Chapter 5 4.5

The way she said it brought back all those bad memories of my ordeal with suzzy

... The ordeal that took everything I worked hard for and threw me in jail.

I dropped her really fast, letting go rather roughly like she was something forbidden for me to touch, she fell very gracefully on her butt but I didn't turn back to look at her or apologise.

'Find your way back home before it gets late'.

I started walking off, not wanting to be around her for another minute longer'.

'You fool, how dare you treat me like this, how dare you?!'.

She screams, cursing after me in pain, I paid no attention cause all I wanted to do was get back in the comfort of my little apartment and forget what the said about rape. The subject of rape has become a very touchy subject for me and the fact that she wanted to accuse me of the same crime that took away my lifelihood isn't sitting well with me. 'You bastard... you would pay for this, i would make you pay with your sweat and blood' Everything happening right now is giving me a sense of de javu. She just said "you would pay for this" and that was exactly what suzzy said to me that night.My blood is boiling and I was minutes away from exploding, everything I really running away from was rushing back, hitting me hard like a wall of brick and I was slowly loosing my mind. sane part of me knew I shouldn't have given In to the provocations and head back to her but right now I was far from being logical. I turn and March back to her, pulling her up effortlessly with one hand.

'Let go of me..... let go of me or I would scream' She threatens.

'Scream Roxanna! I dare you to scream......' The crazed look on my face made her keep quiet but she was whimpering in great fear. 'I dare you to scream if you have the guts 'I yell again making her cower and cry out in pain but I wasn't done with her .'...... that's all you white girl know how to do, all you do is Lie! Lie and lie some more, you all think the world revolves around you, you think everyone ought to be your slave and then you won't hesitate to ruin their life to Ashes when they refuse to dance to your tune..... all of your are just the same, rich spoilt brats with no regards for anyone!' She started crying heavily as I ranted my frustration on her, I was reliving all of my pains and I didn't know when I started crying as well..... my heart was hurting all over again and I couldn't contain it. '.....have had enough of your type trampling over me, this is my territory, my country, my father land so you have no right over me here, absolutely no right!' 'I'm sorry.... I'm sorry Tad!'She cried begging me.... I don't know if it was out of repentance or fear that I might actually hurt her. 'Stay away from me, I don't want to ever see your miserable face again'. Those were my last words to her, a cry followed me all the way home

*******

'Tade are okay?' I jerked back from her unexpected touch. 'Oh Sandra it's you, Yeah.... I'm okay' I forced a smile, picking up the napkin to wipe my wet palm. 'No you're not, you have been acting off since last night when I came to see you' She insists, she alway bring me food anytime I'm off duty and that how she got to see me in my "not so good" state last night, I managed to evade her questions but it seems I won't be able to deceive her one more time.After I left Roxanna and went back home, guilt settled in much later and I regreted acting that way with her, all night long I kept seeing her tears stained face, driving away my sleep.I was mad at myself for loosing control that way..... yes she brought back all my ugly memories but she didn't know my past, she didn't even realise everything she said was a trigger for me and I should have known better than to loose my temper in such a horrible manner.I don't even know if she got home safely and if something did happen to her the it all my fault, my fear only increased when she and her group of friends didn't come to the restaurant for lunch as always.'Sandra I'm okay.... I swear it'She crossed her hand in front of her, giving me a stern look to show she isn't buying my lies'Okay I'm not fine but I would be fine'I rephrase. She nods her head in approval this time and put a reassuring hand on my shoulder'I know you have alot going on with you but if you ever need someone to talk then I'm always available okay''Yes boss, thank you'I tease, she hates being called boss but I call her that at time just for the fun of it.'Say that one more time and you would lose your job'She jokes back walking off to go trouble someone else.I finished my shift very early and started my journey back to my apartment...... Roxanna won't get out of my head and for a moment I easy tempted to go and check on her at the lodge, to see if she's okay but I couldn't, my legs and my pride won't take me their no matter what. A part of me felt I owe her no apology, that she got what she deserve and i knew it was simply taking revenge for suzzy crime which make the other part if me resent it. Roxanna and suzzy may both be white girls and act alike but the truth is they ate two different people and I shouldn't punish one for the mistake of the other. 'What the hell should I do now' 'Maybe you should start by apologising' A new voice Interrupts.