Chapter 5 5

The next day, I laid on my bed, staring up at the ceiling.

My mind was a whirlwind of thoughts after having written in my journal a few moments earlier. For some reason, I was thinking about what it meant to have a crush on someone.

It would be interesting to know who came up with the word 'crush' as it feels like such a juvenile word. I guess that it must have been invented by someone who wished to demean the idea of young love.

When my brother had teased me about having a crush on Zayn all those years ago, I had not really liked the word. I knew that what I felt was more than that: I loved him.

Zayn was the one.

As much as I tried to deny it, I knew it to be true, for he was the only person that I ever saw myself being with. Zayn was my everything, and I think in some strange way he always had been.

"I can't believe I almost kissed him," I said out loud to myself while fisting my bed sheets.

To think, all it would take for everything to change between myself and Zayn would be just one kiss. Who knew that something so simple could turn our world upside down? Be it for better or worse, if we did kiss, our relationship as we knew it would never be the same again.

My entire world had changed three years ago when my feelings for Zayn evolved.

After all, they say that you never forget your first love.

It was obvious that if we had kissed last night, it would not have been one of our typical sibling-like kisses. From the way he was touching and looking at me, I got the feeling that it would have definitely been a kiss between lovers and not just friends.

Or at least that is what I chose to believe.

Today a group of us were planning on going to get some shopping done for our upcoming trip to Monaco.

Since we turned thirteen, we usually invited a few close friends to come with us each summer. We would take a flight on my parents' private plane, then stay on a large yacht belonging to Zayn's parents for about two weeks and sail about the Mediterranean until the end of July.

From Monaco, the three of us would then visit our grandparents. Since we were basically raised like siblings, we would go to Qatar with Zayn, then he would come with us back to Paris.

On August 15th, we would celebrate our birthdays, then begin preparations to head back out for the new school term. Seeing as we all attended the same private Catholic school that our mothers Mikayla and Hannah had gone to, we would need to sort out uniforms, as well as a few other things, and relax a bit before heading back out to the new semester.

To be honest, I was nervous for this summer.

Especially after what had taken place last night, I had no idea what was going to happen. A part of me just wanted to crawl under a rock and hide, as I knew he would want to talk about what had happened.

That was how we were; anytime we had any sort of misunderstanding or just had something on our minds, we would share it with each other.

Although, I was breaking that routine by not confessing my feelings for him.

As I continued to lay on my bed, mulling over my thoughts, the sound of my phone went off.

I rolled my eyes and giggled as I read a message from Jessica.

Jessica:

"Sooooo...

What happened when you guys got home? Did you get stuffed last night? How did his meat and two veg taste? 🤤"

Kaelyn:

"Oh bloody hell woman 😫

You know very well that nothing happened between us!"

Jessica:

"Bugger... 😑

Well you can't blame me for being optimistic! There is still the rest of the summer for you two to get it done, I am not worried at all!"

Kaelyn:

"Ha ha! Very funny but yea no!

I told you that I don't want you trying to play cupid. I just want to have a nice calm and relaxing summer.

I really don't want to freak myself out any more than I already am."

Jessica:

"Did you two speak at all about what happened last night?

I swore you guys were going to get it in after the way you two were dancing 🥵🥵

Had me all horny and everything..."

Kaelyn:

"Perv, you're always horny 🤭...

But yea, we've never really

danced like that before 😳

And no, we didn't speak, I continued to pretend to be sick and went to my bedroom and locked the door."

Jessica:

"Good lord woman you are such a flipping coward!"

Kaelyn:

"Eeyup! But I'm sure he'll corner me about it today when we go out shopping.

You still meeting us for 3pm right?

I'm surprised you're even up already!"

Jessica:

"Yes ma'am! And well what can I say, I was excited to know about how your night turned out, especially since you guys left so early. But I should have known your ass would have backed out..."

Kaelyn:

"I'll make it up to you later...

Since you're up, you should get off the phone and start getting dressed.

It's already after 1pm...

How hungover are you?"

Jessica:

"Just a little, but well enough to go do some damage in those stores.

Need to get some extra sexy pieces, see if we can pick me up a boyfriend this summer, maybe a sexy Italian or something 😏🍆💧"

Kaelyn:

"😅 I hear you...

See you soon!"

I laughed softly as I put my phone down and got out of bed. Raising my hands towards the ceiling, I stretched and did a few yoga poses before going into the bathroom to get ready.

After having a long relaxing shower, I quickly blew-dry my thick hair, then passed the heated brush through it a few times, watching as it cascaded straight down to the middle of my back with a slight wave towards the end.

Standing in front of the mirror in just my bra and panties, I slowly scrutinized my body.

Cupping my large breasts, I turned to the side as I removed my hands. They were not as perky as I wanted, but given their heaviness, I was grateful that they had a nice lift for their size. My stomach was alright I suppose, it was not completely flat but it was fine enough that I felt comfortable showing it off.

To be honest I was more self-conscious of my breasts and my ass, those you could not really hide. I do not exactly know why I was so shy about those particular parts of my body. I think it had more to do with the attention that it provoked from the opposite sex.

I just wanted people to see me for who I was, and not what I looked like.

My parents showed me that beauty came in all shapes, sizes and colours. And I had a healthy enough self-esteem that I did not drastically hate anything about myself.

But I was a teenager after all. Having issues relating to our self-image was a rite of passage.

Or, as I slowly began to notice and understand more as I was getting older, matters concerning our appearance occur simply because we are human. It did not matter our age, gender or race, to be human was to have self-doubt, no matter the issue.

While getting dressed, my phone notification went off again. I thought that it was Jessica, but was surprised to see that it was a message from my twin brother.

Kamdyn:

"Hey big head!

Are you still sleeping?

Should I send Zayn with the spare key to come get you? 😉"

I stared at the screen for a second before scrunching up my face as my fingers began tapping frantically on the screen.

Kaelyn:

"Hey bigger head!

Don't you dare send Z up here!

What's the rush anyway? We still have plenty of time before we need to leave."

Kamdyn:

"Zayn keeps asking for you..."

Kaelyn:

"Really? 😮

What's he been saying?"

Kamdyn:

"Nuh uh, I can't divulge,

I already said more than I should have..."

Kaelyn:

"So what the heck you even

bring it up for if you're not gonna

tell me anything grr!"

Kamdyn:

"All I can say is get that ass of yours to the kitchen!"

Kaelyn:

"Hold your horses,

I'll be down in a few..."

Letting out a slight huff, I quickly finished putting on a black floral skater dress with short sleeves and threw on a pair of white trainers. After massaging my facial moisturiser into my skin, I applied some mascara and lip-gloss, I grabbed my favourite black mini crossbody bag then gave myself one last look in the mirror before leaving the room.

When I walked into the kitchen, I found my brother and Zayn standing by the kitchen island.

"There she is! Finally decided to grace us with your presence?" Kamdyn teased as he stood by the blender, making a protein shake.

My eyes shifted between the two of them as I entered and grumbled a greeting before moving to stand just next to Zayn who was happily munching on some fruits.

Before I knew what was going on, Zayn smiled and raised his hand to me, pressing a piece of strawberry to my lips. With our eyes locked, my lips parted and I felt the tip of is index finger graze my tongue before my mouth closed.

Zayn then put that same finger into his mouth while never breaking eye contact. The action was innocent and sexy all at the same time and I could not help the blush that crept across my cheeks.

Using his other hand, Zayn ran his fingers through my straight hair, "No curls today?"

My voice seemed stuck in my throat so I simply shook my head.

"Well, you look beautiful no matter how you have your hair..." he said, his voice trailing off as he paused for a moment before asking, "Feeling better this morning?"

The grin that Zayn flashed told me that he knew that I had been faking.

"I'm feeling much better, thanks for asking," I said as convincingly as I could, before walking around him to steal my brother's smoothie that he had just finished pouring into a glass.

"Hey! That's mine!" Kamdyn complained.

"And now it's mine... Don't look at me like that, you can quickly make another one..." I then brought the straw to my lips and grinned after taking a long sip, "It's delicious!"

As my brother grumbled and began piling ingredients into the blender once more, Zayn only laughed while he continued to watch me as he nibbled on various pieces of fruit.

The way his fingers came to his mouth, my eyes were drawn to the action, admiring the way that his lips moved as he chewed. I knew that I was staring at him, but it seemed like I just could not help myself. Especially when it seemed like he was putting on a show for me as he winked, pulling me from my trance.

"Damn tease..." I mumbled under my breath, the noise of the blender hiding my complaint.

Looking away from him, I finished the smoothie then left the kitchen, telling Zayn and my brother that I would meet them out front. I almost reached the main foyer when I felt someone grab my wrist and pull me into the hallway on the side.

"We need to talk," Zayn said as he trapped me between the wall and his body.

"A–about what?" my voice faltered a bit, as being this close to him caused my heart to race.

"Last night," he replied, his eyes never leaving mine.

Licking my lips nervously, "What about last night?"

A breathy laugh escaped him, "I see you're going to make this hard on me..." Zayn's voice trailed off as his hand came up and cupped my cheek.

Biting my bottom lip at his touch, my breathing deepened as his thumb moved and pulled my lip from between my teeth. His thumb then caressed my lip slowly before he himself exhaled harshly.

I watched as Zayn's head began to dip, and as his lips were just about to touch mine, I panicked.

"We can't!" I yelled out, while pushing away from him.

As my feet quickly carried me past the foyer, I walked out onto the courtyard in front of the house, leaned against one of the pillars and closed my eyes, trying to calm my racing heart as I took deep breaths.

"You are so stupid! You should have let him kiss you!" I muttered to myself, as my hands gently slapped my cheeks, as though trying to wake myself from a dream.

Having immediately regretted my actions, I psyched myself up to talk to him while we were out shopping.

The least I could do was hear what he had to say, and if he tried to kiss me again, I would let him.