Chapter 4 Boy or Girl

"Whether it's a boy or a girl, it's a blessing from Allah. Both are equal and should be appreciated. Who knows, we might still have a son one day."

My heart felt at ease as my father-in-law responded, coming in from outside. He joined us, and I smiled as I respectfully kissed his hand.

"How are you feeling, Nai? Don't worry about it! Do you really think we control the child's gender? That's all fate," he said reassuringly.

"But, Father, having a son is lucky," my mother-in-law insisted. Rama didn't seem to care and was just busy with his phone. Yes, he, too, was disappointed about the baby I was carrying. I felt a surge of frustration but had no one to confide in.

"What do you mean by 'lucky,' Mother? Does that mean daughters don't bring good fortune?" I asked, curious.

"Did your own mother feel unlucky when she found out she was having you? You're a girl, aren't you?"

I held back a laugh as Father started to grumble at Mother. Maybe he realized that her disappointment in their future granddaughter was starting to upset me.

"That's not what I meant, Father. Sons are bound to their parents by destiny. It's different for daughters who, once married, are taken away and become their husband's responsibility. When we're old, too sick to earn money for food, it's the son who'll stand by us and support us."

Is that how she saw sons? Did she think Rama would shoulder all responsibility for her and Father until they were old? I took a deep breath, ready to make my case to my mother-in-law. I gently rubbed my belly, wanting to defend this unborn child; even if she was a daughter, she'd be a blessing to her parents.

"But, Mother, you shouldn't underestimate daughters. Daughters are more attentive than sons. If we fall ill in our old age, it's usually the daughter who takes care of us. Sons? They're busy with work all day and, once married, they have their own families to take care of. That's why having many daughters is a good thing," I said, frustrated.

Father just smiled as he listened to my complaints. Rama still didn't care, just shaking his head and grabbing a piece of bika ambon in front of us.

"But, Nai, just so you know. After marriage, a daughter's paradise lies with her husband. She has to obey whatever he says. If her husband forbids her from caring for her parents, what can she do? If she disobeys her husband, it's a sin, right?"

Father signaled that I didn't need to keep debating. There was truly no winning an argument against my strong-willed mother-in-law.

As Rama started his motorcycle outside, getting ready to leave, my mother-in-law called out. Reluctantly, I waited a moment. My heart was uneasy as I thought about leaving Mira for too long.

Since they were taking too long, I went inside to find Rama. My heart sank as I overheard their conversation in the kitchen.

"Think it over again, Ram. Just marry someone else in secret if your wife won't approve. Come on! Naina is still young, 28 years old. But you're already 40, getting older. How long are you going to wait for a son?"

Rama didn't respond to his mother's passionate suggestion. A secret marriage? Did Mother even realize what she was suggesting? It wasn't that I wasn't hurt, but I was more concerned with my emotional and mental well-being during pregnancy. Just wait! Once this little one is born and I have more freedom, I'll deal with all these problems.

I quickly left before they could notice I was there. The motorcycle rode slowly on our way home. First, I had to pick up Mira from my mother's place.

A son. The conversation lingered into dinner. Rama finally voiced his thoughts, the ones he'd been holding back. Perhaps he'd been thinking about it ever since his talk with Mother.

"You're right, Nai. I'm getting older. It's unlikely you'll get pregnant again anytime soon. We'd have to wait at least three years, until the little one is a bit more independent. But, even then, there's no guarantee it'll be a boy."

By now, my heart and ears were burning from hearing all the talk about having a son. I quickly went to the bedroom, grabbed a photo that Faiz had given me, and threw it onto the table near him.

"Fine, go ahead and marry someone else to have a son. With who? This woman?"

Rama was silent, staring at the photo with a surprised expression. His mouth stayed shut, ignoring my anger.

"Who is she, Ram? Who is this woman? Are you involved with her?"

Rama got up, then gently touched my head, smiling.

"She's a client, Nai. Nobody special. Come on! I'm sorry for hurting you. I won't bring up the idea of having a son again, okay?"

My heart felt heavy. This unborn child, whom I already loved so much, wasn't even wanted. I was afraid something would go wrong since no one was grateful for her presence.

"I'm sorry. Please, don't stress anymore. We don't want our little one here to get upset and make you sick. Just rest," Rama coaxed as he gently touched my belly.

I wasn't silent because I believed that woman was a client. I just wanted to focus on my pregnancy. It wouldn't be long before our little one would be born.

"Mom, could you watch Mira for a bit? I need to go to the bank," I said to my mother.

I dropped Mira off at her house that morning.

"You're almost due, yet you're still going out a lot," Mom grumbled.

"Well, I've started an online business, Mom. My ATM card got blocked, so I'm withdrawing cash instead. I need money to buy baby supplies."

It was only five minutes to the bank by public transport. While waiting in line, I handed Rama's passbook to customer service for checking. Maybe last month's overtime pay had come in.

"Here you go, Ma'am."

I took the book and sat down to wait. My hands trembled. The salary amount was different than expected. All this time, Rama had been handing me his salary in an envelope. He was the one who'd withdraw it with his ATM card.

"Five million rupiahs?"

For the past six months, his salary had increased to five million, while I'd only been receiving three million.

It wasn't about the money; it was about honesty. Where did the extra two million go each month over these six months?

Ding! A message from Putri popped up on my phone. Her chat left me stunned.

[Sis, could I have Faiz's number?]

My younger sister suddenly asked about my ex. What did she need him for? A call from Putri came through. My mother's voice answered.

"Nai, send Faiz's number to Putri's phone."

"For what, Mom?"

"Just send it. Don't ask too many questions."

"I need to know first, Mom. It doesn't feel right to give Faiz's number to someone else."

"Someone else? She's your own sister, Nai. I want her to get closer to Faiz. Wouldn't it be wonderful if he became my son-in-law? He's wealthy, Nai. Drives a Pajero."

A storm of emotions surged in my heart. What were they thinking? The man I'd left behind out of duty to marry my brother-in-law-would he now become my brother-in-law?