Chapter 3 PREGNANCY HINTS

"What kind of tests?" I implore.

"My assessment indicates that there is a high possibility that you are pregnant!"

Bewilderment and nausea catch me off guard. I am thunderstruck, and I find my feeble self slamming on the bed with my buttocks.

Turmoil and despair, skepticism and denial, all surge in me like savage explosions, erupting an indestructible internal catastrophe.

Pregnant?

Pregnant!?

Dear heavens, dear heavenly Father who sits at the throne of mercy, don't do this to me. This has got to be a joke. I can't afford this for now. Not when Ray still doesn't have the guts to tell his family about us. Not when there is still this vagueness in our relationship.

As if the heavens had their doors shut when I was making that short prayer, the door flows ajar, and Ray strides in, his sweet scents stroking that familiar adrenaline rush and sparking all over me.

It would be heaven to have a mini-him, the fruit of our love, but how would he take the news? How would a pregnancy compromise his life? What would it mean to him?

"Doc? What's wrong with her?" He implores after taking his stand beside me, his rightful place, his loving arm possessing my waist.

"She is..."

"I am fine, Ray!" I hijacked the doctor's statement, earning questioning glares from them both. "The doctor asked that I go down to have a few tests, but I was just telling him that it's not necessary. I feel okay now." I lie. It stings to lie with this boldness to the man I love, but I have to.

"But Miss Irma, like I said,

"Doc," I cut him off again, and this time he seals his lips, perhaps getting my memo, "if this happens again, I promise I will come to see you. But for now, I don't see the point." I emphasize.

The doctor lazily nods his head.

"If you say so," he says.

Great! I was about to release a sigh of relief, but I had forgotten I have a smartass for a secret boyfriend. He doesn't get fooled easily, and this wasn't just about to be his first time.

"I think it's necessary. We are doing the tests, doc!" Ray speaks.

My breath gets hooked somewhere in my throat as I snap my face at him. I am struggling to breathe as our eyes meet. I know the look in his eyes. It speaks of bold dominance. Something that you wouldn't want to defy, but I have always found a way to soothe him. This won't be my first time failing, right?

"But, Ray, I..."

"My decision is final, Irma." He cuts me off. "You are not okay. We need to know what the problem is." His despotic voice echoes with power.

"Come on, Ray! I said I was fine. There is no need for this, honestly." I plead, but who am I fooling?

"We will see you in your clinic tomorrow, doc. I will personally accompany her." He says this to the doctor, ignoring my plea.

"Very well, Mr. Rayson. I should leave now. See you tomorrow." The doctor says this, grabbing his bag.

"Sure, doc. Remember, no single word about any of this should be said to anyone. Can I count on you?" Ray asks.

"You have nothing to worry about, Mr. Rayson. My mouth is sealed." The doctor replies, not forgetting to throw a quick glance at me.

I would like to know what's going on in this doctor's head, but I think I will have no way of finding out.

After they shake hands, the doctor marches out of the room, leaving me and Ray alone, staring at each other. I don't know what he is thinking, but I am wondering what his reaction would be if the doctor's assumptions were correct. What would happen? Will he finally grab the bull by its horn and acknowledge me as the love of his life to his parents? Then we get married and start our family? Would his parents accept me? Or what would he do?

"It's best if you rest today." Ray breaks the stare challenge, and now I feel like bursting into bitter outbursts of laughter.

Rest, he said?

"Are you mocking me right now?" I snap. "The Madam will kill me if she learns that I haven't reported to my duties until now and you are talking of resting for a whole day?" I am fuming inside with unwarranted rage. I feel so angry, but I can't tell with what. Maybe the thought that he isn't contemplating breaking this secret out soon is taking a toll on me.

"Leave my mother to me. I will talk to her." He says it calmly.

Ooh, he will? Great, right?

"What will you tell her, Ray? Will you tell her who I really am to you?" I ask, and his face drops.

He isn't ready.

"Come one, Irma. It's not..."

"Not the right time?" I cut him off, and he raised his face to confront mine.

"You know why that is." He pleads.

"You know, Ray. I love you so much, and you know it. But I don't want this secret relationship anymore. There is nothing like the right moment for anything in this world. It's all about grabbing the opportunity and making the moment right for what we want. What we love Until you are brave enough to let your people know about me, don't come near me!" I stare at him, and I feel his hand leave my waist, his eyes scanning the layers of my eyes one by one.

I thought I was bold enough to make my demands. I deserve it. It's my right to ask this, right? Why do I feel like I am about to break down now? Why am I feeling hurt even before he says anything?

Or maybe it's because he seems dry of words. It's clear on his face. I can't even decipher the look he is giving me, nor can I understand his facial idioms. One second he seems so pregnant with a zillion things to say, perhaps excuses. The next second, he is just flat, like he has absolutely nothing to say about this.

Well, I am neither a magician nor an angel, so I cannot understand what he is thinking about. And before I break down in front of him, before the pain I'm concealing inside bursts out, I leave him to ponder my demands. With a very heavy heart and a weary self, I stride out of his room.