Chapter 1 My Life

"I want us to break up, Iz, I already accepted Rama's proposal!"

Faiz was surprised when I told him that. Even though I knew he was holding a ring to propose, I reluctantly let go of the year-long bond that we have been living.

"It's not fair for me, Nai. We should have gotten engaged by the end of this year. You shouldn't take the responsibility of taking care of Mira. We love each other, right?" asked Faiz with wide eyes.

"Destiny, Iz. My sister died, my nephew is still kid. If I hadn't married my brother-in-law, he would have moved my nephew away from here. My parents asked me to marry Rama."

I held his hand tightly as I looked down. "I'm sorry, Iz."

Without another word, Faiz left me. A unilateral decision that I didn't want.

One month later, I married Rama, my brother-in-law to be a mother to Mira, his daughter.

Happy?

No, I wasn't. I regret a lot, including the material and freedom I gave up for this marriage.

*

A year later...

I was already four months pregnant while taking care of my little daughter. I was also still working as a pharmacy attendant just to supplement my monthly income.

Only half of the salary Rama gave me. The rest? He keeps it for his own needs.

"Next month, you don't need to cater for mother anymore, Nai."

Rama talked to me after arriving home after picking me up from work. Just as I wanted to undress because it was hot, he complained that it was because I couldn't cook during pregnancy.

"Six hundred thousand rupiahs a month is a lot, Nai! I only eat dinner, I don't go home during the day. Just cook, it's more economical."

"I can't do it yet, I'm still nauseous. Besides, six hundred thousand rupiahs is already cheap. If I shop by myself, not to mention oil, spices, chili and others. It's already delicious, you just have to eat. I just cook rice in the rice cooker."

I deliberately showed a wry smile just to make Rama realize that I didn't want to comply with his wishes. Yes, how could he know the difficulty of this pregnancy? Not just nausea, my back hurts all over. Lying down to rest is difficult.

"Besides, if I cook, how will I shop? Do you want to take me to the market to shop? I'm also having trouble finding the ingredients. The market lately has been muddy, flooded, I'm afraid of slipping."

"Yes, ask the Putri to take you! I'm working, right? Besides, you have a motorcycle but someone else uses it. It's a waste. You know you don't need a motorcycle loan, just save the money to buy gold. It can be an investment."

Rama left me after the argument. He must have gone to meet his friend at the café for coffee and peanuts while watching the ball on the television screen there.

I sat limply on the chair, letting the tears fall with a tight heart. Yes, the motorcycle that I bought when I was single, is now being used by my sister everyday because of my mother's request.

Kling! An incoming message popped up on the screen. The new number listed there.

[Assalamu'alaikum, Naina. It's me, Faiz. How are you? You're well, right? I didn't want to disturb you, I just wanted to ask how you were doing. Yesterday I dreamt that you were sick, so I was worried.]

My heart was beating violently. Faiz, the one I forced to retreat in his struggle when I decided to accept my brother-in-law's proposal.

"Faiz."

He is the past that I gave up in order to marry Rama. The throbbing I feel now is not because I still love him.

I still feel guilty towards Faiz regarding our past story. Yes, it's not right to make him wait, I just reply to the greeting message to calm his heart.

[Waalaikum salam. Alhamdulillah, I'm well, Iz. Thank you.]

I don't want to ask again so that there is no continuation of this chat to avoid unwanted things.

[Alhamdulillah. Stay healthy, Nai. I wish you happiness.]

Happy. Every wife wants that in her life.

Honestly, my household is also happy. Moreover, I have Mira and am now pregnant. Married without love and also because of the demands of fate. I tried to be sincere. However, money always creates problems.

I put the phone down after sending a message to Rama. Not forgetting beforehand, I deleted the chat history from Faiz so that there would be no misunderstanding later.

[What time do you get home? I'm sleepy. I'll lock it from inside. You have the key, right?"]

Only read, without reply.

*

Sunday morning at the end of the month. After I had eaten breakfast, I started to clean up to leave.

Rama who saw me getting ready, then asked, "Where are you going, Nai?"

"I'm going to my mother's house. Just for a while."

"Mira is taking me out for a walk later this afternoon. Later-"

"Use your money! I don't have any more money, I haven't gotten paid from the pharmacy yet!" I snapped, closing the door to go to my mother's house.

When I got there, I saw my mother and father sitting on the terrace enjoying tea and coffee. There was no Putri, I don't know where she went so early with my motorcycle.

"What are you doing, Nai?" asked my father.

I smiled while kissing the hands of my father and mother. "Nothing. There's just something I want to talk to you a little bit. About my bike."

I carefully told them about my desire to sell the bike.

"Let it be used by Putri. When she gets a job and has her own money, she can buy a new one," my mother said.

"But my bike broke down, the price went down. Don't you feel sorry for me?"

"You're already married. The money is your husband's problem. Why bother? I don't know, I'm too lazy to talk about it."

My mother left me and my father with a worried heart. Where did I go wrong? I was just demanding my rights. Can't she understand?