Chapter 5 A NEW BEGGINING

Love, what's love when it comes to being ourselves? Love, what's that bittersweet sound of love when it comes to being just our sorrows? Love, what's love when it comes to struggling with our own heart that just knows how to cry out the name of the person who made us believe in love once?

Not all seasons would be the same, not even months, not even days and hours would be lived as happily as those ones she shared with the man she thought would stay forever by her side.

Many memories, many laughs, many blessed days she had lived by his side and, for the first time in her life, she had felt valued by a man. How come no one else could see her beauty? How come no one else was there for her as Gabriel was once?

The birds didn't chirp anymore, the sunlight coming through her window didn't warm her just as his hugs did, that particular perfume that she swore life had was no longer breathed in by her because, at the end of the day, life didn't have perfume, life was not written in sceneries where just roses sorrounded the events. A heaven upon hell, a cloud upon fire flames, a cloud that didn't last forever.

If she had failed, if she had forgotten something, if she hadn't shown him how much she was loving him, why didn't he remind her that, instead of rushing behind the woman who was just temptation to him and any other man?

She gave him everything she had; she made him her own life, her breath, her motivation to live, what else he needed to stay by her side, as he seemed to promise to stay every time she ended up in his arms being wrapped by the white bed sheets of his bed.

With tears coming out of her eyes, Alice looked at all the things he had given her one day.

The teddy bear, the dry roses she had saved up between the pages of the books he had gifted her, the earrings, the necklace and the one hundred letters he had written her. For what? All of that, for what? He had toyed with her countless times, he was not even interested in her feelings, he was just not interested in all that love she had for him. He was with her while in his mind, he was with Paloma. That girl he always wished to have. The most popular girl in the school, it would be impossible if he hadn't fallen for her.

Slowly, she picked up from her lap the little teddy bear that one day hung up from one of the zippers on her backpack.

It had been two hours since the moment she had decided to take out all her gifts and remember what had happened with every single one of them.

Sadly, Alice smiled, carrying back to those days where the little teddy bear was the protagonist in their love story full of lies.

Gabriel was always an outgoing boy. She had never seen him quiet, she had always seen him smiling while he enjoyed himself bothering his other three friends. That group of immature boys was one of the worst groups in that big school.

Alice was always that introvert girl who enclosed herself with just two more girls. Alice couldn't describe herself as the most intelligent girl in her classroom, but she was also aware she was doing her best there, in the school she always dreamed of having a place in.

She still remembered that day she encountered that young man she felt like she was loving from the moment he passed by her side hiding from someone putting a book in front of his face while looking up from it every second he could.

It couldn't be just a coincidence that she had been kicked out of her biology class since she hadn't brought the material that was required to work on in that class and Alice preferred to go to the library to prepare the performance she had for her future project in theater.

She had already picked out some books to start working on until she got distracted by the low-hard sounds that were coming from the hallway and ended up being from the young man who entered the hallway where she was and took a book, putting it on his face like he was trying to hide from someone.

Alice's heartbeat increased in the mere instant she recognized him as the boy who never stopped laughing even in front of his teachers. He was not one of his classmates but in one class.

Without being aware of what she was doing and it was, staring at him, he turned around to find the look that he had felt on him.

Rapidly, she looked away, but not for so long since she had been impressed by the natural beauty of that young man. She had already seen him countless times, she had even wished to be as outgoing as him, but until that moment, she realized he was not only the rebellious boy, he was more than that.

For a short instant, he recognized her as his classmate from the literature class. Of course it was her, the girl who showed interest like no other student in the books of Alexander Dumas.

Being friendly, he smiled at her, making Alice get nervous.

And then, he returned his look to his business. Surely, when the person who was looking for him went away, he decided to come out of his hideaway without saying anything because, in the end, he had nothing to say to her.

Some days happened, who would have said since that encounter between them nothing would be the same?

Three more classes were shared with her before the day that was fated for him to finally get over what broke her heart a year later.

For an unknown reason, he started paying attention to those details of the young lady who would not hand in her task before her two friends. How come he could show himself interested in her when she was not even a minimal part of Paloma, the woman that had stepped on his heart some months earlier?

He had not changed his mind about that woman. He still remembered himself being his clown to conquer her heart, but maybe the problem was not exactly in the things he had offered her, maybe she just wanted to be free, she just wanted to keep for herself the title she had in that school and recognition; the most popular girl in that school.

Gabriel was handsome, handsome enough for her likes, but having a boyfriend would be like saying goodbye to all those good things that she had at that moment.

It had been some months since the moment that Paloma said no to his feelings and not only that, she let everyone know that she was not interested in him. It had been some months and Gabriel was still hanging by a tread because of her.

What no one knew was that everything would change from that morning.

Gabriel, being the rebellious boy of always, hanging out with his friends while looking at the girls who passed in front of them and then, to finish raking them, would continue doing that for that morning or even, for all the mornings that he was fated to live in that school as long as he didn't hand in his last projects to start filling up the required documents to apply for a colleague if it had not been for her. Something else was fated to happen at that moment.

Inexplicably, the same smile he had seen over and over at the class they shared lit up his path in such a different way. He had already seen her countless times in the library, in the hallways of the school, in the cafeteria and, of course, in their class, but at that moment she was walking in his direction with her two girlfriends, he could not help looking at her and looking at that smile she was giving to the world. For an instant, he could swear that not even Paloma would've made him take his eyes off of the young lady in front of him, even if she passed in front of his eyes.

Her way continued, she was talking with her girlfriends, maybe about the book she was holding between her arms, but in the end, he didn't care about what she was doing, he just cared about her smile.

When he felt he was losing her, at the mere instant she turned to the left about to lose herself on the stairs that would encounter her at the end of the hallway, he felt like doing something. He was being a slave to her and to her smile accompanied with her smooth laughs.

Those wishes of not losing her so soon and wishes that he didn't have the courage to say out loud were heard from a mystic heaven that made the teddy bear hanging from her backpack fall down.

The world stopped at the moment he went directly to take the teddy bear. Of course, he had no intention of giving it back to her at that moment; he knew he had to wait for that day until he could give it to her.

And that day came. Of course, it didn't happen immediately the day when he found the little teddy bear on the ground. His reason had made him aware of his rush, his mind forced him to wait, but the more he waited, the more her smile stuck into his heart.

Tears flowed from her eyes, with pain in her heart; Alice hugged the little teddy bear. She was never going to forget how their love story started. She just wanted to know how all of that finished in one instant and maybe that was the problem. It was not only one moment that he failed her, it had been countless times that Gabriel had gone to Paloma's arms to find what he didn't have with Alice.

"Thank you for your help with the test," said Gabriel, looking into her eyes.

That smile of hers was still there and that seemed to be her best accessory because, if he had to be honest with himself, she was not even the minimal part of Paloma. Alice was different; Alice didn't dress in colorful and short dresses like Paloma. With black or even blue jeans and sweaters of all colors, Alice was ready to start a new day.

"Don't worry, Mrs. Foster is always like this."

"Don't you think she's going to catch us cheating on the test?"

"If that happens, I'll tell her you have no idea of what we have to do and I helped you just a little."

"I never thought you would also be cheating on the test, you seemed to be very interested in the books she recommended us before," continued Gabriel the conversation to make it go on.

"Yeah, I was interested before but she had just told us to read a modern book. I hate how people write nowadays."

Gabriel giggled. How come he had never realized her beauty before?

"Oh, by the way," expressed Gabriel, opening his backpack. "Some days ago, I think you lost something," he said happily to know the day the teddy bear was fated to come back to its owner had come.

That was his purpose. He said he would give her back her little teddy bear by the moment he was sure of having her friendship and that was exactly what he was doing. He didn't want a relationship with her, he was sure of that; he just wanted to have her attention.

Curiously, Alice stared at him. It would be good to have a relationship with him. She was sure of that. In that brief instant, he lost himself in his backpack to look for that thing he said she had lost. Alice couldn't help but imagine how it would be to go on a hike together, to do their homework together, to have their meals in their off hours. Alice couldn't help but imagine what it would be like to have a boyfriend as romantic as him. She had never had a boyfriend, she didn't just want to have a boyfriend to feel what it actually was, she knew the moment her lips were kissed it had to be because the person was special to her and her heart. Too soon, but since she started exchanging some words with him about the classes in the last two weeks, she saw in him something she had never seen before in any man.

"And here he is!" said Gabriel loudly, showing her the little teddy bear she thought she had lost days ago.

Her eyes dazzled. "Oh, my... I can't believe this!" promptly, she took the teddy bear from his hand. "Thank you so much! I thought I had lost him! My sister gave it to me; she said she made it with her own hands. Well, technically, she is not my sister by blood but... anyway, it's a long story."

Gabriel smiled at seeing how she let herself carried away. "I'm sorry, I forgot I had it and every time I went back home I said 'once again, I didn't give it to her' "

"Thank you," she looked deeply into his eyes.

Silence, just silence was breathed in and out there. What they were feeling was the same, but regrettably, their thoughts were not.

"I think I have to go," Alice broke the ice.

"Yeah, I have to stay a little longer because of some classes I have," he rolled up his eyes.

"See you around," she expressed smiling.

"But w-wait u-up!"

"Yes?"

"When will our next class be?" asked Gabriel foolishly.

Alice giggled. He seemed to be nervous. "Don't you remember? We're in the middle of the course and you don't know. Remember, Monday and Friday, just two classes per week."

Gabriel looked at her shyly. "Sorry, I forgot things easily."

"See you around!"

Even if he couldn't see the big smile on her face, she smiled like she had not done for a while. Pointless it was to continue hiding what her heart was feeling every time she was near him. It had been a couple of weeks since the first time he talked to her, putting as an excuse the task they had to hand in by that moment. She had been reborn, it wasn't like he was the only man she had liked until that moment, but it was indeed the first man that had made her feel that sea of emotions that hit inside her every time he looked at her. For the first time in her life, she didn't want to change her personality, her style or even anything about her.

So, a week went by after having the teddy bear come back to its owner.

"What are you doing, Gabriel? We can't be here!" said Alice out loud.

"Wait, just a minute!" asked Gabriel, hiding her behind a column near the classroom where they were supposed to be already.

"Gabriel, we have our class, come on! We shouldn't miss this class. What's going on? Why don't you want to be there?"

"Okay, I guess I have to be honest with you," Gabriel sighed.

"Tell me!"

"I didn't bring my homework."

"What?!" Alice's eyes widened in surprise. Everyone knew how important it was for that precise class. "Gabriel! That has to be your project!"

"Yeah, I know, but I can't do anything!"

"So, do you think you're going to resolve this by just standing up here?"

"If I'm not mistaken, the teacher said we have the right to miss his class three times per month, so, I don't see any problem not entering their class."

"So, why am I doing here? I have to continue with my project."

"Oh, really? Because yesterday the teacher said just three teams had handed in their plans for their projects and I think he mentioned your name, so, you won't have any problem coming with me!"

"Go with you? What are you talking about?!"

The truth was he had never felt a connection like the one he was feeling with her. The truth was he had never shared a moment outside of school with a woman like her. He even remembered himself going out with his friends and the girls they had invited outside, but nothing had been as interesting as the one escape he was planning with her.

Alice's heartbeat increased dramatically. He, the person she liked the most, was inviting her to spend some time together, because it didn't matter if the place that was fated to save them from the austere manner of intimidating students of the teacher was the library, because more than the fact of spending time together, he was offering her to be happy for a moment.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but I can't," she expressed, remembering it couldn't be a good idea since she felt like falling for him so soon.

"Please, Alice, I'm asking you this because I know it won't risk you in any way and this absence in his class could save me. Please, Alice, help me out here," Gabriel placed his hands together like he was begging for her company but more than her company, her presence in his life.

"Why don't you call your friends?"

"Because they are in their respective classes," he answered obviously.

"Perfect. I also have to be in my class." She walked ahead, willing to leave him alone.

"I warned you!"

"Wha-?"

And suddenly, she couldn't say anything, since Gabriel had already proclaimed her as his for the time being.

Suddenly, Gabriel took her hand, making her run behind him with no explanation.

Suddenly, her heart knew what to do. He was not a playboy, of course; instead, he was an adolescent trying to live the life she wanted to live deeply in her heart.

So many memories, so many tears she had given him the last fifteen days and he was not able to leave her heart alone as he found it first.

Sitting down on the grass they were a year and half ago, Alice smiled sadly. How easy it could be for others to just accept that a couple has broken up! Maybe that was the difference between all those people and her. She was not like them, she was different, she felt different, she just gave everything to herself just because it was 'what people expect in a relationship', and she had done that because she felt like doing that genuinely.

She truly loved him, no matter how young she was, she really loved him.

The last memory came to her, the same event that shouldn't have happened if she had only known she was going to suffer all that pain that was poisoning her heart.

"And, do you have a boyfriend?" asked Gabriel, playing around with some stones he had picked up from the grass they were sitting on.

Her cheeks were colored with the red color of love. "What? Why is that important for the plan of your project?" she asked, looking away while stopping to write down the ideas Gabriel had for his project.

After all, they only had twenty minutes to finish the homework he was supposed to do last night.

Gabriel looked at her. No, it was not important to the plan of his project, but it was important for him. He had said he didn't want to have a relationship with her but, what if he had changed his mind? Was it wrong?

Without having the necessity to look at him, she knew he had his eyes on her.

"Alice?" called him, ready to do what he hadn't done before.

It hadn't ever been a necessity to place his lips on a woman's lips first. They would always kiss him whenever he asked for that with his look.

"Yes, Gabriel?"

"Alice?" Now, he was picking on her shoulder to make her look at him.

"What, Gabriel?"

Finally, Alice raised her head just to find Gabriel's gaze and then, find her way on his lips because all of a sudden, with no permission, Gabriel had broken all her boundaries to finally reach her lips, making her open her eyes widely while he had closed his eyes to enjoy the paradise where he had landed on.

The story had finished in the mere place it had begun.

The sad smile she had on her face was replaced just by a lifeless look that matched her pale skin. She was going to be a mom. In her insides a baby was being fed by the sorrows of his or her future mother.

No, Gabriel didn't deserve to know about that baby. She was going to raise him alone, she didn't deserve to be rejected twice, it was enough for her and, for the first time in her life, she had to look after herself.

With pain in her heart, she tore apart all the cards he had given her. In the same place she had been for a while, everything started one day and everything was over.

With no more words, with no more energy in her body or at least, no more energy to do anything else but walk her way back home, she got up from the grass and leaving the things he had given her one day there, she ran away, away from the memories, away from those warm days where everything was just happiness.

The luggage was ready, the beginning of another life was about to knock on her door, but on the door of everywhere else except that place. Just darkness was all she could see in that house, it was not healthy for her and her future baby to stay where just pain was being breathed. By that moment, Alice had accepted the mistake and the price of that mistake; she had also accepted that baby as her new motivation to start over her life.

"Oh, the taxi is here!" claimed Rosa, taking down the luggage.

"I'll help you," said Maria.

Alexa and her sister, just the two of them giving their respective farewell to that place that had suffered with them too.

"Are you ready, Alice?"

Alice looked at her sister. She was as innocent as the first day she met Gabriel.

"Yeah, I think so," a sad smile was given to her sister.

"A new start is waiting for us, we're going to raise that baby well, you're going to be a good mother, I'm positive!"

"Do you think I'm doing well? Do you think I should just run away like I'm doing?"

"It's your decision and if you feel like this is the best for you, let's do it! Sometimes we deserve to be a little selfish."

Alice smiled for the second time. Yes, she knew it was the best for her and her baby. Gabriel didn't have the right to know about his baby. Surely, he'd kick her out of his house because in the end of the day, they were too young to be parents.

"Let's go," finally Alice said, taking the only suitcase that was left there.

Alexa smiled, hugging her younger sister by her shoulders and, together, after having kissed her forehead, they walked downstairs where the two other women were waiting for them.