Chapter 4 Recompense

Lucy's POV

It seems as if time goes by so slow. The hours drag by and I only leave my cell to go to the bathroom or eat something. No one comes to see me, and I don't feel like seeing them.

Right now, I'm sitting in my corner like I do so often, picking at a loose thread on the floor. The one good things about padded cells is that they can unravel... I think.

After a few more minutes of pulling at the string, I give up and sigh. Staying in the same spot, I lean my head back against the wall and pull my knees up to my chest, wrapping my arms around them. Staring up at the ceiling that looks so far away, I think of what it would be like to be out of here, able to see the sky whenever I wanted, feel the clean air brush against my skin. Smell all of the different scents associated with being outside.

But of course that will never happen. I'll stay in this place for the rest of my life and never get out. My life will wither away into nothing, I'll be an old lady and still be in this hell hole. No friends, no family I know of, nothing.

For some reason though, that doesn't bother me. I've never really had anyone, just doctors and nurses, and counselors. And all of those people were just out to fix me, make me be the way they want me to be. It's all about them, the way they want things. What he wants. What she wants. Not what I want.

I want to be left alone. Just knowing the fact that there is no hope for me, makes me want to be myself even more. I am who I am and there's no changing that.

Standing up from my position in the corner, I stretch and then stand still for a minute, staring at the door. I know that it's locked and I can't get out, but anyone could come in.

That's the scary part. I could be sleeping in the middle of the night and someone could come in and kill me in my sleep. The camera I broke is still there, no one's come to fix it.

While staring at the door, I slip into a daze, letting my mind roam freely. As I'm doing this, I don't see the door open, I don't see Cole and Leonard enter, I don't see them stand in front of me, and I don't see them pull out a syringe and stick it in my arm. My eyes saw, but I really didn't.

So when the blackness closes in and I can see no more, you could say it surprised me.

_.................

The instant that I wake up, I start scanning my surroundings. I have no idea where I am. I'm not in an operating room, nor in a counselor's office.

Then where the heck could I be?

Struggling to sit up, I see that I can't because I'm bound by ropes around my wrists. Almost hyperventilating now, my eyes grow wide and I struggle even harder to move.

Merinthophobia – fear of being bound or tied up

The words echo in my head, from that first meeting with Blake, Cole and Leonard. My subconscious whispers something to me, and I latch on to the wisp of a thought and bring it to the front of my mind.

Leonard and Cole were the ones that captured me.

Why would they do that? Why! Clenching my eyes tightly shut, I try not to think of what might happen to me, I only think of good things.

But what good things are in my life?

My family was massacred.

I don't talk.

I can't be touched.

Everyone despises me.

I'm. A. Freak.

Thankfully, he takes the ropes off that were tying me down.

"Aww don't be like that girl!" He says, coming over to me.

When Blake walks in, I'm not surprised. He grins happily at me, while I glare back.

Sitting up, I rub my wrists to get the blood flowing again, and to ease the pain a bit.

I'm in a sterile white therapist's office. I had been tied down to one of those little couch things.

"I already knew that you most likely wouldn't come freely, so I had to do that." Blake explains. Just then I realize where I am.

"Now, I'm going to try something new with you. Close your eyes and lean back." When I don't comply with what he said, he shoved me back and just the minimal amount of contact got my heart beating faster and my breath coming out in short gasps.

"Oh shut up I'm not gonna hurt you. I think so at least." He says and I unwillingly close my eyes.

"Relax. Think back to the day everything happened." His voice says softly and I do so, not wanting to in the least.

Thoughts come rushing into the front of my mind, leaving me want to cry and scream. Flashes of blood and dead bodies everywhere, pictures of people's faces looming above me, pitying looks on their faces.

Frantically, I try to pull myself out of the coma like state he somehow put me in.

I don't want to remember, I don't want to remember.

I whimper to myself, internally.

After struggling for a while, I finally seem to be able to break through the strong hold his voice and the memories have created on my mind, and as my eyes flutter open, I'm already running out of the room, out of the door.

Down the hallway.

Up the stairs.

Past some sheep patients.

Down my hallway.

Up more stairs.

Only to come to a skidding stop when I see him.

It's a guy, around the age of 16 or 17, standing at the end of the hallway.

When he hears me coming, he turns his head and looks at me.

I'm not looking at his face though, my eyes are traveling down to look at his clothes. He's wearing some sweatpants and a baggy t-shirt, which is what most of the guys here wear.

"Are you Lucy?" He asks quietly, taking a few steps closer.

On reflex, I whimper.

"I take that as a yes. I'm not going to hurt you. My parents sent me here because I supposedly need 'help'. The doctors and my parents told me to come up to this floor, to this room."

Blinking, I tilt my head slightly to look at him, puzzled. He's got short blonde hair and green eyes.

"I'm supposed to share a room with you."

WHAT?!

"I'm not sure why they want me to be in a room with you, they just said 'you'll be sharing a room with a girl named Lucy.' And then they left." He explains, and I narrow my eyes.

Why would they put him in a room with me? The crazy girl. The lunatic. The girl who could kill him if he did one thing wrong.

"Do you not talk or something?" He asks as I walk past him carefully.

I don't know, and I really don't care as long as he stays far, far away.

In response, I keep quiet.

"I guess that's my answer..." He sighs and follows me into the room, running a hand through his hair. Again, my eyes narrow when I see the piles of cloth on my bed.

Actual clothes, not these hospital issue gowns. And they're girl clothes, for me.

Bribery most likely.

I gather up the clothes, and go to the bathroom located on this hallway to change. Yes, I would accept the clothes, but I wouldn't stop being the way I was.

As I head back to the cell in my new clothes, I dump the hospital gown into a trashcan, and then enter the room.1

The guy is sitting on his bed, which is pushed up against the wall opposite mine, but it isn't blocking my corner, because it's up against the wall that the door is on, and my corner is the one farthest from the door.

"I bet you're wondering who I am... My name's Tendon." He holds out his hand for me to shake, but I completely ignore him and go to sit on my bed. The clothes I'm wearing consist of a pink and black hello kitty tank top, black hello kitty sweat pants and some black socks .

Leaning against the wall, I stare up at the window and wish I was out there, away from here. Eventually I get tired and decide to take a nap.

As I lie down I shoot Tendon a glare and he understands.

"Don't worry I won't touch you." He promises and I close my eyes, curling up into a ball.

Hopefully he'll be the first one to keep his promise. Hopefully...

When I wake up the next day, I glance over at Tendon's bed and see that he's already awake, lying on his back with his hands under his head and staring up at the ceiling. Quietly, as always, I get up and fix my clothes, going over to the door and pulling it open, walking out.

I can hear Tendon get up and follow me.

Going down all of the stairs and to the cafeteria, I don't bother grabbing food, and go over to sit at my normal seat.

To my surprise, Tendon comes and sits right in front of me, with the 'food' on his tray. Looking at him, he looks back and smiles.

"I only know you, so..." Shrugging, he starts eating the 'food'.

I want to tell him that his pills are probably crushed up in there, but I can't. That's what the doctors are doing now. Crushing up the patient's pills and putting them in their food, then coming around and handing out more, so the patients get a double dosage.

Isn't it lovely?

Tedon's POV

Her eyes weren't dull, or lifeless. They held a certain spark that made me think that she didn't take any crap, was headstrong, and defiant.

But she was different.

The minute I saw Lucy, I knew that she was...different from everyone else here. When I first was dragged into this building, I noticed how all of the patients acted like they'd been drugged and sedated.

Then I realized that she didn't talk. But I had to be sure so I asked her. Judging by the way she didn't say anything and walked carefully by me, I guess I was right.

And then, right before she went to sleep she gave me this look.

The words were stated loud and clear, as if she had spoken them out loud.

Don't. Touch. Me.

So now I'm guessing she doesn't want to be touched either.

All I could do was promise that I wouldn't touch her, then go to sleep.

In the morning when I woke up, I looked over at her to see that she was still asleep. I stared at her for a minute, taking in how peaceful she looked, then I diverted my gaze to the ceiling, coming up with reasons as to why she is the way she is.

Coming up with a few that didn't seem just right, I wait until she wakes up.

When she does, she gets up and leaves the room, and I get up quickly to follow her. She leads me down lots of stairs, to the bottom floor, and through some double doors. We enter what I assume to be a cafeteria, and she goes to sit at a table by herself, without any food while I go up to get a tray.

After looking at the food, I can already tell it's going to be gross. But this is going to be my only source of nourishment while here, so I guess I better accept it and move on.

After getting the food, I go over and sit across from Lucy, and she gives me a strange look. I guess people don't sit with her often.

"I only know you, so..." I trail off, and shrug. She looks down at the food and a frown graces her face for a moment, before her face is again clean of emotion.

I start eating, and although the food tastes somewhat normal, I can taste something...different. Frowning, I try to think of what it could be.

That food was drugged.

Only after I'm done eating do I realize...

And that's when the doctors come around, handing out our separate cups of pills. I've been to other institutions before this, and the routine was the same. After breakfast you get your pills. After lunch you get your pills. After dinner you get your pills. If you act up during the day, you get way more pills, and some of them aren't even prescribed for you, but they're just pills that the 'doctors' think are good enough to 'control' the problem.

I look around the room and realize that everyone else has only got about three or four pills in their cups, while I have almost three little cups full.

Then I look over at Lucy.

Two little cups are sitting in front of her, filled with pills of all different colors. Another cup is next to those full ones, and that one is halfway full.

We have something in common, I see.

Her eyes lock with mine, in astonishment, and then I see another flicker of emotion: relief. I know how she feels. It's hard to go day by day, different than everyone else. It's hard to face those looks from the other patients, and the looks from the doctors.

Glancing around the room, I see that the doctors are stationed at different places around the perimeter, watching to make sure everyone swallows their pills.

Staring down at my cups, then at hers, I frown.

I don't want to take the pills. If I were at one of the institutions I went to before this, I would just dump them when no one was looking, as I had done on many occasions, but these doctors were like hawks, staring everyone down if they hesitated.

The pills don't just make you feel like you're high, it gives you this feeling. Like you don't care about anything anymore, and everything's always all right and nothing can go wrong. Your eyes glaze over and everything looks sort of blurred, or shiny, it all depends on what combination of pills you take.

The pills don't just make you feel like you're high, it gives you this feeling. Like you don't care about anything anymore, and everything's always all right and nothing can go wrong. Your eyes glaze over and everything looks sort of blurred, or shiny, it all depends on what combination of pills you take.

But with the amounts of pills Senna and I have, it's even worse. The feeling is horrible. My pills make me dizzy, for a few moments, then my muscles relax and I feel like jell-o. Whenever I try to move, it feels like the floor is a cloud and I'm about to fall through, and I eventually end up collapsing in a heap on the floor.

Nothing is worse than the feeling of being helpless without a way to defend yourself.