Chapter 3 ♡♡♡♡♡

Chapter One ♡

Meg Miller ♡

PRESENT DAYS

I hear my alarm clock ringing, signaling it's time to get up and head to college, but I've been awake for hours, staring at the white ceiling of my room. Once again, insomnia kept me company as I watched the night turn into day through the open window. I've been contemplating my life, reflecting on everything I went through to reach where I am today, and most importantly, pondering the accident that took my sister's life.

Living without Mandy for five years hasn't been easy.

Despite the time that has passed, I often wake up in the middle of the night screaming, haunted by nightmares of the accident or dreams featuring my sister. In these dreams, she always repeats the same phrase she uttered moments before the accident.

"I hate you, Meg."

That little sentence lingers in my mind daily, the pain of knowing my sister died hating me. How I wish I hadn't initiated that foolish argument.

How I wish my sister were still here with me. How I wish I had died instead of her.

How I wish...

I feel something sliding down my cheek and soon realize I'm silently crying. I wipe my tears with the sleeve of my pajamas and force myself out of bed to avoid dwelling on these thoughts. However, they never leave me because I feel responsible for what happened. Constantly labeled a murderer by my father, I've started to believe it. Reluctantly, I get up, drag myself to the bathroom for a shower, and prepare for college.

Life goes on, right...

I repeat this phrase in my mind thousands of times to remind myself to keep going. Not for me, but for Mandy. I know it would be her wish, even if she hated me. In the bathroom, I undress, step into the shower, and close my eyes as the water flows over me, bringing a sense of peace.

Today won't be an easy day, and I'd prefer to spend it at home because it marks the fifth anniversary of my sister's death. Five years ago on this day, we were laughing together all day, and at night, the damn accident happened. A sob escapes my mouth, and by now, my tears are mixed with the shower water. My legs give out; I can't stand anymore. I slide down the cold, wet wall of the shower until I'm sitting on the floor, with the water falling over me.

I can't take it anymore; this pain only grows instead of fading. Maybe time can't heal everything after all. I feel lost, alone, and without reasons to get out of bed every day.

My parents blame me for what happened, and they despise me. Especially my father, who changed so much after the accident. Dad is hardly ever home; I know he's busy being the owner of one of the largest hotel chains in Manhattan, spanning all of New York. This business is a family legacy, passed from my grandfather to my father when he came of age, and my father was planning to pass it on to Mandy. However, with what happened, that responsibility falls on me, whether I want it or not. Mom, once a famous model, now manages the hotel chain with Dad and, in her free time, engages in charitable activities in orphanages or with needy families. That's how she's trying to fill her void, but she's completely forgotten that she has a living daughter.

I've gotten used to it, though. Since the accident, my parents have never been the same with me. We already had a complicated relationship before because I wasn't obedient-I always liked things my way and stood my ground when they disagreed-but now it's worse. They can barely look at me and only speak to me when necessary. They treat me like a stranger, not their daughter.

I feel guilty; I know that if I hadn't started that stupid argument, she would still be here with me. The pain of missing my sister is enormous, as if something has been ripped out of me, leaving an unfillable void. Like my parents, I've never overcome it, and I don't know if I ever can. It hurts too much, and I try to numb the overwhelming pain and the disdain my parents feel for me by taking it out on myself. However, my self-destructive tendencies aren't easing my pain. I know it's not healthy, but I no longer feel anything; it's like I'm slowly dying inside. I feel like I'm wandering lifelessly.

I always hide this side of me because if my parents or anyone sees it, they'll think I'm doing it for attention. That's why it's my secret; no one would understand, and they'd probably mock my scars. I don't want to appear weak, fragile, and I don't want anyone to pity me. I want to seem strong, cold, unaffected by anything, even though I'm dying inside.

I notice that my fingers are getting wrinkled from the time I'm underwater, but I don't care, I look at my wrists and see scars and more scars I've made, never trying to soften my strength, but to no avail. My tears keep coming out non-stop and the sound of my sobs echo in the bathroom. With my eyes closed, I lift my face letting the water fall on it, I stay like that for a few minutes until my lungs complain about needing air, but I still have my face under the water. When I'm almost losing consciousness from lack of oxygen to my brain, I quickly move my face away from the water and inhale quickly for air. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to end it all, just to stop feeling, but I can't. I have to live for Mandyson, I owe it to her.No more crying Meg, you gotta get up and live. I remind myself, because I know that crying won't bring my sister back. So I get up closing the shower soon after, wrap a towel around my thin, pale body, and go to my room walking directly to my closet where I grab a pair of black jeans and a shirt of the same color, and put them on right after. I do some basic makeup to disguise my dark circles, because it's been a long time since I've known what it's like to sleep well, and I comb my long blonde hair and let it dry naturally. Already on my feet I put on a pair of white sneakers, and I also put on some bracelets to hide the scars on my wrists, and finally, I take my backpack and then go down to the kitchen where I find Anne setting the table. Anne is the cook, and has worked in this house since I was little. She is like a second mother to me, and I don't know what would be of me without her, because she was the one who helped me the most during these years and I love her so much. She's not just an employee, she's already part of the family. I look at Anne, if you look at her, you don't say she's over forty. Her fair skin contrasts with her gray hair, her eyes sparkle as she smiles at me, making her wrinkles appear closer to her eyes.

I sit at the table and serve myself some juice and grab a toast, spreading a little strawberry jam on it, and then I take a bite:

" Mmm! I love toast! " I exclaim and take a bite, forcing myself to eat even though I'm not hungry. I close my eyes as I chew slowly, enjoying the jam. " Anne, I love it when you make this jam, it's delicious " I comment after swallowing, opening my eyes again and looking at her, who is staring at me attentively.

" Girl, eat quickly, or you'll be late " Anne urges me from my side.

Even though she is over 50 years old, Anne looks younger. Her hair is more gray than brown, her skin shows signs of aging with small wrinkles, but she doesn't mind, Anne is always radiant and spreading sweet smiles around her. Her brown eyes behind her glasses observe me with attention and sweetness. This makes me smile at her. Anne is like the light at the end of the tunnel, the light I needed, need, and will always need. I will always need Anne in my life, she is very important to me.

" Calm down, Anne, college can wait " I reassure her, giving her a thumbs up. Anne shakes her head negatively while laughing a little.

" By the way, how are you feeling today? " She asks calmly, sitting next to me. She asks me this question daily.

I stop eating, not knowing what to answer, after all, I don't even know how I'm feeling, so I just shake my head negatively and she understands, because she knows that means I don't have an answer to her question. So she just nods and kisses my forehead, then gets up and walks towards the kitchen exit, but then stops and turns to me.

" Oh! I almost forgot " Anne looks at me apprehensively. " Your father called early and said he'll be back today, and your mother will stay there for a while to resolve some matters related to a charity event she's organizing " she adds, and I make a face in response.

Why don't they just stay there? When we're here, all we do is fight.

" My peace is over in this house " I grumble, rolling my eyes.

" Don't say that, they are your parents " she scolds me and gives me a sad look. I furrow my brow, looking at her, and then I sarcastically reply:

" Are they? Doesn't seem like it. You should remind them of that detail when they're here " I respond humorlessly and take another toast with jam to eat.

She nods and leaves with a downcast expression. As Anne has been working here for years, she knows that my parents and I despise each other, and she is already accustomed to the constant fights in this house, but I can tell that she still hopes that we will become a "real family" and start loving each other one day. Not that I don't love my parents, despite everything I love them more than anything in this life, even though this feeling is not reciprocated. I owe my life to them and I can do anything for them, I just can't stand being despised by them and stay quiet listening to it.

Damn, I shouldn't have spoken to Anne like that. When I get there, I'll talk to her and apologize.

I finish eating and go to my room, enter the bathroom, where I brush my teeth, and then quickly go down the stairs, holding onto the railing to avoid tripping and falling. I don't even know why I'm going to college if I don't even like Business Administration.

My father practically forced me to take this course because I will soon inherit the company. So I need to know how to manage a large hotel chain, but that's not what I want, my dream is to study music and work with it in a studio or doing something related to that field. I leave the house and walk to the garage, where I find my car, a newer model Jeep, parked, and I get in, throwing my backpack on the back seat. I start the car, listening to the sound of the engine, and then start driving to my destination.

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