Chapter 5 Pang-apat

Halos tatlong linggo na din ang lumipas simula nang ikasal kami ni Glynn. Nandito pa rin sila daddy at kuya and they want to fix the issue in the past pero hindi ko pa kaya.

Pinayagan daw sila ng agency at nila lolo na dumito muna pansamantala. Puros gala lang kaming apat nila, kung saan-saan kami nakakapunta just to enjoy the moment and it serves na honeymoon na rin namin ni Glynn.

We went to Palawan, Boracay, Vigan, Ilocos, Baguio and Batanes. Ngayon lang kami natahimik dahil para magpahinga.

Bumaba ako para kumain at hinanap ko ang mga kasama ko sa bahay. Walang sign ni kuya, ni daddy kahit ng asawa ko. Tinawag ko sila pero mukha lang akong tangang nag tatawag sa wala.

Pumunta ako sa sala baka nag momovie marathon sila pero wala. Nagulat ako sa biglang pag ring ng phone ni daddy. His lockscreen photo was the three of us in the church on my wedding and his wallpaper is their wedding photo with mom.

Mukhang international call ang natawag kay daddy at nakailang missed call na din.

"Hello? Jaden! I'm glad you answer my call!" parang bakla ang boses niya at halata sa kaniya na nabunutan ng tinik nang sinagot ang tawag niya.

"No this is not Jaden, this is his daughter" narinig ko ang pag singhap niya sa gulat at napairap naman ako.

"OMG! I'M TALKING TO THE PRINCESS!!!????" gulat na tanong niya jusko ang baklalitang ito sasabunutan ko ito.

"Yeah? Calm down. What do you need to my dad??" inis kong tanong

"Well. I'm your dad's manager and also your mom's manager before. I've seen you when you are still a young girl" hyper niyang tanong at wala naman akong pakialam.

"I know. What do you need to my dad?" he clear his throat at mukhang nasense niyang ayaw ko siyang kausap.

"Jaden and prince Skyler needs to go back here in States princess. As soon as possible" bigla akong natahimik sa balita niya.

I don't know what to react.

"Can you please tell them?" pakiusap niya.

"No. I don't take orders from others. Go tell them"

Agad kong binaba ang tawag niya and I was about to go upstair nang makita ko si daddy na nakatingin sa akin. Mukhang nasa garden sila at nag tatanim dahil sa putik at shovel na hawak nito.

He smiled at me a little habang tinabi ang shovel. I was taking a step to go upstairs.

"Is that my manager? You already know it?" tanong niya and I can see the pain in his eyes.

"I already see it coming, don't worry, I'm not worried at all. Nagawa mo nga dati diba? Bakit parang ayaw mo ulit gawin ngayon? Is there any change? No, nothings changed."

Sa buong gala naming apat, I really try my best to avoid him dahil ayaw ko na mapunta kami sa ganito. I promised to Glynn that I will be calm and good in front of dad. Be casual and civil.

"I'm really sorry about it anak" a tear fell to his cheeks. He looks so problematic and confused.

Extreme and intense emotion are filling in our hearts. I wanna hurt him para maramdaman niya ang hirap na naranasan namin.

"Sorry? Dad!? Sorry? 10 years dad! In that fucking 10 years, you didn't do anything to save us from being miserable and loneliness"

Hindi ko na rin napigilan na bumuhos ang luha ko dahil matagal ko nang kinikimkim ito. Simula nung nakita ko siya hanggang ngayon, hirap na hirap ako na mag pretend akong ayos lang ang lahat pero hindi and it will never be okay.

"What's the commotion going on here?" gulat na tanong ni kuya na mukhang nag madali na makapunta dito. Agad akong pinuntahan ng asawa ko at pumagitna naman si kuya sa aming dalawa ni daddy.

"I thought we're okay. I'm very stupid to think that we are in good terms" I laughed sarcastically. Nakuha niya pa 'yon na magpaawa??

"Yeah you are. Hinding-hindi ko malilimutan ang ginawa mo sa amin ng kuya ko! You don't have a rights to act like that! Ano ba ang alam mo sa pinag daanan namin?" napayuko na si daddy at hindi na maawat ang pagtulo ng luha niya.

"Hon" hinawakan ni Glynn ang braso ko bilang pag pigil pero inalis ko ang pagkakahawak niya.

"You don't know even a single thing dad! Walang-wala! Then you still have a guts to call us "anak"! Huh! Shame on you!"

"Selene tama na!" sigaw ni kuya, kaya sinamaan ko siya ng tingin. Binalik ko ang tingin ko kay daddy na nanlulumo na ngayon.

"Go leave whenver you want! Wala akong pakialam!"

Padabog akong umakyat papunta sa kwarto at naramdaman ko naman ang pag sunod ni Glynn.

"Hon! Open the door!" I locked the door dahil gusto kong mapag-isa. Puros tawag nila kuya at ng asawa ko ang naririnig ko.

Nagtago ako sa kumot at doon binuhos ang lahat ng lungkot at sakit na nararamdaman ko.

Gabi na nang magising ako. Lumabas ako sa kwarto at agad na bumungad sa akin si Glynn na naka upo sa gilid ng kwarto namin. He looked at me and he immediately hug me. Natawa ako at tinapik ang likod niya.

"What's the matter?" umiling siya at inayos ang buhok ko.

"How's your sleep? Is everything fine?"

"I'm good why?" patay-malisya kong sagot kahit alam ko na wala naman akong matatago sa kaniya. Tiningnan niya ako ng maigi kaya napairap ako.

"Okay fine! Not good, happy?" inis kong sabi at natawa naman siya. Agad niya akong hinatak papasok sa kwarto tsaka dinala sa terrace.

I very knew Glynn a lot, he doesn't want me to sleep with a heavy heart. Kaya kahit ayaw ko pipilitin niya ako sabihin ang gusto ko. Nakatingin lang siya sa paligid at mukhang hinihintay ako na mag salita.

"I'm sorry I freaked out to dad"

I break the silence dahil alam ko na ayon naman ang gusto niyang marinig. Ngumiti siya at napatingin sa akin, inayos niya ang buhok ko na humaharang sa mukha ko.

"It's alright, okay?" pagpa-kalma niya sa akin at parang sasabog na naman ang luha ko sa kaniya but I hold up my tears. Akala ko ubos na ang luha ko sa kakaiyak na sana bumalik siya, sana iligtas niya kami at sana wag niya kami pabayaan pero naging manhid na lang ako at wala pa ring nangyayari.

"Did I make it too hard for him?" umiwas siya ng tingin sa akin at tumango.

"Yeah. Nagkulong agad siya sa kwarto niya right after you walked out. Kuya Skyler tried to talk to him kaso wala ding nangyari" napatango na lang ako at napatitig sa buwan.

"He deserves it" I heard him sigh.

"Honey, let's just say dad deserves it but he's your dad after all"

"He's making up his mistakes he made in the past 10 years" dagdag niya at natawa ako sarcastically.

He can make it up for a year or a two but 10 years? Hahaha. That was tge decade of my life.

"It's too late now" hinawakan ni Glynn ang magkabilang braso ko at tiningnan ako diretso sa mata ko.

"No, it's not. Your dad is still alive, he still have the chance to make up all the mistakes he did"

"Do you think you mom is happy to see her family in this kind of situation?" napabuntong hininga ako at umiling.

He's right. Again.

"But it's not easy to forgive"

I will never ever forget how he left us. How he abandoned us. How kuya and I end up like this.

"What he did was truly hard to forgive but let your heart let go of all the grudges...."

"Step by step"

"Little by little"

"Process by process"

Napayakap ako sa kaniya dahil hindi ko alam ang dapat kong sabihin ko sa kaniya. He's making a point again.

"But it is hard" bigla na lang tumulo ang luha ko at mas humigpit ang yakap niya sa akin.

"I know. That's why, I'm here honey. I will never leave you. You always have me"

Hinalikan niya ang noo ko kasabay ang pag hagod niya sa likod ko. Napatingin ako kay kuya na nakatingin din sa amin. Ngumiti siya at sinenyasan ako na bumaba. Tumingin ako sa asawa ko at tanging ngiti tsaka pag tango lamang ang binigay niya sa akin.

Agad akong bumaba at nag tungo sa kinaroroonan ni kuya. Wala na din sa terrace ng kwarto si Glynn. Nakaupo si kuya sa bench sa garden at agad ko siyang tinabihan. He was crossing his arms habang nakatitig sa buwan at napatingin din siya sa akin na nakangiti.

"You are a different Princess Selene now" natawa ako sa sinabi ni kuya. Wala naman nag bago, I'm still the Selene that they know.

"What are you talking about kuya?" sabi ko habang natawa pero napabuntong hininga siya habang nakangiti.

"Before, you didn't know how to listen but now? You know how to hear out someone feelings though what happened between you and dad was really understandable"

Napangiti ako hearing how toxic I am.

"You always do what you want but what I observe you know how to be sensitive and considerate"

"Wala kang kinakatakutan, wala kang sinasanto at wala ka ding pakealam sa mundo pero ngayon alam mo na pano mag pasensya"

"And I'm happy for that" kitang-kita ko ang saya sa mata ni kuya.

Napatingin na lang din ako sa buwan at katahimikan ang namutawi sa aming dalawa. Halos tatlong taon hindi nakauwi si kuya sa Pilipinas dahil busy at pinag babawalan siya.

A decade of his life was wasted because of my selfishness. A decade of his life was became so exhausting and miserble because I want this life. I always look for the bigger picture of it . I was hoping that kuya Skyler is happy on what are he doing right now but he wasn't and he will never be.

Hindi naman sana kami magkakaganito kung hindi kami iniwan ni daddy. We will never experience this kind of life if he didn't leave us.

"Did you forget everything?" I broke the silence. Napatingin sa akin si kuya at napangiti.

"Like what I have said, I will never forget"

I was amazed how kuya handle all of this. Sa aming tatlo nila daddy, si kuya ang dapat magdamdam pero kuya still handle to communicate to daddy very well.

"Why?" he sighed and look at the sky.

"I don't know. Maybe if I treat him well, he leave his work and live privately with us" natawa ako habang napapailing. Kuya still hoping for this, hoping that the three of us will be completed.

"But that's impossible kuya" ngumiti siya ng mapait at ginulo ang buhok ko.

"I know. Just hoping and waiting, I'm tired of my work. I'm tired to be a star, I want to have a life like yours"

"I'm sorry" ngumiti sa akin si kuya at ginulo ang buhok ko.

"No it's not like that. It's not yout fault before mom died I made a promise to her" napatingin ulit siya sa langit.

"I will protect you no matter what. I'm just fulfilling my promise to mom and I'm your older brother, I want you safe" napayakap ako kay kuya at napaiyak. Biglang natawa si kuya at tinatapik ang braso ko.

"May asawa ka na pero napaka iyakin mo pa din. Tumahan ka na at baka bigla ka niyang iwan bigla kapag nakita yang uhog mo na natulo" pang aasar ni kuya kaya hinampas ko ang braso niya at pinag kukurot ang balikat niya.

"We have a flight at 4am" halata sa itsura ni kuya ang lungkot. Mukhang ayaw niya muna umalis sa bahay.

"Can't you just stay? Just for a week or 3 days?" umiling si kuya at napabuntong hininga.

"No, I can't. Na-pending ang movie na kasama si dad, galit na si direk kaya I have no choice just to go back to States and face my reality"

Kahit malungkot ang mukha ni kuya ay mukhang tanggap na niya na ang kapalaran niya. He knows his fate and even though it is very though to him, he doesn't have any choice at all.

"Can I go with you? Kahit hanggang airport? Please. I can disguise" tumango si kuya. Mostly kasi hindi ako pinapayagan ni kuya na sumama dahil he hates goodbyes and drama kala mo hindi artista tsh!

"Just be good at dad this time" napairap ako at mukhang walang choice kundi sundin ang gusto ni kuya.

"When we go back at US tomorrow, it's only you and Ryan"

"He is a good husband for you and I want you to be a good and nice to him. Huwag mo hayaan na magaya ang pamilya mo sa atin"

"If does, I don't take it anymore"

Kuya is very filial to mom and dad, kaya kahit galit na galit siya wala siyang magawa because of being filial. He is very family-centered at sa buong career niya ay wala akong naririnig na babaeng nalilink sa kaniya and that's make him so unique.

"Kung makakabalik man ako dito siguro nanganak ka na and if that time comes be a good mother"

Like I was talking to an old man, he is really mature and he deserve the best.

"You and Ryan will manage three powerful companies in the world. Always find way to have time to each other, time for yourself and time to relax. Work things out together"

Kuya know how impulsive I am lalo na pag galit. Wala akong pakialam sa mundo at wala akong pakialam sa pakiramdam ng tao. I will only talked to a person if it is beneficial to me but if not? I don't really care at all.

I also like stressing myself. Overworked into something or I will stress myself for nothing.

This is the toxicity I have.

"And that's the marriage works" they said marriage or a relationship is a give and take process. I don't know anything about marriage at all but with Glynn? I'm willing to know everything even how painful is it.

Pagkapasok ko sa kwarto ay naabutan ko ang asawa ko na nag babasa ng magazine sa couch. Agad siyang napangiti nang makita ako at agad niya din akong niyakap nang tumabi ako sa kaniya.

"How's talking with kuya?" I sighed as a relief I can say that I feel better now.

"It's good. We talked about a lot of stuff" napangiti siya at inaayos ang buhok ko.

"Are you going to talk to dad?" ngumiti ako sa kaniya at umiling.

"No. Things will get better if he leaves in that way"

May mga bagay na mas maganda na lang iwan sa ganon na bagay kaysa pag-usapan pa. Iwan na magulo, masakit at nakakalito kaysa ayusin at pag-usapan lalo na kung ang bagay na 'yon ay masyadong masakit.

Mukhang naintindihan naman ni Glynn ang punto ko kaya tumango siya at niyakap ako ng mas mahigpit.

"Can we go with kuya? Hatid natin sila sa airport" ngumiti si Glynn tsaka tumango.

"That's a good idea" hinalikan niya sabay hinalikan niya ako sa noo.

Nasa tapat na kami ng airport at nagtitigan kaming apat kung sino unang mag sasalita. No one dares to say farewell to each other.

Naka-itim na sumbrero silang tatlo nila daddy habang ako naman ay naka makapal na make up at naka wig.

Inakbayan ako ni Glynn at ngumiti ako kay kuya sabay inabot ang sandwich na ginawa ko pagkatapos namin mag-usap.

"Take care of yourself" ngumiti si kuya at niyakap ako. Nag paalam din si Glynn sa kaniya.

"Let's go Sky" aya ni daddy kay kuya. Ngumiti lang sa akin si daddy at pinipigilan niya ang maiyak. Nag paalam si Glynn sa kaniya at tinabig ni Glynn ang kamay ko para mag paalam din pero hindi ko siya pinansin.

Nag-umpisa na maglakad sila daddy at nakatingin lang sa akin si Glynn. Napairap naman ako dahil I have no choice.

"Wait" napatigil naman sila sa paglalakad at tumakbo ako payakap kay daddy. He hug me back at tumulo na naman ang luha sa mga mata naming dalawa.

"Please don't leave yet, gusto pa kita makaaway" narinig ko ang tawa nila ni kuya.

"Kahit gustuhin ko anak, kailangan. Huwag kang mag-alala, may inaasikaso lang ako at pag natapos yon kayong dalawa ng kuya mo lalagay tayo sa tahimik" niyakap din ni kuya si daddy. Parehas na hinalikan ni daddy ang mga noo namin ni kuya.

"Just wait, okay?" tumango si kuya habang umiiyak at kahit papaano nabunutan ako ng tinik.

Tumingin sa akin si daddy at inayos ang buhok ko.

"Babalik kami ng kuya mo soon, okay?" tumango rin ako at mas humigpit ang yakap namin ni kuya kay daddy.

Inabutan ko rin ng sandwich si daddy at nagpasalamat siya.

"Yung usapan natin ni Glynn ha" habilin ni daddy sa asawa ko at tumango ito.

"See you soon anak" paalam ni daddy and for the last time ay niyakap ko sila ni kuya. They tap my shoulders at tumango sa kanila.

We didn't say any goodbyes but we say that we will all meet soon.

I can't wait to be with them and to catch up things na nasayang sa aming tatlo. I still have this grief on my heart but I don't want to regret this kahit gusto ko iparamdam kay daddy na siya ang may kasalanan.