Chapter 4 ♡♡♡♡♡

Chapter Two ♡

Meg Miller ♡

Half an hour later, I arrive at college and find the campus practically empty. I'm late again. However, today I have zero desire to attend any classes. To be honest, I didn't even want to get out of bed. Today is not a good day, and I don't feel like doing anything. I immediately think of the friend I made here, wondering if he has arrived yet, but knowing him the way I do, he's probably still on his way. I open the pocket of my backpack and take out my cellphone, quickly sending a message and receiving a prompt response:

"Meg, have you arrived yet?"

"No, Meg, I'm almost there. I overslept."

"I'm not doing well. Want to go to our usual spot? I need to talk..."

"Sure, Meg, I need to talk too."

"Okay, I'll wait for you there. Don't take too long."

"Relax, babe, I'm almost there."

I hang up my phone and put it in the back pocket of my pants. I walk among the huge trees that occupy the campus lawn and head towards one that is more secluded. I sit near the tree and lean against it, waiting for Bryan to arrive. I close my eyes and feel the weak rays of sunlight touching my skin at this hour, as well as a gentle breeze passing by. Soon, a memory invades my mind.

"I can't believe you got into that fight because of me," I say, fixing Mandy's hair, which got messy after the fight.

"Of course I would step in. You're my sister, and only I can tease you. I can't stand seeing other girls making fun of you," she jokes while the school nurse puts ice on her hand.

"And you can't tease me either, dear," I playfully retort.

"Yes, I can. Only I can. You know why?" She asks, looking at me, making me stop messing with her hair.

"I don't know, why?" I ask, looking at her curiously.

"Because you're my little sister, and I love you so much," Mandy responds, smiling at me, making me feel shy. I smile back at her. She takes my hand and gently squeezes it, then shows me her pinky finger.

"I love you, together forever."

"I love you too, together forever," I murmur, intertwining my pinky finger with hers, making her smile even more, her eyes sparkling."

I open my eyes when I hear footsteps approaching. With difficulty, I push away the memory that hurts me so much and swallow the sudden urge to cry. I wipe away a few tears that have rolled down my cheeks with my hand. I notice Bryan in front of me, and he sits next to me, gazing at the sky filled with slowly moving clouds. I divert my eyes to the same spot he's looking at.

"How are you?" he asks without looking at me.

"Not good. Not good at all, but I'm still breathing. That's something, right?" I reply, noticing that one cloud has the shape of a rabbit, or maybe it's just my imagination.

"I don't know what it's like to lose a brother you love so much, but I can imagine the immense pain," he murmurs beside me with a sad voice. "I'm so sorry, Meg, truly sorry," he whispers and takes my hand, gently squeezing it, and I just nod in confirmation.

"How are things at your house?" I ask softly, looking at him as he continues to gaze at the sky. He sighs and looks at me.

"I couldn't do it, Meg. I couldn't come out to my parents," he murmurs, and I can tell he's frustrated, maybe even ashamed.

Bryan is gay and can't come out to his parents because he's afraid of their reaction. They are too conservative. They'll probably freak out when they find out and kick him out of the house, which is horrible and unfair. If they knew the incredible and strong son they have, who has gone through so much for being black and especially for being homosexual, and still stands tall, they would be proud.

"Were you scared?" I whisper, looking attentively at him. He sighs heavily and responds, "I was, Meg. Do you think I'm weak because of that?" His voice sounds sad, and I can sense his distress.

"Not at all. You're the strongest guy I've ever known. You have an immense strength inside you that inspires me to be strong. Never doubt your strength," I reply sincerely, gently stroking his soft skin, which gradually softens his expression of sadness and replaces it with one of affection. "Thank you," he says, expressing gratitude and giving a small smile, although his face still looks sad.

"No need to thank me. That's what friends are for. You can count on me in good times and bad. You can always count on me," I comment, delicately caressing his face, which eases his sadness and brings a look of warmth. "If you need someone to beat someone up, just call me, and I'll help you," I add, jokingly, making him laugh.

"You're unbelievable, Meg," he says amidst laughter.

"I do exist, you know. Or do you think I'm a ghost?" I ask, putting on a serious face and raising an eyebrow.

"You must be, ghosts are amazing," he affirms, making me roll my eyes, but I start laughing again.

"Are you really comparing me to Casper the Friendly Ghost?"

"I am, he's amazing just like you," he replies, making me laugh even more.

I pull my backpack, which was next to me, onto my lap and open it. I take out a bottle of bourbon whiskey that I grabbed from my father's liquor cabinet. He has a habit of collecting drinks, and when he finds out that I took another bottle, he'll definitely be furious. I throw my backpack on the grass and open the bottle, taking a sip that burns down my throat.

"I can't believe you brought alcohol to college," Bryan comments, astonished beside me.

"Today is a day that I won't be able to get through easily. I need to keep my mind silent, and this is the easiest way," I confess, feeling depressed. "Since the moment I woke up, all I can think about is the accident and the death of my sister, because today marks five years. I'm trying to be strong and live, but it hasn't been easy. I try not to feel guilty, but it's inevitable. So I prefer to drown my sorrows and not remember this day afterwards," I add, whispering with a mix of distress and melancholy. I feel the urge to cry again, but I hold it back and take another sip, this time feeling less burn in my throat.

"I understand, that's why I don't judge you. But Meg, it wasn't your fault, it was an accident," he tries to console me, and I just shake my head without looking at him, because I know I'm guilty and nothing can take that idea out of my head. "I think I need some too," he confesses, making me hand him the bottle while I admire the sky full of clouds.

"Life is not easy," I reflect.

"Not at all, but I believe that after the storm, the sun will always appear. So, even though everything is chaotic now, things will get better at some point. Better days will come. I also believe that our suffering is not in vain, all of this happens for us to learn to be strong and grow internally," my friend comments, making me look at him. His dark brown eyes are looking at the trees swaying slowly in the weak wind that passed by us, causing his curly hair to sway. I observe my friend, his square jaw, and the small dimples that appear when he smiles. His well-trimmed beard is starting to grow. His eyes are full of light, shining and full of life, unlike his own life. Bryan is beautiful, his body is slim, but that doesn't make him any less attractive.

"Do you really believe that?" I whisper softly.

"Yes, I do," he responds, shifting his gaze to me. "It's good to believe in something, and I believe that everything will be fine in the end," he says, even though his eyes have a sad expression, I notice a glimmer of hope in them, and he smiles openly at me. A genuine smile that, in contrast to his dark skin, makes him extremely handsome.

"I can't believe that everything will be fine," I whisper in a thin voice, and a stubborn tear that I had been holding back rolls down my cheek.

"You don't have to believe it now," he says gently, taking my hand. "There's a huge scar inside you, focus on healing it. With time, you'll see that everything will be fine and that no suffering lasts forever. Just give yourself some time," Bryan gently squeezes my hand and kisses the back of it delicately.

"Okay," I murmur in response, wiping the tear from my cheek.

"Remember, Meg, one step at a time," he says, making me nod my head, then he brings the bottle to his mouth and takes a sip.

One step at a time... One step at a time... And when I'm too weak to take a step, what do I do?

I keep this question in my mind, because Bryan already has enough problems in his life, and I don't want to be another burden. My problems are my responsibility. This is my burden, and I will carry it alone. I'm the only one who has to suffer because of them and not burden someone else, especially not Bryan, a boy full of life and hope, even though he has to face his family and society because of his sexuality.

It's so unfair that people suffer because of who they love. No one should suffer because of their sexual orientation.

"I admire you so much," I confess, looking at my friend who smiles at me.

"I'm amazing, I know that," he affirms, winking at me, making me open a small smile.

"Conceited," I reply, lightly pushing his shoulder, and he laughs.

"Not conceited, just self-love," he argues confidently, and I laugh at the face he makes, pretending to toss his imaginary hair back. I take the bottle from his hand, raise it to my mouth, and take another sip.

"This is much better," he comments, catching my attention. "I like seeing you like this, smiling."

"Me too, but it's been a long time since I've truly smiled," I say sincerely, looking into his brown eyes that study me. "You're one of the few people who have made me genuinely laugh in years." He smiles warmly at me, looking at me with affection.

"I feel privileged," he affirms,and winks at me.

"In reality, I'm the privileged one to have you as a friend," I say, and Bryan smiles in a friendly manner, his eyes shining with happiness.

"Okay, okay. Enough of this melancholic talk before I start crying," I say, opening a smile when I notice that he's embarrassed. "Stop looking at me like that!" He quickly affirms, standing up and looking at the watch on his wrist. "Come on, the next class is about to start." He extends his hand to me, and I take it as he pulls me up to my feet.

I hope this day will be different...

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