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"But if you want the truth, here is everything that happened," I say. "No more secrets."
He shifts on his rock, sliding forward, his head tilted toward me, looking up at me from beneath his lashes. His fingers lace together once more.
"Just after we ended things, I woke up with a voice in my head," I say, going back to the beginning-our end. "I didn't understand how it was possible and I had no idea who it was. But over a few lunars, we confided in each other. I don't know how we couldn't have bonded, having direct access to each other's thoughts like that. I didn't know until that day Dominion arrived on Korpillion that it was Valen Nero I had been communicating with all that time."
Zayne swears, shaking his head. But I keep talking.
"It was Valen who gave me all those credits and The Corsair," I say. "We ran into each other during the time you and I got separated. When we touched, I..." I hesitate, my memory going back, remembering every little detail. It feels so, so long ago. "I saw the future. Our future. I saw he and I together. I saw us ruling. I saw us with dominion over a ruined planet. He was my king and I, his queen."
I see the tendons in Zayne's jaw tighten and his eyes darken.
"It's not something I can explain, but I felt our future. It felt so real. And it ripped my heart to shreds when the touch ended and that future was suddenly gone."
I shake my head, and that same feeling pulls my heart to pieces.
"I left Korpillion knowing what my future would be," I say. "Knowing that one day I would stand by Valen's side. But I couldn't let it come true. I couldn't let myself become that person, no matter how much it tore me apart, knowing the love I could have."
Zayne makes a fist and covers it with his other hand. I feel his hatred for every word I'm saying.
"I tried to stay away, Zayne," I say, my voice coming out breathy. "I really, really did. I didn't talk to Valen for so long. You saw how withdrawn I became, how depressed I was. I was fighting against everything that awoke in me. But in the end, I wasn't as strong as I needed to be. I called Valen to us."
Zayne's eyes spark at that, his head whipping up, his brows furrowed.
So I explain how Valen came. How he made everyone aboard the ship sleep. I tell him that we talked. How Valen told me he couldn't leave Cyrillius. How it broke me. But that it sealed my resolve.
"Valen left and I knew then that I'd gotten my answer. I could stay away. I wouldn't call him again, not while he was who he was and worked for who he worked for."
I take a breath, remembering how dead I felt inside, even though I was using everything in me to pretend to be okay.
"But we got to Salypso and I started my training, and I think it woke something in my abilities," I continue my story. "I began having visions of the future. So many of them. And in everything I saw, it was Valen and I, together."
Emotion wells in my eyes. I remember waking with the worst feeling of loneliness in my heart. I remember the tears and the screams that ripped through me.
"We built a home here together on Kaelea," I say, remembering every detail. "We married. We had two children together. But always, there was Dominion. Always, we were pawns." My voice hardens. My fingernails claw against the rock beneath my hands.
"I finally reached out to Valen, and found we had both seen our family. And he couldn't stand the thought of what Cyrillius would do to us, either. It broke both of us."
I look back up, meeting Zayne's eyes. And I see something softer there now. I've said something he never expected.
"I knew that for whatever reason, Valen couldn't leave Cyrillius, so I did what I do best."
"Run in with your head down, thinking you're capable of more than you are," Zayne says, nailing me exactly.
I give a little smile, nodding.
"I knew you would never let me go to Isroth to kill Cyrillius, so I got Edan wrapped into my idiotic plan," I say, my eyes flicking toward the barracks, where I know Edan is sleeping. "Everything possible went wrong there. I couldn't do what I intended. And in the end, I didn't accomplish anything except getting off that planet with Deliverance."
"And even that, you crash through the entirety of space," Zayne says, "because you're a horrible pilot."
I actually laugh. A single tear pushes its way past my eyelashes, and I laugh as I wipe it away, in awe of my own absurdity. "Because I'm a horrible pilot. And the ship wasn't even complete."
A small smile cracks on Zayne's face and he shakes his head.
I sigh, wiping my face, determined not to cry anymore.
"I know you don't understand it, and maybe you'll never believe it's real because fate told us it was our future, but during our time on that empty planet, and even before, I really did fall in love with Valen. I know you will probably never see him as anything but evil. But Valen is different. He loves me. He wants a different future. And he's willing to do anything to make it happen. And he's finally free to do it."
"I don't really understand what that even means," Zayne says with the shake of his head. "I thought we all have our free will, but the two of you said something about him being Cyrillius' prisoner."
I nod. "I didn't know it before, but the Kinduri can put things into your head, twist your thoughts. He used his Kinduri on Valen for years. So whenever Valen thought about leaving Cyrillius, he relived the worst, most terrifying moments of his life. And it stayed that way, until I dove into his mind, found that black knot, and destroyed it. Which wasn't easy."
I see from the look on Zayne's face he doesn't want to believe that it's true, that Valen didn't have total control over his own actions.
Ignoring his expression, I extend my right hand, splaying my fingers, turning my hand over, exposing my palm. All the veins in my hand, wrist, and forearms glow brilliant Neron blue, stark and bright against the dark of the night.
"We made a promise to each other," I say. "To fight for our future. I didn't even know it was possible, but that vow resulted in this. I don't think he could break it even if he wanted to."
Zayne studies the Neron coursing visibly under my skin. He doesn't say anything for several long moments, and I give him the time to consider everything I've just said.
Finally, he makes this little noise of disgust. "You always have to be so slam epic. Not only are you now the third most famous person in the galaxy, you had to go and be star-crossed lovers with the second most notorious person in the galaxy?"
A laugh launches from my lips and I shake my head. I'm so grateful that Zayne is shaking his head with a smile on his lips.
He gives a sigh. "Don't go expecting me to warm up to him anytime soon, but who am I to keep giving you slag about the person you were destined to really be with?"
"Does this mean you'll be pleasant to him?" I ask, raising an eyebrow at him.
"Don't go asking too much," he says, mirroring my expression. "Just because I'm finally over you doesn't mean I have to ever like any other guy in your life."
"I see you haven't warmed up to Edan any more since I last saw you," I say.
He makes a sneering face. "I'll eventually learn to deal with Valen, and who knows, maybe we'll even become cronies. But don't go asking me to be friends with Edan."
"Why?" I ask with a laugh. "What did he ever do to you?"