Chapter 4

My old habit of glancing towards Ethan' s usual spots in the hallway or cafeteria had been fueled by a silly, hopeful crush. Now, that same awareness was a radar for avoidance. I' d told myself before that my occasional dizziness was why I sometimes fumbled or seemed out of it near him. A convenient excuse. Now, I just didn' t want to be near him, period.

Jess noticed. "You're really giving Ethan the cold shoulder, huh?" she said one day at lunch, as I deliberately steered us to a table on the opposite side of the cafeteria from where Ethan and his crew always sat.

"I don't know what you mean," I said, focusing on unwrapping my sandwich.

"Come on, Sarah. Your epic, years-long crush on Ethan Hayes? You' re telling me that' s just... gone?"

"There was no crush," I said, maybe a little too sharply. "I was just... observant." I picked at a loose thread on my jeans. "He' s not who I thought he was. That' s all."

Jess gave me a knowing look but thankfully dropped it.

A few days later, Ethan cornered me after calculus.

"Sarah, can we talk about that problem set? I was a little confused on number five."

He was trying. Trying to act like my outburst hadn't happened. Like we hadn't happened, in the brief, disastrous way we had.

"Professor Davies is holding office hours, Ethan," I said, not meeting his eyes, stuffing my book into my bag. "I' m sure he can explain it better than I can."

I walked past him, quickening my pace, leaving him standing there. I felt a small, bitter satisfaction as I practically sprinted down the hall, putting distance between us. I was done being the girl who waited, who watched, who hoped.

The midterm results were posted. I' d poured everything into studying, fueled by a potent cocktail of hurt and determination. My name was at the top of the list for Advanced Chemistry, a class Ethan was also in, and usually aced.

A buzz went through the students crowded around the bulletin board. I saw Brittany Clark push her way to the front. Her eyes scanned the list, then landed on my name. Her perfectly made-up face twisted.

She turned, her voice carrying across the hallway. "Sarah Miller? Cheated. She must have. There' s no way she beat Ethan."

Ethan, standing nearby, looked uncomfortable. He glanced at me, then quickly away, a muscle twitching in his jaw. He didn' t defend me. Again.

I felt a cold dread, but also a surge of anger.

"I didn't cheat, Brittany," I said, my voice clear and steady, meeting her venomous gaze. "I studied. Maybe you should try it sometime."

I turned and walked away, her furious sputtering following me down the hall. But this time, I didn't feel like running. I felt like fighting.