss you so much and it breaks my heart to know you're another man's wife instead of mine. When we meet tomorrow, let's reverse time so I can marry you right away before this day comes into existence."

The tears again! I'll cry myself dry before I see the light of the day.