Chapter 5 5

I couldn't remember another time when my heart beat this fast.

His hands wrapped around my body, his breath tickling my ear, his heart beating right behind me... It was the first time in years that I was this close to someone. For the first time, I removed my limits, erased my lines, and made them disappear. I hated being vulnerable, but right now I was enjoying it immensely. I watched the honey-colored eyes looking into my eyes with great attention from the mirror. I took a deep breath, his hands were on my shoulders. His fingers were moving gently.

We should have cut this out.

We had to finish this.

"Enough," I said in a stern voice. I fought a war with myself to say this. This word that fell from my lips in a determined tone was not mine.

Rüzgâr's sparse eyebrows knitted together with one word. A stunned expression appeared on his face. My imbalance had finally come to light. The girl who didn't know what she wanted was back. His hands slowly moved away from my shoulders, his body backed away from me. I threw all my dreams into a vast ocean. But I was afraid. I was afraid of falling for someone again.

"I'm going to the bathroom..." I said and quickly moved away from the mirror. I walked towards the end of the corridor, leaving Ruzgar's tall, slender body behind, frozen in surprise. Adrenaline had taken over all my blood by now.

When I got to the side where the sinks were, I entered by pushing one of the doors hard and clumsily. My sudden rush frightened the brunette girl who was freshening up her make-up in the mirror. The lipstick she was trying to apply spilled out.

When I started to apologize by saying "Oh, I'm so sorry, I scared..." the girl raised her hand and signaled me to calm down. Then she squinted at my face and then looked at my clothes.

"You were with him in the corridor..." I mumbled and I raised one of my eyebrows in question. The girl's dark brown eyes sparkled. A tense expression appeared on his face.

"I don't understand?" I asked in a low voice. The girl's lips moved but she did not speak. I ignored it and walked towards one of the sinks and quickly turned on the tap. I could feel the girl's sharp gaze still wandering over my body. I held my shaking hands under cold water and filled my palms with ice-cold water. Then I hit it hard in the face. A few minutes ago, I was trying to wake up my mind, which was about to fall asleep. I rubbed my eyes with my fingers and looked at the square mirror in front of me. My mascara ran and turned my undereyes black. I looked terrible, like something out of a nightmare.

"Do you know who he is?" When I heard the girl's high-pitched voice, I took a quick look at her in the mirror. The girl was at my feet. I continued to frown at him in the mirror. Then I straightened up and turned towards him. She was a short-haired, wheat-skinned girl who was obviously in her twenties.

"You're implying something, but I don't understand. Can you be clear?" I said angrily. This was one of the things I hated the most. To beat around the bush. Imply. Uncertainty. These always brought trouble.

"This is hard to explain. I'll just give you a warning..." he said and took a step closer to me. She was a tall girl. His steps were firm. I looked at him curiously.

"Don't let it get into your mind. It could drive you into its madness." said the girl in a confident tone.

"What do you want to say?" I asked again. I was confused. I wasn't in a moment where I could think anyway. My eyebrows knitted even more. My body was already starting to get tense.

"Wind Ulukan. Stay away from him." " he said, sending me one last warning look. While I was in the grip of astonishment, the young girl passed me and headed towards the door.

Rüzgâr ... I was just learning his surname.

"From where?" I asked in a loud voice. My gaze fell to the ground. I didn't want to look into the girl's dark brown eyes. She was scaring me.

"He just got out of the mental hospital. Rest assured, I don't think he's ever recovered." He said opened the door harshly and walked out. It was like I had been slapped hard in the face. I remember the night I saw him for the first time. He was taken out of a vehicle by officers, with a triumphant smile on his face. Everything was starting to become clear now. His house had been empty for a long time because he was in the hospital. All those beautiful sentences, impressive speeches, facial expressions, tone of voice... Maybe all of them were things he saw and learned in the hospital. Maybe he was speaking from a doctor's perspective, the way they spoke to him. His facial expression when he heard that I was studying psychology came to mind. I had goosebumps.

I ran my hands furiously through my dark blonde hair. He didn't tell me about these. He didn't tell me anything. Because he was a stranger. He was a mysterious young man I met a few days ago. I didn't know him, I didn't know his past. I knew at first glance that he was not a normal person, and frankly, that was what attracted me to him. But I had completely forgotten that some mysteries were dangerous.

I walked towards the wooden door with unbalanced steps. The effect of the alcohol that was making me dizzy was slowly disappearing. As my mind came to its senses from the shock, I threw myself into the long, dimly lit corridor. I had one hand on the door handle, using support to stand. When the door closed, I took my hand away and looked ahead. When I collided with a tall body, I took a step back and lost the balance I had just gained. A tight arm wrapped around my waist. It was a familiar realization. These were the arms that grasped me minutes ago. I lifted my head and looked into honey-colored eyes. He had his usual faint smile on his face. Oh, how could this smile belong to someone dangerous? How could this smile, which I am sure will cure all diseases, belong to a sick person?

"Are you ok?" I could not raise my voice against this question, which he asked in a concerned voice. I nodded my head yes. Immediately afterward, I stood up and walked away from him. His arms surrounding me opened gently. A look of disappointment appeared on his face.

"Did something happen?" asked. His sparse, well-shaped eyebrows were knitted together. The smile on his face had vanished into dust. It seemed like he didn't like that I was keeping my distance from him. Or maybe she overheard what we were talking about with the girl earlier.

"Nope. I just got sick. The crowd, the noise, the alcohol... I guess it all got too much at once." I said. It wasn't a lie. These were things that might seem tiring to someone who spent quiet hours alone. But the real reason that spoiled my mood was what I heard about him. I couldn't tell him about this. I couldn't hold him accountable. As a psychology student, I was aware of how sensitive a topic this was. Moreover, it had been a few days since we met. It wasn't strange that he didn't tell me the deep details of his past. It was normal for him not to trust me, so I didn't trust him either. I wouldn't trust anyone.

"Are you sure? You're not bothered by what we just did, right?" I shook my head quickly in response to his question. The exact opposite. Whatever we did, I enjoyed it immensely. It was a perfect moment for someone who loved to dream. I was blown away by how quickly his commands came to my mind, his theme reminded me that I was alive, and the melody of his descriptions spoiled my ears.

The girl's words rang in my ears once again: "Don't let it get into your mind."

"Shall we go home?" I asked in a very loud voice. I was trying to drown out those words ringing in my ears with my voice. Maybe those words were true, maybe they weren't. But it was a warning, a warning I had to heed. But my heart preferred to remain blind to this warning.

"Yeah let's go," he said and got excited by adjusting his black denim jacket. His light brown hair fell messily on his forehead. He looked at me with his honey-colored eyes. I could go anywhere with him as long as he looked at me like that.

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The cold of the night intensified with the passing hours. Every hot breath that came out of my lips was weakening in the cold. I looked at Rüzgar, who was walking comfortably next to me. We were walking slowly down a dark, deserted street. We haven't talked since we left Karga. I crossed my arms and parted my lips,

"Why are you staying alone in that big house?" I asked in a curious tone. Now my mind was as clear as a clear sky. The alcohol had completely lost its effect.

Wind put his hands into the pockets of his black jeans. Her skin shining like the moon in the blackness of the night fascinated me once again. I realized that I enjoyed watching it.

"Because I have no one." he said clearly. It was as if the cold of the night had seeped into his voice. He used a distant, icy tone. What feelings did the question I asked evoke in your body? Loneliness? Sadness? Maybe hate?

"Where is your family?" I asked insistently. I was trying to get to know him. I had to convince myself that he was harmless. I didn't want to walk around with a stranger. Yes, I wanted to get to know him. I didn't know what this desire would bring to me in the future, but I was living in the moment.

"They're far, far away..." he explained. He sounded reluctant. It was obvious even from his face that he was not happy about this issue. He was whiter and paler than ever.

"What about your people?" asked. He was trying to separate the subject from himself. The questions I asked must have hurt you, people always run away from pain.

"Mine are also far away. But I wanted this. I could go to the school where we lived, but I didn't want to. I just needed to get away from them. They were aware of this, too." I said, putting my hands in my coat pockets. Talking about my family made me freeze. I didn't grow up in a very happy family.

"What you call family should be with you no matter what. No power can separate a real family." he said in his voice getting weaker. On the one hand, he was looking thoughtfully towards the end of the road. Then I understood. In his story, it wasn't him who was separated, it was his family. He didn't leave his family, his family left him.

"Then neither of us have a real family." I said, a bittersweet smile appeared on my face. I could feel from his eyes that he understood me and it was an amazing feeling.

"What did he tell you?" he asked suddenly. Startled, I turned towards him and our steps slowed down. We were close to home.

"I don't understand?" I said and looked into his eyes. His gaze darkened.

"You were fine before you left me, but then you changed. You had a scared look on your face. A girl came out of the sink before you, someone I know. She told you something, didn't she?" When he said that, I continued to look at him without blinking my eyes. I was a fool to think I could hide it from him. He was too careful. Unlike most people, he was a good observer.

"Yes, but it was a trivial conversation..."

"Don't you want to know why?" He interrupted me by saying. His eyebrows were raised in question. The defiant expression on his face increased the cold on my skin. What gave me chills was not the night anymore, but his distant gaze.

"Don't you wonder why I spent a whole year in a psychiatric hospital?" When he asked, we had arrived in front of his magnificent house. I tried to understand his question with horrified eyes. It happened, he said it, he trusted me. And it turns out the girl was telling the truth. His warning came to my mind once again. I kicked him out as soon as he came, I didn't want him.

"I do." I said with trembling lips. The wind took out his hands, which he put in his pockets. He extended one of his large, long hands towards me in a gentle gesture.

"Then let me show you." While saying this, he pointed with his head to the dark, deserted house behind him. My mind and logic were screaming at me that I had to escape from there immediately. He was talking about the devil inviting me to his lair with his own hands. He was simply screaming that I would be thrown into the arms of darkness.

But my heart was insensitive to these. He was blind, deaf, helpless. The heart did not mind such things, it continued beating. He would keep beating even though he knew it would eventually stop.

I took the hand he offered me.

I accepted his invitation.