Chapter 1 Allen

Allen could no longer count how many times she woke up crying and trembling from just a simple dream.

A dream of laughter, soft kisses, loving touches, and promises of staying together forever If it's just anyone else, those dreams would probably be the perfect way to start a day. However, Allen wasn't just anyone else, and those dreams weren't just fake scenarios the mind sometimes made up; they were memories of a time Allen thought would never end.

Maybe the fact that she was completely wrong was what made those dreams horrible for her. Maybe it's the fact that those dreams are memories of a time long gone and how they kept on reminding Allen about it nearly every day-maybe that's why she always feels so broken every time it happens.

On particularly bad days, there would be intrusive thoughts trying to convince him to just run away. Some of those thoughts would sympathize with her sadness; the rest would pity her for all the things that had happened. Either way, Allen couldn't help but sometimes let those negativities swallow her whole.

"I always got left behind by the people I love, Allen. Sorry, I can't let you go; you are mine. Don't make things difficult for yourself."

"Maybe if you try to understand him a little, but he would never kill your family."

"Allen, stay inside; don't go anywhere; Sebestian needs us."

"Mum?"

Ah. The only reason Allen has never completely succumbed to those harmful thoughts

As she blinks the tears away, Allen sees a young boy by the door to her bedroom. Her baby, six years old now, with jet black hair, rosy cheeks, and round eyes, loves and cares for him more than the world.

"Alexander, come here, baby."

Her pup is Alexander James, not Will.

Alexander is Allen's world. Her whole universe, even The child she didn't even know she carried when she ran away from her husband She lived a destructive life after the separation; she ran away from their half-empty house because half of her soul had left. She didn't even pack anything when she left-just the key to her worn-down bike-and drove way past speed limits away from the streets of the city. She lived on the streets scared that he would find her, and she would've most likely driven herself to insanity and was literally starving herself to death-and she would probably be too if it weren't for a kind guy who found her pitiful unconscious self next to a dumpster.

The guy took her to the nearest hospital, took care of her in a way Allen wasn't even capable of, and was very patient with her despite Allen's clear intention of ending her life. She literally fought Alvin tooth and nail in the busy halls of the hospital, crying out about how there was really no point to living anymore.

Allen would've probably succeeded in jumping off the hospital's roof had Alvin not shouted out in time to tell Allen that she was pregnant.

Allen would forever be grateful for what Alvin did for her, much more so for telling Allen about her pregnancy. The news made Allen freeze in her steps long enough for Alvin to pull her back to safety.

There were a lot of mixed emotions that Allen felt at the time. It wasn't like she was suddenly "healed" when she knew she was carrying; quite the opposite, actually. She was inconsolable from then on. She was wailing like a wounded animal, scratching her skin until it tore open, and stopping only because she was both sedated and tied to her bed. In her haze, she was asking her husband, 'No, he is dangerous for my child; he killed my family; he can harm my child.'

It took a lot of time and a lot of tears and blood until finally Allen was somewhat calm enough to think of what she should do next. Bringing Alexander to the world safely had been her first thought and instantly became her number one priority because, in her mind at the time, Alexander was the only reminder of Sebestian that she still had.

However, as time went by, Alexander became a miracle on its own for Allen. Her son came to her as a fulfillment of her dream of having a family, one that was partly broken when she saw her husband's true face. Alexander became Allen's sole purpose for living her life, her only reason to keep a smile on her face. Alexander became the warrior that will always battle her sadness away, as apparently Allen is to Alexander too, according to him.

Allen was shaken out of her thoughts when her son quite literally crashed into her embrace, tipping Allen's body back to the bed and burying his face in the crook of Allen's neck, like he always does in the morning.

"I love you, mommy," Alexander says in a mumble, still loud enough for Allen to hear.

Ah. The fresh tears that Allen just let out are completely different from the ones she woke up with.

"I love you too, my heart," she replies with a firm kiss to the top of Alexander's head, "so, so much."

Their morning continues on for about ten minutes like this: Alexander cuddles his mother as best he can, washing away the sadness from Allen's arm.

Alexander might have mastered the art of walking correctly now and has already told Allen countless times that he's capable of walking on his own, yet it never stops Allen from carrying her son in her arms to get down the stairs and into the kitchen every morning. It has become a little tradition for both of them somehow, and big boy Alexander would just let his mommy carry him without a word, but only at this time of the day.

"My baby is so heavy already," Allen notes, with amusement clear in her tone. "I swear you were not this heavy and this tall yesterday."

Allen could swear she felt her son puffing out his chest at her words. She held back her laughter when she heard the pride loud and clear in Alexander's tone: "I am growing up; of course I am getting heavier and taller!"

"Mmhh," Allen hums along, making it sound like she's not quite convinced by Alexander's statement. "And why exactly would my baby want to grow up so fast?"

The moment the question left Allen's lips, it was almost as if it flipped a hidden switch in Alexander's attitude. From a clingy baby hiding away in his mother's arms, Alexander suddenly pulls his head back to face Allen with his stars-dotted eyes, excitement so apparent in his eyes that his small body shakes with it.