I couldn't afford to be weak, not when Dad drilled me for years to be able to protect myself and I did, I won, so why were my hands still shaking?
Why did I keep hearing that voice in my head, whispering threats in the dark?
I couldn't afford to let that voice control me, especially not when Axel was watching.
Not when I wanted him to see me as more than just a fragile girl that needs saving.
Maybe if I acted strong the fear would go away, fake it till you make it right?
I finally looked up and found his eyes searching mine, his eyebrows creased as he opened and shut his mouth a few times before taking a deep breath.
"Are you okay Ellie?" he asked.
I panicked for a second, wondering if my Dad had told him what happened.
"Your dad told me to come pick you up because the dorms weren't safe for you, did anything happen?"
He asked, voice soft and eyes worried.
I breathed a small sigh of relief, dad hadn't told him exactly what happened.
So I puffed out my shoulders and put on a bright smile as I answered, "yeah, I'm fine"
My voice came out a little shaky and his eyebrows immediately inched together.
I cleared my throat and looked away.
Axel stared at me so intently that I was afraid he was gonna burn a hole through my face.
It was like he could see right through my facade.
I squirmed uncomfortably underneath his gaze.
He reached out slowly and grazed his thumb over my arm.
"Ellie, what happened?"he asked in a low steady voice.
My heart hammered in my chest and my throat tightened.
"Nothing, I'm fine." I lied, looking everywhere but at him.
He didn't look convinced one bit, then he looked away but I could see his jaw tick, he probably had an idea about what happened.
He turned to me and rubbed his forehead, as if debating internally whether to probe me more for details, he didn't.
His hand dropped to the small of my back as he guided me inside.
"You definitely don't look fine." he muttered under his breath, but I heard him.
I pretended like I didn't hear him and went inside to pack my things.
I pack a few things quickly and leave a note for Chloe telling her I'm moving out.
As I walked out of the dorm with my bags, Axel collected them from me and told me not to worry.
The first few minutes of the ride to Axel's place was awkward, scratch that, awkward was an understatement.
The tension was so thick you could cut through it with a knife.
I slid into the passenger seat, pressing my hands flat against my knees to stop them from shaking.
The leather smelled faintly like him, clean and sharp, and it made my chest ache in a way I couldn't name.
For the first few minutes, neither of us spoke. The only sound was the steady hum of the engine.
Every so often, I caught Axel glancing at me, his jaw tight, like he was holding back words.
"Cold?" he asked suddenly, reaching out to adjust the heater before I could answer.
I wasn't cold, but I didn't correct him.
I was shivering for an entirely different reason.
I turned and stared out the window instead, admiring the view.
Anything to avoid the weight of his gaze.
The rest of the ride was quiet again, but not empty. It was charged, every second pulling me tighter into the storm that was Axel.
By the time we pulled into the long driveway, my palms were damp against my jeans.
Axel's house loomed ahead, sleek and modern, all sharp lines and glass windows that caught the city lights.
It wasn't just a house,it was a statement, towering and unyielding, like him.
I had never been here before so my nerves were all over the place, and the fact that it would be just me and him had my heart doing gymnastics in my ribcage.
When Axel stopped the engine of the car, neither of us moved.
After a moment of silence, I steeled myself and got out of the car, Axel followed immediately.
He brought out my bags and walked towards the building.
I followed slowly behind him, my legs stiff as I climbed the stone steps.
The door swung open and I just stood there taking in the house until he nodded and said, "come on in."
I went in but I felt out of place in the huge mansion.
Everything there screamed Axel, his scent, everything was cold, just like him.
Axel picked up my bags again and nodded for me to follow. "Come on. I'll show you your room."
I trailed behind him, my pulse quickening with every step deeper into his world. He stopped at a door and pushed it open, setting my bags by the bed.
"This will be yours."
I stepped inside. The room was warm, softer than I expected, with a view of the city lights spilling through the window.
I turned back to thank him and found him leaning against the doorway, arms crossed, eyes on me like he was studying every breath I took.
For a moment, the silence between us stretched thin, heavy.
"Thank you," I whispered, suddenly aware of how close he was, how the air shifted with his presence.
His gaze dipped just for a second to my lips, then back up. My heart stopped.
But then he cleared his throat, straightened, and pulled back.
"Get some rest, Ellie. We'll talk in the morning."
And just like that, he was gone, leaving me with my racing heart