Chapter 2 2

I had dreams hundreds of times before coming to this city. I would go to the beach every evening, find quiet and calm places for myself to think, go to fun places when necessary, and adapt to the chaos of the city. From the moment I started university, I would make friends, I would not act shy, I would meet the love of my life in one of the corridors of the school... Sounds like a cliché young girl's literature, right? Yes, that's why my dreams have not come true and will not come true. Because I am a person who cannot even fit into the cliché life I dream of.

I had difficult years in my childhood and adolescence. No matter how hard I tried to cover up some events, feelings, and thoughts, I could never fully succeed. The traces of every blow I receive will remain on my character and skin forever. I was one of the biggest responsible for this. I always tried to make people not feel the way I did, I always tried to understand them. But they never tried to understand me. This still did not deter me, so I chose the psychology department. There was still much to learn about humans. Maybe I would understand not only others but also myself.

"Eliz?" I was immediately taken out of my thoughts when I heard my name. When I turned around, I saw a pair of black eyes. This was a tall, dark young man. I spoke, frowning my eyebrows as if asking,

"Do I know?"

"I'm Eren, we're in the same class," he said with a smile. When he did this, a deep dimple appeared on his left cheek. What he said made me feel ashamed. We had been in the same class for a week and I didn't even know he existed. Although I never had the opportunity to examine people, I never liked staring at a stranger's face.

"Oh, sorry. I'm still getting used to it." I said and smiled fakely out of politeness. I never liked forced smiles, but sometimes we had to.

"No problem. We were looking for a solution for exactly this. We are meeting at Karga tomorrow evening to meet and socialize as a class. It is one of the best venues in the city center, we will send the address to the group. You should come." After saying this, he smiled sincerely again. Why was he smiling so much? Why was he so happy? I have always envied optimistic and energetic people. But I also hated them because I couldn't manage to be one of them. A range of mixed emotions...

"I'll try to come," I said in a low voice, while the antisocial part of me screamed never.

"Then see you tomorrow." After saying that, he waved and walked away. I had been at this school for a week and it was the first time someone came and talked to me. I should have been excited to meet and talk to someone new, but I wasn't. Unlike the young man I met last night. His voice echoed in my mind as he said his name; "I am the Wind." A small smile appeared on my face. A movement that I couldn't describe came to life inside me. Just remembering his voice excited me. Something about him attracted me in a way I couldn't describe. Whether you call it chemistry or energy. This feeling was real. I was angry at myself for thinking like that, it seemed irrational. But a person could not hide what he felt because it was irrational. The energy I received from him has been inside me since the second we met.

Maybe I was making it big. I haven't talked to anyone in a long time. Maybe he had a special place for me because I talked to him for the first time. Or his mysterious situation caught my attention, why was he taken off the patient transport vehicle that way that night? What could have happened? I think my curiosity was one of the things that pushed me to think about it.

I shook my head and laughed at my foolishness. I wasted my time on a man who wouldn't even think about me for a second.

I put my hands into my coat pockets to grab my headphones. I didn't listen to music while walking to school in the morning. When I was numb, I generally preferred silence. When I was gripped by an emotion, I would listen like crazy. Music always fueled my feelings. I should have listened right now, I should have done justice to this little excitement that started to surround my body. However, one of my pockets was empty. I didn't have any headphones in my left pocket. I immediately checked the side pocket of my bag and it wasn't there either. The thing I was most afraid of when buying wireless headphones was losing them.

"Perfect..." I reproached, mumbling. God knows where I dropped it. I didn't listen to music in the morning, I didn't even put my hand in my pocket. I thought about the last time I listened to music.

Last night, on the swings...

I definitely must have dropped it there.

This was a reason to see him again.

What was I saying?

I didn't even know who he was yet. The only thing I knew about him was his name. He was a stranger. It wasn't healthy for me to think so much about him. But I couldn't help it. He was doing this to me.

He knew very well how to occupy my mind with his mysterious life and breathtaking appearance.

***

I wonder what it was like to live in such a house.

I looked carefully at the black, two-story house. It was a huge building. I didn't know how many rooms it had, but it was obvious that it was like a palace inside. It was one of the largest houses in the neighborhood. It was both beautiful and scary. If you have a large family, it could be a suitable and useful house. But if you don't have anyone, being alone can drive you crazy. It reminded me of ghost houses in horror movies. If he claimed that spirits were wandering around inside him, I could believe him without objection.

I timidly touched the doorbell and rang it. I waited for a few minutes, there was no sound other than the sound of the swing chain swinging gently with the wind. Unable to resist, I touched the bell once again. I put my cold hands in my pockets and continued to wait. I took a deep breath and took a step back. As I was getting ready to leave, the door opened at great speed. When I saw the honey-colored eyes, my heart beat faster. His wavy, light brown hair was messier than usual. It was as if someone had run their hands through that beautiful hair and messed it up on purpose. When my gaze landed on the white T-shirt he was wearing, I was startled and took a step back. The chest part of the T-shirt was stained red.

"Don't be afraid, just paint," he said softly in response to my reaction. I laughed nervously. While seconds ago I thought the house was full of spirits, suddenly encountering such a sight scared the hell out of me.

"I thought..." I muttered and took a deep breath.

"That I killed someone?" he laughed too. Even the word death looked extremely attractive in his enormous smile.

"You can't blame me for thinking that. Look at you!" I joked. He was truly disorganized. His clothes were covered in one of the darkest shades of red, and his perfect face was covered in the lightest shades of white. He resembled a ghost that had just taken someone's life. But every time he smiled he looked livelier and brighter than anything else.

"It's cold, come inside." He smiled and opened the door a little more so I could get in. I looked into his eyes hesitantly. I've never entered the house of someone I don't know before. My family warned me about this hundreds of times. I knew it wasn't right, it wasn't appropriate, but I couldn't stop myself. Maybe it was the first time I wanted to do something risky and stepped into his house. While the shy, timid girl inside me was screaming that this was so wrong, the brave side of me was saying, "It's just a coffee." Besides, I didn't want to seem like a paranoid person. On the contrary, I wanted to look confident and brave. Considering all the risky choices our peers made, having a cup of coffee at a house right next to my house seemed pretty harmless.

When I walked in, the smell of paint began to fill my nose. He must have been doing this for several hours. It took a long time for the smell of paint to surround this huge house. When I entered the door, a huge hall welcomed me. There was an American kitchen on the left side of the living room, and stairs going up and down on the right side. The sofas in the living room were covered with white covers and were closed for use. The house looked as scary from the outside as it did from the inside.

"I know how scary the house looks, I'm sorry." When he said, I shook my head and answered him,

"It's okay, you just came home anyway..."

"Do you drink coffee?" he asked as he walked towards the kitchen. I followed him behind his quick steps. When we entered the kitchen, the voice in my mind was warning me.

Don't do that.

A voice inside me was saying don't do it.

He said remember what happened the last time you were intimate with someone.

"I came here to find something I lost," I said, stopping suddenly. The wind slowly turned towards me without touching the coffee machine it was reaching for. His movements had slowed down. He suddenly became thoughtful.

"I know," he said calmly. I raised my eyebrows in surprise. Had he already found my headphones?

He reached into the pocket of his black jeans and pulled out something white. My headphones looked so small in his big hands. I took a deep breath with a smile and approached him to take my headphones. He took a step back, leaned on the counter behind him, and raised his hand, moving the headset away from me. My eyebrows furrowed in surprise, I wasn't expecting such a move. I was stunned, but I didn't retreat. I moved a little closer and didn't stop until our breaths collided. In response to this move, he slowly put the headset in his hand to his ear, staring at my dark blue eyes with his honey-colored eyes.

"Come on, play your favorite song that you listen to every day. If I like it, I'll give you your headphones back." His words falling from his full lips brought that familiar stirring in my heart back to life. I could have screamed and left the house. But I didn't do that. At this very moment, I had silenced my paranoid side and awakened my sarcastic side. Without protesting, I took the other headset from my pocket and placed it in my ear. I took my phone from the back pocket of my trousers and connected it to the headphones. I clicked on a song I listened to almost every day and let it tickle my ears.

SYML - Where's My Love

As the song started playing, Rüzgar's eyes closed. I was just realizing the beauty of her long and curled eyelashes. As the melody of the song deepened, a faint smile spread across his face.

"I love this song," he muttered, his eyes still closed. The breath of his words hit my face. I was examining her perfect face. I said I don't like staring at people. I think he was the first person I ever ignored this from.

I looked at the darkness under his eyes. He looked like he hadn't slept in days. I lifted my hand and moved it to the dark circle under my eye. I wanted to touch you for no reason. I felt like I would disappear if I touched it. If I touched him, it was as if I could erase all his tiredness. When I was inches away from touching it, I gave up, curled my fingers, and closed my hand. He must have felt this because he slowly opened his eyes and looked at me. I lowered my hand and pulled it towards me, and I was relieved that he didn't see this move.

"You look tired," I said. The song was about to end. Maybe it was the first time that the ending of a song bothered me so much.

"I haven't been able to sleep properly for a few days." When he said that, I looked at him with curiosity. What caused him to lose so much sleep? Why would a person torture himself like this?

"From where?" I asked, raising one of my eyebrows. I couldn't believe I asked this myself. My curiosity was overcoming my shyness. Because I doubted I would ever meet a man as mysterious as him again. As a psychology student, the thing I enjoyed most was solving mysterious souls. That was the job of psychology, first, it solved the souls and then it healed them. Just as you cannot heal a wound whose location you do not know, you cannot heal a soul you cannot resolve.

"I don't know. I think I think too much at night," he explained, his lips moving very harmoniously as he spoke.

"I was wondering what the thought was that got you into this situation," I said, continuing to look at him carefully. His gaze was wandering recklessly over every part of my face.

"I'm sorry, but the doors of my mind are strong." He refused to say. I gave him a sarcastic smile.

"As long as it's not locked, it's fine," I replied. We had a metaphorical dialogue between us, and I liked it for no reason.

"As long as you find the key, it's okay." He raised one of his eyebrows defiantly. I looked at him impressed. While his word games should have annoyed me, they had the opposite effect on me. This situation increased my desire to solve it.

It looked like a complicated knot.

It's the type of knot I would most like to untie.

Did he want to be dissolved?