Chapter 4 4

I started looking at myself in the mirror without blinking. I looked carefully at this view, my body, that I presented to the eyes of the outside world. I touched the taut, smooth, moon-bright skin that surrounded my body over my flesh and bones. My mother always said I looked like a ghost. This analogy used to scare me. It was a time when I believed that ghosts were spooky beings. But no, they were just lost souls.

I touched my long, dark blonde hair that I had straightened. I examined my hair, which I always wanted to be silky. They were never soft. I always wondered how other girls' hair looked like that. I guess I would never learn.

I turned to my makeup bag on the nightstand. I took out the small box of blush and applied it lightly to my cheeks to add color to my face. On my medium-thick lips, I applied a light earth-colored lipstick. After curling my eyelashes and applying mascara, I was done. This is my understanding of makeup. I didn't know much anyway. I was doing what everyone else did.

I was wearing a v-neck, black, thin sweater; I was wearing baggy jeans with torn knees. I was aware that everyone who came there tonight would be more attentive, but I didn't care. I wanted to go the way I was comfortable. As I got out of my thoughts and put on my coat, I looked down from my window. My eyes were looking for Wind. But his garden and the front of his house were empty.

I left the window seat and grabbed my black purse from my bed. I turned off the lights and walked quickly towards the outer door. I was a few minutes past our meeting time. I still couldn't believe that we were going to a party together. Everything happened very quickly. I pressed my lips together to prevent the stupid smile on my face. There was a meaningless happiness inside me. It was the first time I felt like this since I came here.

I opened the outer door with excitement. When the cold air circulating in the apartment hit my face, a body was standing in front of me. Honey-colored eyes shining through the messy, wavy brown hair falling on his forehead found mine. Startled, I took a step back. Seeing him so suddenly scared me.

"It's easy to scare you." he laughed loudly. In response to this reaction, I laughed angrily and rolled my eyes. He evoked darkness with his black shirt and black jeans.

The kind of darkness you want to retreat into rather than run away from.

"I think you're enjoying this," I said sarcastically. His smile widened. My excitement also increased.

"You look great," he said and put his hands in his trouser pockets and looked me up and down. I was sure that there wasn't a single spot of me that wasn't touched by his gaze. I felt my cheeks get hot with embarrassment. It was one of my most hated habits.

"You too," I muttered. I said it so quietly I doubted he heard it. After putting the house key in my coat pocket, I pulled the outer door hard and closed it behind me.

"If you're ready, let's go," I said, raising my voice. He moved as if he was waiting for this moment, and after nodding his head up and down in approval, he headed towards the elevator. After lightly touching the button to open the door, he stepped back, giving me priority to pass. I smiled in return for his kindness and got into the elevator. He got in after me and took his place next to me. I pressed the zero button and the doors closed.

The night was starting.

Foreign faces.

It was normal for my anxiety to increase when foreign faces surrounded me. While I was feeling a heavy uneasiness, even the presence of Rüzgar could not calm me down. I had to breathe, but it was very difficult to breathe in this dark, stuffy, and cigarette-smelling place.

"Do you drink beer?" asked the wind, coming close to my ear. Normally, I would have felt uncomfortable with this closeness, but right now it didn't matter since everyone was standing so close to each other in this small place. There was no other option.

I nodded my head affirmatively. A little alcohol wouldn't hurt. Maybe it could even calm down my trembling hands. Anxiety sucks.

The wind left me and headed towards the bar counter. At that moment, I tried to break through the crowd and go to a corner of the venue. From what I could see, there weren't many people on that corner. It might be the only place to breathe. By tucking my long hair behind my ears, I dodged among the moving bodies of people and reached the place I wanted. I felt like vomiting. Touching people I didn't know made me nauseous.

"Eliz?" A male voice saved me from my negative thoughts. When I looked in the direction where the sound came from, I saw the boy at school. It was the boy who called me here. His face was in my mind, but I couldn't remember his name.

"Yes?" I replied. He kept coming towards me and stopped right in front of me. I was already starting to feel bad because I didn't remember his name.

I felt relieved when he said, "Eren, I invited you here..."

Yes, Eren.

His name was Eren.

"Yes I remember," I said and smiled vaguely. My smile rubbed off on his face, too. He continued his speech, holding his beer down,

"How, did you like the atmosphere?" he asked with curious eyes.

"I thought it would be just our class, I didn't expect it to be this crowded," I said quite loudly. The live music in the environment was deafening.

"Oh, yeah. The guys in the other department wanted to drip, too. We couldn't say no." he smiled. His deep dimple was quite visible even in the dark.

"Do you want something to drink?" asked. His black eyes were looking at me cheerfully.

"I brought it to him." The charismatic voice coming from behind made all the joy in Eren's eyes fade. I looked over my shoulder at Ruzgar who came to me. He looked absolutely attractive with his tall, slightly built body and jet-black clothes. There was something about him that I couldn't see in other people.

Wind extended the glass of beer in his hand towards me. I grasped the glass, which was frozen because of the coldness of the beer, and immediately brought it to my lips. I was thirsty and nervous. I needed to relax.

"I am Eren," Eren said without making a fuss. Immediately afterward, he extended one of his big hands towards Rüzgar.

"Ali." said the Wind and held his extended hand tightly. When his answer stunned me, I looked at Rüzgar as if asking. Why did he feel the need to lie?

"Which department are you in, Ali?" Eren asked. His black eyes were looking into Rüzgar's eyes suspiciously.

"I'm not reading it right now." said the Wind and took a big sip of his beer. It was true, he had already finished school.

"You look young, and when I saw you with Eliz, I thought we were at the same university," said Eren. There was no trace of his former cheerful self.

"I was studying, but when something happened, my family realized that I wouldn't be a man and took me out of school..." said Rüzgar and swallowed hard, hardening his face.

"When you go to prison." My eyebrows furrowed with what he said. I looked back into the honey-colored eyes, but he didn't care about me. He was only focused on the black eyes in front of him.

"Are you serious? Why did you enter? You must have been involved in a fight or something," Eren smiled. This incident seemed to be funny.

"Murder," said Rüzgar in a confident voice. The word he said suddenly erased the sarcastic expression on Eren's face. I pressed my lips together hard to keep from laughing. He was playing with it.

"But don't worry, they believed I was innocent. Well, I was anyway." " said the wind and smiled. Then he patted Eren on the shoulder in a friendly manner. I was trying hard not to burst out laughing.

"Nice to meet you Eren. Have fun then." added the Wind. After smiling at Eren for the last time, he looked at me. Then he turned around and walked away from us slowly.

"See you later," I said to Eren. He smiled nervously, nodding his head in the affirmative. This situation increased my desire to laugh. I left him and followed Rüzgâr's body, dressed in black, advancing in front. My glass was already half half. How quickly I drank! We bumped into each other slightly when another girl appeared in front of me. The girl laughed and poured some more from the bottle in her hand into the empty glass in my hand. I thanked him and smiled back. I've never been in such environments before. It seemed strange, but I was starting to get used to it with the alcohol starting to mix with my blood. I quickly downed my freshly filled glass.

For a few seconds, I thought I lost Ruzgar. There were a lot of people, but this no longer bothered me like it did when I first arrived. When I saw Rüzgâr's eyes shining like the moon in the dark, I was filled with enthusiasm. He was waiting for me at the top of the stairs, leaning on the railing. I walked quickly towards him. When I reached him, a big smile appeared on my face. This had rubbed off on him too. After a few seconds, we both started laughing loudly and violently. I will never forget the dialogue that just happened for the rest of my life.

"Are we sure his name is Ruzgar?" I continued laughing. This question made his laughter intensify. I put one hand on his arm and got support from him. I was having a little trouble standing. When I touched him, he put his hand on my back and showed that he was looking out for me.

"Someone I will probably never see again. I can take on any character I want, life is too short to be just one person." I looked at him in fascination when he explained. His sentences sounded more attractive to me than ever.

"You're right, I want to too. I want to be someone else tonight too, please." I said in a pleading voice. As if he could change me with just one touch. As if he were a wizard.

"Are you sure?" he asked with a serious expression. I must admit that this statement frightened me. But that's what I wanted. I loved waking up with something inside me. Fear, excitement, joy... It didn't matter. All I needed was to feel.

"Evet."

"Let's go somewhere where we'll be alone." He pointed to the stairs in front of us with his eyes. After nodding my head positively, I headed towards the stairs. We gave the glasses in our hands to an officer passing by. We slowly climbed the narrow stairs together. When we went upstairs, the effect of the music gradually diminished. It was quieter and brighter here. A corridor welcomed us. There were sinks along the corridor and a large full-length mirror at the end of the corridor.

We walked together, with clumsy steps, to the bottom of the full-length mirror. There was no one around. It was just the two of us and our reflections in the mirror. He came behind me and looked into my eyes through his curled eyelashes through the mirror.

"Who do you want to be?" he asked and raised one eyebrow subtly. I put on a thinking expression, resting one of my fingers on my chin. I squinted my eyes and thought of everything I wanted to be.

"A queen," I said in a determined voice. I looked at Rüzgâr in the mirror with a sarcastic expression. I knew I looked like a dreamy girl, but I always wanted to be a queen. The wind nodded to my request.

He raised his right hand and touched my hair falling down my back. He gathered them with his hand and placed them gently in front of me. My heart was beating like crazy as he brushed the little hair on the nape of my neck with his fingertips. His skin touching my skin was burning the places it touched.

"Your silky hair," he whispered. Then his hands moved from the back of my neck to my neck. I felt goosebumps as he turned his hand upside down and caressed my skin with his knuckles. I was waiting with wide eyes for his next move.

"...with your soft skin," he said, moving a little closer to me. I was close to coming into full contact with his body behind me.

"...you are one of the most beautiful, most envied queens in the world." he continued in a low voice. I was listening to him with rapt attention.

"Imagine, imagine your expertly designed dress that everyone turns to look at," he said and his hands touched my shoulders. Our bodies were now touching each other as his long fingers moved down my arms.

When he said, "It hugs you tightly, it has become a part of you like a second skin..." his hands found my waist. It was touching my clothes, but I could have sworn I felt the softness of the skin. My eyes closed and my head rested on his body behind me. He liked that I didn't feel like leaving him. His hands left my waist and moved towards my stomach. He was now holding me around my waist. He could hold me if I fainted. If I died, he wouldn't let me fall. While my heart was beating in my throat, all I wanted was for him to continue touching me.

"And you have a crown. A crown so precious that anyone would die for it; it rests on your head, yours alone." he continued to whisper. His lips were somewhere between my ear and my cheek. I felt the wetness of his lips like a flame on my dry skin.

"Open your eyes slowly and tell me what you see," he ordered. His harsh voice brought me back to my senses. I woke up from my sleep-wake state and opened my eyes. The first thing I saw was my reflection in the mirror. Everything he said and described seemed to come to life. Because I looked like a queen. My lips parted in surprise. To my dismay, this worked. Either I was high again or my low tolerance for alcohol was taking effect.

"How did you do this?" I whispered.

"I didn't do anything. You said you fell in love with daydreaming, that's your mind. I just helped." he replied. He had his usual creepy smile on his face.

"Now I want something too," he added. I was looking at my reflection in the mirror without blinking my eyes. I nodded my head affirmatively. I slowly felt like my body was going numb. His grip weakened.

"Tonight, when you get home and go to bed, I want you to dream. Dream until you fall asleep, dream about whoever you want, whatever you want." he listed in his impressive voice.

"Can I dream about you?" I asked in an innocent voice. I was very new to these matters, so this was a question I asked to impress him. I gained the courage of a madman, partly under the influence of alcohol.

The smile on his face deepened in response to my question, and he even sighed slightly.

"You are free to imagine whatever you want, it is your mind." " he answered me. This sentence broke something inside me out of its cage. It had been so long since I had been set free that in my mind, I was waiting for permission to even dream about it.

"Will you do me too?" I asked curiously. At my question, he laughed out loud this time and opened his lips mockingly.

"I think you drank too fast, don't drink any more tonight." He warned: Alcohol wasn't the only culprit in why I got so excited so quickly.

He was also a criminal.

It numbed my mind and body more than alcohol.