Chapter 4 Now that I know he exists,how can i stay away

He has passed me a few times but hasn't said a single word. He and his friends have come over to my new house to hang out with marcel. I can't believe after last night he would act like this. I at least have to know why he is behaving this way. I step out of my room and there he is standing alone outside my brother's room alone, texting someone on his phone.

'Hey' I say trying to act as casual as possible. 'Heyo , sup' he replies his eyes still focused on his phone.

'So last night was fun?'

'Yeah Yeah it was but see I don't want to make a wrong impression here, I don't think I am the man for you, u are too innocent and perfect unlike me'

WOW of course, I am stupid. What did I think? That's it, I slam the door and get inside my room. I can't think about what happened since I moved here, I'll literally start crying. I get some vodka and tequila, turn the music on, I need an escape from the shitty reality right now. After some time my room starts spinning. Shit I am drunk as hell. After his behavior all day especially after last night which seemed like the best night of my life. I really don't understand why he behaved like that, we had so much fun. Talking almost all night when he understood me in a way no one could, I have never felt this way since last year but like always nothing is simple in my life He kind of rejected me so I don't want him but out of somewhere a piece of me wants him. . It's like a hunger, I didn't know existed but now that I have felt it I want it all. I can't stop desiring it. No matter how much I try this thirst for him doesn't seem to fade. Not now not ever it feels like it will remain with me forever and ever. This alcohol is making me insane. I can't think clearly at all, I just know that I want him. I can't stop myself and message him to come to my room. I don't know what I am going to do or say when he comes. Shit why did I message him, I shouldn't have I just gave away my last bit of self respect. Ugh! Love and alcohol do fuck u up. I have to change, I can't wear this shitty night suit. I at least need to look hot, I wear a pair of black shots and a tank top, my hair in a high pony tail. I apply a black eye shadow and lip gloss after a lot of attempts, I can't think or do make up with alcohol. I'll keep that in mind next time. I hear a knock on the door, shit!! It's him, I try to act as casual as possible and opening the door. I think he is surprised by how I look but trying to control his expression he says

'what's up'

'Um nothing, what are u doing here'. I can't think of anything else to say, I don't want to embarrass myself more by telling him that my pathetic ass couldn't accept his "rejection" and so I ended up drunk messaging him.

'U messaged me remember?'

'Um no I didn't'

'Yes u did' he holds up his phone and shows me the message.

'Oh shit, I had to message someone else but I guess I sent it to u by mistake'

'Really, Whom did u want to call to your room' 'Just someone, none of your business' I start closing the door but he holds it and comes inside my room

'What?' I ask

'Nothing just message whoever u had to and when he comes, i'll go' he says. Shit he understood, was it that clear that I am lying or does he knows me to well. Seeing the tequila bottle and shot glasses he asks, 'are u drunk?' 'No' I lie 'Wow so u are drunk and that explains your message' 'I am not drunk and I sent that message by mistake'

'Okay okay' he raises his hands in defeat. 'But now that I am here do u want to do something?' 'I don't know' 'A long drive again?' He asks with a wicked grin.

'U want to go on a drive so that u can act again like nothing happened between us the next day?!!! 'I say loudly. I shouldn't have said that. We were both hanging out as friends and it's completely clear he doesn't want more. I don't want to come off as a desperate girl but I guess it's too late for that now.

'Hmmm'. Seriously? That's his reply?!! Oh my god I am so angry with him and myself right now, he's a jerk how could I ever think that something could happen with a jerk like him. 'Let's get something to eat shall we? '

'What?' 'Yeah I am hungry and surely u are to after drinking that much.' Before I know we are in his car, he switches on the small screen in his car and asks me to play whichever song I like. I don't do what he asks and sit quietly. Seeing no response from my side he laughs a little and plays a song of his own choice. It's a Justin Bieber high beat song, it makes me tap my foot spontaneously with beat to song. The alcohol also makes me want to shout the lyrics and dance a little but I try control myself. Why did I even come with him after that insulting reply! I am too drunk to go home by myself so I can't even ask him to stop, and to be honest I am also kind of hungry. There's nothing bad in grabbing a snack after-all I guess. He pulls over to a small roadside stall, it's extremely small but the food displayed looks tempting. I can hear the fragrance of the food and it makes my stomach churn, it's the most delicious smell ever. He orders 2 plates of pasta for me and him. 'Anything else u want?'

'U didn't need to order the pasta, I can help myself' I reply a little rudely.

'U want something else?' He says trying not to laugh. Why does he always find everything funny and why do I always come off as stubborn child and he has older one trying to control me, finding everything I do funny 'No pasta is fine' We take our plates to his car and eat our pasta which is the best I have ever had, street shops aren't so bad then. Just then I notice it has started raining outside. Noticing me looking out the window he says 'Let's get out of the car' 'What? Why?' There's no one on the road, the stalls are also about to close, while the sky thunders it takes a light black color, only the white lights of the street and the car's headlights are on and the sound of droplets makes all of this more peaceful and calm. He doesn't reply to my question and steps out, he looks at sky all of the rain water soaking his clothes, his wet hair makes him look even younger. I can't resist being far from him even if the distance is less than a km and also the beautiful view, I step out too.