Chapter 4 .

Zander's POV

I'm sitting in my room writing in my journal, but not about my stupid feelings. I'm taking notes on one hundred ways to annoy the shit out of my parents.

This therapy thing is driving me crazy. If I wasn't crazy before, I sure as hell will be. Don't they know guys don't like to talk about feelings?

Dr. Hottie upped our meetings to every afternoon because she has this new radical therapy idea she's developing. I must admit, she's not your typical therapist, but she seems to care. Doc Olivia thinks one day a week wasn't enough to stop me from having the wedding, so here we are.

The problem I have with this is this. First, parents tell you to love yourself before you love someone else. Then when you take their advice, they get pissed. What's wrong with loving myself?

I spent the last two days at Olivia's office spilling my emotions out to her. In return for her stirring up all these feelings, I keep calling her Dr. Hottie because it pisses her off. I tried to kiss her earlier, and she punched me in the nuts. I've been icing my family jewels now for over an hour, and that shit still hurts. I think I may be wearing her down.

"AHHH!"

"AHHH! ALEXANDER!"

I'm laughing to myself now. "Is something wrong out there?"

I think the parental figures found the snake I put in their closet. I named it Fluffy. It seems to like my mom's faux fur.

Okay, I admit it's immature to do this stuff to them. I'm a grown adult, but there is seriously nothing to do around here. You can only go to a club so many times before it gets old. And who hangs out in a bar at four in the afternoon? I'm not an alcoholic.

My dad just burst through my bedroom door looking like he may actually kill me.

OH SHIT! Run! Flee! He's really going to kill me!

I dodge my dad because at this point he has leaped over the bed, ready to strangle me. My dad has one fear, and that's snakes. Finding a ball python in his closet probably wasn't the highlight of his day.

"Why the hell are you naked, old man?"

"Why do you think, you little shit?"

My mom comes in with the snake wearing just a bra and a skirt. I forgot she was a belly dancer when she was younger and danced with them.

Epic fail.

Note to self; Mom loves snakes.

"Mom! Why are you half-dressed? Put some dang clothes on."

"Oh, hush. Your dumb prank interrupted our sexy time." Mom's cuddling the snake that's wearing a little sombrero. She's so weird.

"In the middle of the day?" I asked as I dodged left.

I dodged Dad again before he could grab me. No one wants to fight with a naked guy.

He just noticed the snake again and is now climbing up onto the dresser to get away. This is the funniest shit I've ever seen. My mom is laughing hysterically, and I can't hold it in any longer. I'm laughing so hard I can't breathe.

Here is my naked father who looks like a freaking bodybuilder up on my dresser screaming like a little girl. My mom and I are both laughing, and I think my dad might cry.

She came over petting this snake and tried to hug me.

Pushing her away, I'm seriously grossed out. "OH GOD, NO! Mom, put some clothes on."

I wrap a blanket around her, and she walks out of the room smiling.

"I'll go put this lovely in the flower atrium until we find him an aquarium to live in. You try to peel your father down from the ceiling."

Once my mom has gone with Fluffy. My dad jumps down from the dresser and takes off after me. "I'll kill you! You little bastard!"

Laughing, I yell back at him. "Stop making me see Dr. Hottie and I'll stop messing with you."

"What are you, five? Grow up!"

"Dad, go put some clothes on."

"Hell no. I'm going to get laid if it kills me. You have been cockblocking me for a week!"

"Ya, Dirty old man! You're talking about my poor innocent mother. She's a saint." I chuckle.

"Really? Ten minutes ago, she was choking on my..."

"MASON! Shut your mouth!"

HA! Take that, old man. Dragon lady just yelled at you.

I'm loving this. My father is so pissed off and sexually frustrated. I can't believe he does that stuff to my wonderful mother. Dragon lady is so sweet and innocent, and he corrupted her.

I need to ask to move into the guest house. I hate hearing these two freaks go at it all the time. I have no delusions that my parents don't have sex because I walked in on them when I was five. I got the birds, and the bees talk from my mother. It traumatized me for life. No kid should have to see or hear about what intercourse is from their mother. Sadly, I've witnessed it more times than I care to remember. On the couch, the kitchen counter, the washing machine... (Gag) that one time when they tried roleplay. I'll never look at Iron Man the same again. My poor Mommy. (Eye twitch.)

"Both of you. Get ready for dinner. We will have a long talk about boundaries."

"Grace. Why? He started it."

For once, the old man's right. "Yeah, Mom. Why? It's not fair."

"You two are like two grown children. Get dressed. Zander, you're buying, and not with your father's credit cards. We are going by the ATM and you're paying with your own money. Payment for interrupting your father and me."

"Wait. Why were you having sex in the closet?"

My mom just winked at my dad and giggled.

(Gag) Gross!

***

Masons POV

I will kill that boy. I had to dress up for some swanky restaurant to make my wife happy. I hate suits. This tie is cutting off my oxygen.

I haven't had sex in a week because of the cockblocker. I swear they will arrest me for the murder of that brat. My son is a nuisance. I don't care what my wife says, he's moving into the guest house. I need a break.

Grace seems a little on edge tonight too. Maybe I can get some tonight to help her relax.

"Okay, Zander. Son, I love you, but I think it's time you move into the guest house."

Thank you! There is a God. I have the best wife.

"Mason. You will start taking Zander to work and let him shadow you. It's time he does something more with his day than play Xbox and hang out with his friends. Time to grow up. We need to push him out of the nest."

I groan. "Why am I being punished?"

"Yeah, Mom. Why do I have to work with the old fart?"

"Your father is not old. Just ask all those hoochies that come around our house, hitting on him all the time. That last girl you brought home walked into our bedroom wearing only a thong. She asked your father and me to have a threesome. That's not okay. We need boundaries and our sex lives are being affected. Yes, Zander... your father and I have a sex life. Deal with it."

"Wait? SHE DID WHAT!? EW! That's nasty! With my parents? That's it. Callie's cut off."

The boy is grabbing his phone. Probably deleting and blocking the chick's number from his phone. Can't blame him. This is pretty messed up.

I chuckle at the boys' response. "Beyond your belief, your mother and I still have some spark in us."

That, and I have been one of People's Sexiest Men Alive list for three years running. Not to toot my own horn or anything, but the ladies love me.

My wife is the only one for me, though. She's beautiful as the day I met her. Unfortunately, my son looks just like me. Dark hair, blue eyes, and fit. He uses it to his advantage by pretending to be me to get in places. He thinks I don't know, but I get a call about once a month from someone saying he's sneaking into a private party. He gets more pussy than I can count too. Lucky bastard.

My wife sighs. "Can we get back to the point? Zander, it's time you have a job. If you are going through with this ridiculous publicity stunt, you need to at least show some responsibility."

"He's working in the stockroom. I'm not getting stuck dealing with his annoying ass."

"No way. Mom!"

"No. He will learn the family business. I want you to show him production and work with the actors. He might learn something. He needs to see the hard work you put into a film. No discussion."

Great. When she says that, there is no way of getting out of it.

"Fine."

"Fine." Zander rolled his eyes.

"Good. It's settled. Zander starts tomorrow morning. I'll move your therapy session to later in the day after work."

Why do I always end up punished for my son's stupid stunts?

This sucks.