Chapter 2 About My Ex

Father looked at me with sorrow. I wished he would stand by my side and understand the struggle in my heart at this moment.

"Later, I'll ask your mother for the vehicle registration certificate. Alright, don't think about it too much. You're pregnant, don't stress. But why are you suddenly asking about the motorcycle? Are finances tight? Is something going on with Rama's work? Any issues?"

I just shook my head. I didn't want to reveal my household finances to my father, afraid it would become a burden on his mind. I felt like my daily allowance wasn't enough, but for Rama, it didn't seem to bother him.

"No, it's not like that, Dad. I'm just worried if my motorcycle gets damaged or lost, it would stress me out, you know? I was thinking of selling it as savings."

After that, I said goodbye to go home. Just a moment later, at the street corner, I ran into my friend, Linda. That pretty girl must have just finished jogging around the neighborhood to keep her body fit.

"Got nothing to do? Come have chicken porridge with me!" she invited.

We cooled off for a bit at the chicken porridge stall not far from my house. Linda smiled as she placed a bowl of chicken porridge in front of me.

"Here, for the beautiful mom-to-be. You need to eat plenty, no stressing."

"But I already ate at home, Lin," I said. Still, who could resist the rich taste of the broth from our favorite chicken porridge place?

"For my little niece or nephew!"

We spent a few moments joking around. After she finished her bowl, she looked me in the eye with her narrowed gaze.

"What?" I asked, curious.

"I ran into Faiz at the mall yesterday."

I choked a bit while sipping the iced sweet tea that had been soothing my throat.

"And?" I asked, pretending to be nonchalant. He had just texted me last night, and now Linda was bringing him up.

"When you turned him down back then, he went to work in Jakarta at his aunt's place. I was surprised to run into him yesterday. He said he's been reassigned to Medan. Back to his old home."

I didn't want to ask any more questions, so I just pursed my lips and said a short "oh." Linda knew I didn't want to discuss him. I was already married; Faiz was in the past. It wasn't right to talk about another man.

"It seems he's even more successful now. I heard he got promoted to manager at the showroom where he works. Probably even more girls chasing after him. Handsome, wealthy, and a great career."

"Well then, why don't you go for it? You're single, after all."

"Oh, I'll hold out for a bit longer. Maybe I'll settle down at 35," she laughed heartily.

"Don't say that! You never know with fate."

Yes, fate is part of destiny. How, back then, Faiz and I were committed to each other with plans for marriage, and suddenly my world changed when my brother passed away in the hospital. My life's path quickly reversed. Rama, whom I'd always seen as an older brother since I didn't have one, suddenly made me feel awkward when everyone started whispering and suggesting I marry him. It was fate that brought me to this moment.

*

"How about it? Is Mom okay with it?"

I just shrugged, no answer. I spent my time daydreaming while inviting Mira to go for a walk on the beach this afternoon. Fortunately, the weather was a bit more favorable.

The little one was sitting, happily playing with sand, holding a small bucket and shovel. I sat on a blue mat beside Rama, who was busy grilling corn for a snack later.

"There's no answer yet, but Dad will convince her. If you look at it, she probably doesn't agree."

"Then just ask for the key from Putri, what's so difficult? Later, Dad will take the it from Mom. Don't make it complicated, I'll help sell it."

"What if Mom doesn't want to sell it?" I asked, worried.

"Let's see. If Mom doesn't want to sell it, how about I sell my motorbike instead? Then I'll use your motorbike for work. So, your motorbike will just stay here at home."

I remained silent for a while, then looked at my husband who was applying sauce and curry seasoning to the corn, while the others were just glazed with sugar water to make it sweeter for little Mira.

"Then, what about the money from selling your motorbike? For whom?"

"Well, I'll save it for our future. I bought my motorbike on installments. Even though I'm very attached to that motorbike, but for you, it's okay if I sell it. It's better than you stressing about your motorbike being used carelessly by Putri, right?"

"Let's see!"

I spent a calm Sunday playing with sand and water with my little daughter. Since my stomach wasn't big yet, I tried to spend as much time moving and playing with her. Maybe in two or three months, even sleeping would become harder.

"Do you want corn, dear?" Rama asked, approaching his little one with a grilled corn on his hand.

"Yes, Dad!"

Her laughter competed with the ringtone from my phone. A message came in from Faiz. This time, he sent me a picture message, which made me stare in disbelief.

[This is your husband, right? I didn't come to your wedding, but I'm sure it's him. Sorry, I don't mean to interfere, just curious.]

My heart raced when I saw the picture. It was a photo of Rama holding the shoulder of a beautiful woman in a red dress that showed off her beautiful curves. They were standing very close, their gazes locked on one point.

[Oh, yes. That's my husband. Why? That was just his younger sibling going to the office to deliver lunch.]

Even though I was wondering and suspicious about the photo, I didn't want Faiz to interfere with my marriage. Not because I was ashamed, but why should a stranger know about this?

Before deleting the message history from Faiz, I saved that photo in a file vault, which required a code to access. One day, I would investigate this. Could it be that Rama has another woman?

"Mom!"

Mira's call startled me. She quickly ran up to me, offering a piece of sweet corn to my lips.

"It's delicious, Mom. I like it."

I took a bite of the corn from her hand. "Yes, it's delicious. Dad's good at cooking."

"Yes, it's burnt, but still good."

Rama just smiled while continuing his work. Rama, that man, he who has a sweet and handsome smile. I always felt my heart skip when he showed his smile with his dimple.

For a moment, that photo disturbed my heart. Who was that woman? And also, when we married, did Rama truly fall in love with me?

"Do you love me more now than you loved Dian?"

Rama froze when I approached and asked him that question. He stared at me for a brief moment, then returned to focusing on the corn in his hands.

"Why do you suddenly ask that?" he asked, indifferent.

"Just answer. What's so hard about it?"

"If yes, then why? If not, then why? Besides, what does it matter? How could you be jealous of someone who has passed away?"

Rama didn't answer me again. It wasn't about my late sister, but about his heart. Maybe it was okay if he still loved her. But there was a slight suffocation in my chest if, in reality, he married me out of obligation. For Mira, his daughter who needed a mother figure.

"You've never told me during our marriage that you love me, Nai."

Rama's words startled me. He exhaled roughly, walking past me after placing the corn plate on the blue mat. This time, he picked up the green coconut he had bought earlier outside and opened it to serve to us.

"It's not about me, but about your heart. You sacrificed your single life to become Mira's mother. So what matters most is your heart. There are many issues in marriage. Many couples choose to stay together because they love each other. So love is the foundation, Nai. For me, your feelings are still unclear."

My lips were sealed tight. Those words kept echoing in my heart. This is my little family, a love that I build every second to keep holding on to emotions that are out of control.